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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303344 times)

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GregariousIntrovert

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #510 on: January 21, 2014, 07:53:45 PM »
Quote
Although EvilIris is secretly having a little snorty giggle at a grown man getting in a snit because his wife hadn't *picked out his clothes for him*.

::small voice:: he made me tie his shoes too.  not all the time, but....yeah. 

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #511 on: January 21, 2014, 08:01:41 PM »
Quote
Although EvilIris is secretly having a little snorty giggle at a grown man getting in a snit because his wife hadn't *picked out his clothes for him*.

::small voice:: he made me tie his shoes too.  not all the time, but....yeah.

...wowza. Well, at least you can mentally point and laugh now!

Seriously, if somebody behaves to you like that, it usually means they have you so ground down and gaslighted that it takes immense strength of will to get yourself up and out of the situation. Kudos to you for growing your spine under severely adverse conditions and getting clear of that piece of posterior haberdashery!
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shhh its me

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #512 on: January 21, 2014, 09:13:22 PM »
When my kids say "But I didn't make that mess!" It irritates me. As a sahm/housewife, it's a regular part of my day to clean up messes that other people make.  If I only cleaned up messes I made, our house would be a pigsty.   So when I ask my older two boys to pitch in and help me to clean up a common room of the house such as the room their computer is in, or the living room and they say "But I didn't make that mess, why should I have to clean it up?", they don't get sent to their room, they get more work to do. 

They have chores anyway that involve cleaning up messes others make, such as doing dishes and scooping litter boxes.  The youngest doesn't have chores yet, being almost 16 months, but when prompted he will pick up his toys and put them in a container.

I'm sort of in the opposite camp here, but then again I don't have kids.  For the bolded, which is true, if everyone took care of their own messes, there wouldn't be much of a mess.  You made some valid points, though.  I might have to try to rearrange my way of thinking here.

I don't really mind cleaning up as well being a SAHM and being home more during the day than anyone else, I do have more time to get things done, but I don't appreciate when the others make my job even more difficult by not doing a reasonable amount of cleaning up after themselves.  I mean I don't mind vacuuming and doing laundry, mopping and such.  But when they leave things strewn on the floor that I need to vacuum, stuff gets picked up (sometimes hidden if I'm really irritated) I get a bit of an attitude when I hear "But it's not mine, why do I have to clean it up?" or "I didn't dirty that dish, why do I have to pick it up?"

They are told "Because you are a part of the family and it all goes towards the upkeep of a home so you may as well learn now and I look at it as doing your future mate a favor by teaching you to not be a slob."

I'll add most of cleaning a house is communal cleaning, its not possible to just remove your dust from a living room once a week.  Vacuuming , scrubbing the floors & bathroom , washing the windows,  dusting , lawn-care and for most families cooking & clean up , grocery shopping , laundry.  Once you consider age appropriateness and time management it doesn't normal workout that each person (in a 4 person household ) to do 1/4 of the work.  After  shopping ,cooking dinner  , cleaning the pots and pans, cleaning the bathroom debating who left the plate in the living room and who has the most cloths in the dryer that needs to emptied  not something I'd have much patience for. 
 

Slartibartfast

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #513 on: January 21, 2014, 09:20:13 PM »
GregariousIntrovert, I'm definitely glad you got out of that situation!  He sounds like a narcissist, and it's kind of creepy how easily that kind of behavior can start to seem normal after long enough.

(If anyone is interested, there's an excellent novel out there called Blue-Eyed Devil by Lisa Kleypas in which the main character's initial husband (she meets a much better guy, later on  ;)) is a narcissist and has eerily similar behaviors to what you described, down to the gaslighting and the changing his mind on dinners and the fights after perfectly good times out with other couples.  I'd say it straddles the line between "romance" and "women's fiction" and even though I don't normally read contemporary, or books set in Texas, it's probably one of my favorite books ever and I re-read it at least once a year  ;D  I highly recommend it to anyone who wants a really moving (both good and painful, but the good kind of painful) read.)

Iris

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #514 on: January 21, 2014, 09:35:54 PM »
Quote
Although EvilIris is secretly having a little snorty giggle at a grown man getting in a snit because his wife hadn't *picked out his clothes for him*.

::small voice:: he made me tie his shoes too.  not all the time, but....yeah.

I literally  gasped and said "Noooooooo" out loud when I read that.

Pod to Mel again. In all seriousness I am so impressed that after years of this carp you managed to throw off the conditioning and get out. I've seen a good friend go through something similar and I saw how very difficult it was for her to realise that she deserved better.  I'm so grateful that I have never experienced that but am always aware that "there but for the grace of God..."

However EvilI ris reserves the right to internally mock an able bodied human who acts like a preschooler.
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Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Kimblee

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #515 on: January 21, 2014, 09:47:09 PM »
...GregariousIntrovert, that's not just PA, that's freakin' Darth Vader behaviour! :o Glad you're out of that mess!

left me open mouthed.  that's abuse and thank diety/force of your choice you got out!

finecabernet

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #516 on: January 21, 2014, 10:20:27 PM »
I had a friend who was very careful with how she was perceived by others, but not as careful with how she treated friends. So one day we were invited to go to another state to visit a friend of a friend who had just had a baby. My friend wanted to get this person a gift, but wanted me to buy it (even though at the time she did not have a job, and was a full-time student with more free time than I had). I had plans for a particular night, and told her I didn't think a gift was necessary and that I wouldn't have time to buy it anyway. She insisted that it be bought, and for the first time with her, I did not alter my plans in order to do what she wanted. She went ahead and bought the gift anyway, and then made a big fuss the next day about what a major sacrifice it had been for her to go out and buy it when she had so much work to do the night before, etc. I have to say I was proud of myself for not caving in and just smiled as she complained.

Post script to the story: The person we bought the gift for could not have been more indifferent to it, and our mutual friend that it was silly for us to even buy it for her.

EveLGenius

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #517 on: January 21, 2014, 10:35:25 PM »
My father likes to make outrageous suggestions, and then complain that YOU are the unreasonable one for not thinking they were good ideas.  For years, whenever we would drive past a Hooters (for those not in the USA, it's a bar and grill where the waitresses all wear very revealing clothing) he would say, "We should go there for dinner!  Haw, haw!"  Please understand that he's a lawyer, my mother a professor at a religious college, and both he and my mother are speakers in their church, so in their world, Hooters is considered Not A Polite Place.

I finally snapped.  We were driving down a street with a number of restaurants, and discussing dinner options.  There was a Hooters, among about 10 restaurants, and Dad once again said, "Let's go to Hooters!  Ha, ha!"  So I said, "OK," and started to pull into the parking lot.  Well he just about stripped the gears on his tongue,he back pedaled so hard.  I pointed out that I didn't mind, I'd heard their food was good, DD (age 1) was eating food that I had packed, so no problem.  DH backed me, bless him, and Mom figured out what we were doing and said it was fine with her.  Dad finally said he was more in the mood for steak, so we went elsewhere.

He hasn't mentioned Hooters in the last 7 years, now.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #518 on: January 21, 2014, 11:28:01 PM »
My father likes to make outrageous suggestions, and then complain that YOU are the unreasonable one for not thinking they were good ideas.  For years, whenever we would drive past a Hooters (for those not in the USA, it's a bar and grill where the waitresses all wear very revealing clothing) he would say, "We should go there for dinner!  Haw, haw!"  Please understand that he's a lawyer, my mother a professor at a religious college, and both he and my mother are speakers in their church, so in their world, Hooters is considered Not A Polite Place.

I finally snapped.  We were driving down a street with a number of restaurants, and discussing dinner options.  There was a Hooters, among about 10 restaurants, and Dad once again said, "Let's go to Hooters!  Ha, ha!"  So I said, "OK," and started to pull into the parking lot.  Well he just about stripped the gears on his tongue,he back pedaled so hard.  I pointed out that I didn't mind, I'd heard their food was good, DD (age 1) was eating food that I had packed, so no problem.  DH backed me, bless him, and Mom figured out what we were doing and said it was fine with her.  Dad finally said he was more in the mood for steak, so we went elsewhere.

He hasn't mentioned Hooters in the last 7 years, now.

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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #519 on: January 22, 2014, 12:59:14 AM »
DH has been to a Hooters and he said he found it rather sad.

Daquiri40

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #520 on: January 22, 2014, 09:10:05 AM »
My boyfriend and I were in St. Louis near the arch and were looking for somewhere for lunch.  We were walking.  We saw a place called Show Me's and went in.  I had to look twice because the waitresses had black aprons on and looked as if they weren't wearing pants.  They were wearing very short shorts with black dance tights with a lot of rear end hanging out. 

Duh!  Show Me!  Ha!  We laughed about it.  The waitresses were very nice and were attractive and the food was good but I don't think I will be going back there.

daen

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #521 on: January 22, 2014, 10:28:42 AM »
My father likes to make outrageous suggestions, and then complain that YOU are the unreasonable one for not thinking they were good ideas.  For years, whenever we would drive past a Hooters (for those not in the USA, it's a bar and grill where the waitresses all wear very revealing clothing) he would say, "We should go there for dinner!  Haw, haw!"  Please understand that he's a lawyer, my mother a professor at a religious college, and both he and my mother are speakers in their church, so in their world, Hooters is considered Not A Polite Place.

I finally snapped.  We were driving down a street with a number of restaurants, and discussing dinner options.  There was a Hooters, among about 10 restaurants, and Dad once again said, "Let's go to Hooters!  Ha, ha!"  So I said, "OK," and started to pull into the parking lot.  Well he just about stripped the gears on his tongue,he back pedaled so hard.  I pointed out that I didn't mind, I'd heard their food was good, DD (age 1) was eating food that I had packed, so no problem.  DH backed me, bless him, and Mom figured out what we were doing and said it was fine with her.  Dad finally said he was more in the mood for steak, so we went elsewhere.

He hasn't mentioned Hooters in the last 7 years, now.

That... that is  beautiful.

VorFemme

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #522 on: January 22, 2014, 10:43:20 AM »
My father likes to make outrageous suggestions, and then complain that YOU are the unreasonable one for not thinking they were good ideas.  For years, whenever we would drive past a Hooters (for those not in the USA, it's a bar and grill where the waitresses all wear very revealing clothing) he would say, "We should go there for dinner!  Haw, haw!"  Please understand that he's a lawyer, my mother a professor at a religious college, and both he and my mother are speakers in their church, so in their world, Hooters is considered Not A Polite Place.

I finally snapped.  We were driving down a street with a number of restaurants, and discussing dinner options.  There was a Hooters, among about 10 restaurants, and Dad once again said, "Let's go to Hooters!  Ha, ha!"  So I said, "OK," and started to pull into the parking lot.  Well he just about stripped the gears on his tongue,he back pedaled so hard.  I pointed out that I didn't mind, I'd heard their food was good, DD (age 1) was eating food that I had packed, so no problem.  DH backed me, bless him, and Mom figured out what we were doing and said it was fine with her.  Dad finally said he was more in the mood for steak, so we went elsewhere.

He hasn't mentioned Hooters in the last 7 years, now.

That... that is  beautiful.

SNERK...

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Slartibartfast

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #523 on: January 22, 2014, 11:10:29 AM »
DH has been to a Hooters and he said he found it rather sad.

There's one near my house.  MIL and I took Babybartfast once when she was about a year old.  It was pretty empty at lunchtime, and all the waitresses cooed over Babybartfast the entire time.  It was adorable.

What was less adorable was one of the few other patrons there, a skeevy-looking middle-aged guy dining along who spent the entire time leering at all the waitresses.  I mean, I know it's part of the restaurant's image and all, but there's a difference between "ooh, look, they're all good-looking" and actively TRYING to look like you're imagining what you want to do to them whether they like the idea or not  :-\  I felt really bad for the waitresses, having to put up with guys like that.

shhh its me

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #524 on: January 22, 2014, 11:21:09 AM »
DH has been to a Hooters and he said he found it rather sad.

There's one near my house.  MIL and I took Babybartfast once when she was about a year old.  It was pretty empty at lunchtime, and all the waitresses cooed over Babybartfast the entire time.  It was adorable.

What was less adorable was one of the few other patrons there, a skeevy-looking middle-aged guy dining along who spent the entire time leering at all the waitresses.  I mean, I know it's part of the restaurant's image and all, but there's a difference between "ooh, look, they're all good-looking" and actively TRYING to look like you're imagining what you want to do to them whether they like the idea or not  :-\  I felt really bad for the waitresses, having to put up with guys like that.

I find Hooters to be the oddest themed restaurant ....WE're a fmaily place , we're named for both a bird and a euphemism for breasts and we insist our waitress are well endowed and wear low cut T shirts and short shorts BUT WE"RE A FAMILY RESTAURANT BRING YOUR KIDS BRING YOU WIFE , STOP BY FOR SUNDAY BRUNCH BRING YOUR PASTOR !!!! CAUSE WE ARE A FAMILY RESTAURANT!!   The uniforms and large breasted staff have nothing to do with the name is a owl get it!!!!   I'm not offended by the concept I'm perplexed... they seem to not want themselves or their customers to acknowledge their concept expect in hiring practices.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2014, 11:25:36 AM by shhh its me »