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Author Topic: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27  (Read 303195 times)

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Yvaine

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #570 on: January 24, 2014, 10:39:32 AM »
Oh the silent treatment! My ex used to do this all the time. An example I remember seemed to always occur first thing in the morning. You see, he would have a dream in which I was doing all sorts of devious acts with other gentlemen.  :o ??!! After many frustrating attempts (years of this) to get him to talk, tell me what the dream was about, and defending myself, etc. I finally just said, "Fine. Don't tell me." And I continue on with my day. Actually, in thinking about that now it was probably PA of me to say that to him.

I completely agree with AzaleaBloom in that sometimes we don't see the behavior until it is already established.

I hate it when I have a dream about someone doing something awful, and then I wake up irrationally mad at the real them! But acting on it is just plain nuts.  >:(

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #571 on: January 24, 2014, 11:13:29 AM »
My mom always go "Why don't you make cupcakes since you like it so much" or "Why don't you order mushroom pizza since you like it so much" or "I'm making beef stew since you like it so much"

Of course since I'm posting in this thread, you know it's she who likes those things so much.  She loves getting what she wants and getting credit for "giving us what we want" and she loves acting like she's the one sacrificing her needs so we can have what we want.  We use to pretend not to know what she's doing and say "no, we don't want that today" but got tired of her sulking and martyr act afterwards so we just play the game now.  We do still call her on it, but she's never going to change.  Have to pick our battles and this isn't worth it.

Your mom would like my grandma.

My grandma spent much of my childhood explaining to my grandpa and mom that she bought Fig Newton cookies because I liked them so much. "Oh Glitter loves Fig Newtons, so I bought them for her", now, I couldn't remember ever saying I even liked them. I liked Oreos, but Fig Newtons...not so much. But I thought, grandma keeps saying I like them, so I must like them. So I kept trying to eat them. I do not like Fig Newtons. I really don't. However, grandma loves them! Now why couldn't grandma just ever say "I bought Fig Newtons because I like them", I don't know. Heck I don't even know why she was explaining why she bought anything. It wasn't like she was choosing the cookies over say regular groceries or anyone thought she had Fig Newton addiction. No one cared why she bought whatever she bought, the kitchen was her domain and we all trusted her! I buy Oreos. Why? Because I like Oreos. Do you know who I tell? No one. I'm a grown up, I want Oreos, I buy them. Partner has never become confused by the existence of Oreos in our house. It's pretty much "I didn't buy these, Glitter must have, she likes them", no question is ever raised!

Oh and yes, grandma still buys them, still says their for me, for when I visit. Of course I never eat them when I visit, and grandpa knows I don't like them, but we all just go with "they're for Glitter". She's never even tried to get me to eat them. Now the red vines she buys, those really are for me when I visit.

GreenBird

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #572 on: January 24, 2014, 11:45:29 AM »
Oh the silent treatment! My ex used to do this all the time. An example I remember seemed to always occur first thing in the morning. You see, he would have a dream in which I was doing all sorts of devious acts with other gentlemen.  :o ??!! After many frustrating attempts (years of this) to get him to talk, tell me what the dream was about, and defending myself, etc. I finally just said, "Fine. Don't tell me." And I continue on with my day. Actually, in thinking about that now it was probably PA of me to say that to him.

I completely agree with AzaleaBloom in that sometimes we don't see the behavior until it is already established.

Since you really were giving up on getting him to explain his weird attitude, I don't think you were PA at all to say, "Fine. Don't tell me."  You were just saying exactly what you thought, which is the opposite of PA. 

Sirius

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #573 on: January 24, 2014, 12:17:06 PM »
DH has been to a Hooters and he said he found it rather sad.

I roll my eyes at the guys who say they go for the wings. I want to snark "And I bet you read naughty magazines for the articles too, don't you?"  ::)

The wings really aren't that special, not anything you couldn't get anywhere else, anyway.
According to DH, you can very much read naughty magazines for the articles. Particularly Playboy.

That's also what MR. Sirius says.  He told me that a lot of very good writers got their start writing fiction for Playboy.  He did admit, though, that he wouldn't have read a Playboy in front of his mother, even if all he was doing was reading a short story by Ray Bradbury.

Sirius

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #574 on: January 24, 2014, 12:20:15 PM »
Oh the silent treatment! My ex used to do this all the time. An example I remember seemed to always occur first thing in the morning. You see, he would have a dream in which I was doing all sorts of devious acts with other gentlemen.  :o ??!! After many frustrating attempts (years of this) to get him to talk, tell me what the dream was about, and defending myself, etc. I finally just said, "Fine. Don't tell me." And I continue on with my day. Actually, in thinking about that now it was probably PA of me to say that to him.

I completely agree with AzaleaBloom in that sometimes we don't see the behavior until it is already established.

One morning my mother got upset with my father.  After a few PA comments on both their parts it came out that Mom had dreamed that my dad had done something she didn't like.  Her reasoning for being upset at him:  "I wouldn't have dreamed it if there wasn't a reason!"   

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #575 on: January 24, 2014, 01:08:44 PM »
My mom always go "Why don't you make cupcakes since you like it so much" or "Why don't you order mushroom pizza since you like it so much" or "I'm making beef stew since you like it so much"

Of course since I'm posting in this thread, you know it's she who likes those things so much.  She loves getting what she wants and getting credit for "giving us what we want" and she loves acting like she's the one sacrificing her needs so we can have what we want.  We use to pretend not to know what she's doing and say "no, we don't want that today" but got tired of her sulking and martyr act afterwards so we just play the game now.  We do still call her on it, but she's never going to change.  Have to pick our battles and this isn't worth it.

Your mom would like my grandma.

My grandma spent much of my childhood explaining to my grandpa and mom that she bought Fig Newton cookies because I liked them so much. "Oh Glitter loves Fig Newtons, so I bought them for her", now, I couldn't remember ever saying I even liked them. I liked Oreos, but Fig Newtons...not so much. But I thought, grandma keeps saying I like them, so I must like them. So I kept trying to eat them. I do not like Fig Newtons. I really don't. However, grandma loves them! Now why couldn't grandma just ever say "I bought Fig Newtons because I like them", I don't know. Heck I don't even know why she was explaining why she bought anything. It wasn't like she was choosing the cookies over say regular groceries or anyone thought she had Fig Newton addiction. No one cared why she bought whatever she bought, the kitchen was her domain and we all trusted her! I buy Oreos. Why? Because I like Oreos. Do you know who I tell? No one. I'm a grown up, I want Oreos, I buy them. Partner has never become confused by the existence of Oreos in our house. It's pretty much "I didn't buy these, Glitter must have, she likes them", no question is ever raised!

Oh and yes, grandma still buys them, still says their for me, for when I visit. Of course I never eat them when I visit, and grandpa knows I don't like them, but we all just go with "they're for Glitter". She's never even tried to get me to eat them. Now the red vines she buys, those really are for me when I visit.

Next time you visit, bring Grandma some Oreos because "you know she likes them so much".  ;D
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FauxFoodist

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #576 on: January 24, 2014, 11:28:11 PM »
My mom always go "Why don't you make cupcakes since you like it so much" or "Why don't you order mushroom pizza since you like it so much" or "I'm making beef stew since you like it so much"

Of course since I'm posting in this thread, you know it's she who likes those things so much.  She loves getting what she wants and getting credit for "giving us what we want" and she loves acting like she's the one sacrificing her needs so we can have what we want.  We use to pretend not to know what she's doing and say "no, we don't want that today" but got tired of her sulking and martyr act afterwards so we just play the game now.  We do still call her on it, but she's never going to change.  Have to pick our battles and this isn't worth it.

Your mom would like my grandma.

My grandma spent much of my childhood explaining to my grandpa and mom that she bought Fig Newton cookies because I liked them so much. "Oh Glitter loves Fig Newtons, so I bought them for her", now, I couldn't remember ever saying I even liked them. I liked Oreos, but Fig Newtons...not so much. But I thought, grandma keeps saying I like them, so I must like them. So I kept trying to eat them. I do not like Fig Newtons. I really don't. However, grandma loves them! Now why couldn't grandma just ever say "I bought Fig Newtons because I like them", I don't know. Heck I don't even know why she was explaining why she bought anything. It wasn't like she was choosing the cookies over say regular groceries or anyone thought she had Fig Newton addiction. No one cared why she bought whatever she bought, the kitchen was her domain and we all trusted her! I buy Oreos. Why? Because I like Oreos. Do you know who I tell? No one. I'm a grown up, I want Oreos, I buy them. Partner has never become confused by the existence of Oreos in our house. It's pretty much "I didn't buy these, Glitter must have, she likes them", no question is ever raised!

Oh and yes, grandma still buys them, still says their for me, for when I visit. Of course I never eat them when I visit, and grandpa knows I don't like them, but we all just go with "they're for Glitter". She's never even tried to get me to eat them. Now the red vines she buys, those really are for me when I visit.

Next time you visit, bring Grandma some Oreos because "you know she likes them so much".  ;D

Oh, I was thinking Glitter should just take the Fig Newtons with her when she leaves her grandparents' house because they're for her as she likes them so much!  >:D

weeblewobble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #577 on: January 25, 2014, 08:58:06 AM »
DH has been to a Hooters and he said he found it rather sad.

I've only been a couple of times, but it was basically just like any other restaurant but with decent wings and more cleavage. No complaints from me. Plus it was really funny when our waitress turned out to be one of the kids my friend had counseled when he worked at a camp in high school.

The only time I went to hooters was as part of a group of a few people.  One of them decided to splurge and ordered the Dom Perignon and 8 wings plate for like $200 that was offered.  They brought it out, and he asked for some bleu cheese for the wings.  The waitress told him it would be an extra 25 cents.  He was peeved, and decided to make a point by having her get a manger to comp it (because she wouldn't/couldn't) last time I went there if the servers have that little amount of power to make the customers happy.

I get that Mr. Dom Perignon probably shouldn't have dragged the manager into an argument over 25 cents, but at the same time, if someone is spending $200 on wings, it seems a little short-sighted to haggle with someone over 1/800th of their bill and causing ill will. It seems penny-wise and pound-foolish.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2014, 09:04:32 AM by weeblewobble »

z_squared82

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #578 on: January 25, 2014, 11:15:06 AM »
So I have a friend who fails at stating what she wants. Less passive aggressive and more just passive.

Four of us friends went on a trip to a town near a popular park a few years ago. The one day we went into the park instead of shopping and drinking, we went on two easy hikes. The second was basically a gravel road with a slight slope. When you get to the end of the road, you can either turn around and go back or head up the mountain. Outdoorsy Friend asked what we would like to do. Friend Who Thinks She's Outdoorsy and I didn't have a preference, PA friend kept her mouth shut. So up the mountain we went. Well, it turns out, she had wanted to turn around and go back. She didn't talk to any of us for the rest of the day.

Being used to this, we ignored the fact that she was giving us the silent treatment. If she's not going to tell us she has a problem, we're not going to acknowledge her silent treatment.

DoubleTrouble

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #579 on: January 25, 2014, 12:50:52 PM »
But I remember many years ago, my DH's grandparents announced they'd went to Hooters for lunch. I was surprised and asked them what they thought of the place. Grandma said, "Well the food was okay...but I don't think we'll be going back."

I asked, "Why?"

Grandma thought about it and said, "It was too loud." ;D

LOL! Reminds me of the time my family went to Vegas when my brother & were little kids, so early 80's. We were walking the strip when we passed by a sign advertising "Nudes on Ice" i.e. nude ladies ice skating.

My brother wanted to know what it was and after my parents explained it to him asked, "but won't they get cold?"  ;D

Yvaine

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #580 on: January 25, 2014, 02:18:30 PM »
But I remember many years ago, my DH's grandparents announced they'd went to Hooters for lunch. I was surprised and asked them what they thought of the place. Grandma said, "Well the food was okay...but I don't think we'll be going back."

I asked, "Why?"

Grandma thought about it and said, "It was too loud." ;D

LOL! Reminds me of the time my family went to Vegas when my brother & were little kids, so early 80's. We were walking the strip when we passed by a sign advertising "Nudes on Ice" i.e. nude ladies ice skating.

My brother wanted to know what it was and after my parents explained it to him asked, "but won't they get cold?"  ;D

I'm 36 and that would probably be my first remark too.  ;D But then when I heard of nude aerobics, my first thought was "Ow! Don't you at least want a sports bra?"  ;D ;D ;D ;D

Iris

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #581 on: January 25, 2014, 06:52:20 PM »
But I remember many years ago, my DH's grandparents announced they'd went to Hooters for lunch. I was surprised and asked them what they thought of the place. Grandma said, "Well the food was okay...but I don't think we'll be going back."

I asked, "Why?"

Grandma thought about it and said, "It was too loud." ;D

LOL! Reminds me of the time my family went to Vegas when my brother & were little kids, so early 80's. We were walking the strip when we passed by a sign advertising "Nudes on Ice" i.e. nude ladies ice skating.

My brother wanted to know what it was and after my parents explained it to him asked, "but won't they get cold?"  ;D

I'm 36 and that would probably be my first remark too.  ;D But then when I heard of nude aerobics, my first thought was "Ow! Don't you at least want a sports bra?"  ;D ;D ;D ;D

There's nude aerobics? Ouchy!
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Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Kimblee

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #582 on: January 25, 2014, 08:04:56 PM »
DH has been to a Hooters and he said he found it rather sad.

I roll my eyes at the guys who say they go for the wings. I want to snark "And I bet you read naughty magazines for the articles too, don't you?"  ::)

The wings really aren't that special, not anything you couldn't get anywhere else, anyway.

OT, but your comment about the wings is true. They're done as well or better at lots of places now. Twenty years ago, it was the only place to get good buffalo wings.

Twenty years ago, I was offered a job there, twice in year's period of time. And I've never been more than an...ahem 'B' cup. So no hooters there.

I remember a few of us gals going out for a few drinks and some food and we decided on Hooters. The wings and grouper sandwiches were excellent (at the time) and how the waitresses were dressed didn't even register on our radar. You would think with hot waitresses walking around scantily dressed, that no one would pay any attention to us. But all the rest of the patrons were men and we got a lot of unwanted attention. Still can't figure that one out years later. I smile when I think about going when I was 9 months pregnant and about to pop and the waitstaff looking like they felt sorry for me when I waddled in. They were so sweet and took good care of us.

But I remember many years ago, my DH's grandparents announced they'd went to Hooters for lunch. I was surprised and asked them what they thought of the place. Grandma said, "Well the food was okay...but I don't think we'll be going back."

I asked, "Why?"

Grandma thought about it and said, "It was too loud." ;D

We don't eat out much anyway but we popped in the last time we vacationed in Florida during winter (we live in Northeast Ohio).  DH wanted some wings and I'm always up for wings and then, grinning, asked for me to pose with the waitress for a picture to send to his buddies up north with the message, 'guess where I am?' just to annoy them.  ::)

A friend told me about a visit he made to Hooters. An elderly man was sitting alone in a booth and when 'his' waitress came by she hugged the guy and kissed his cheek before taking his order. After he gave it he gave her bottom a quick tap and told her to hurry back.

A man at another table when nuclear on him, about how "dare" he objectify the waitress and just because they're a bunch of girls using their "hooters" to get money for men doesn't mean the old man could fondle them.

Just then the waitress popped out of the kitchen and called across the restaurant "Grandpa, did you want ranch?"

zyrs

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #583 on: January 26, 2014, 01:09:32 PM »
A friend told me about a visit he made to Hooters. An elderly man was sitting alone in a booth and when 'his' waitress came by she hugged the guy and kissed his cheek before taking his order. After he gave it he gave her bottom a quick tap and told her to hurry back.

A man at another table when nuclear on him, about how "dare" he objectify the waitress and just because they're a bunch of girls using their "hooters" to get money for men doesn't mean the old man could fondle them.

Just then the waitress popped out of the kitchen and called across the restaurant "Grandpa, did you want ranch?"

If I had been her grandpa, it would have made me feel pretty good that some of the customers are watching out for the waitresses.

Kimblee

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Re: Giving PA people what they "want" (Stories!) UPDATE P27
« Reply #584 on: January 26, 2014, 02:19:51 PM »
A friend told me about a visit he made to Hooters. An elderly man was sitting alone in a booth and when 'his' waitress came by she hugged the guy and kissed his cheek before taking his order. After he gave it he gave her bottom a quick tap and told her to hurry back.

A man at another table when nuclear on him, about how "dare" he objectify the waitress and just because they're a bunch of girls using their "hooters" to get money for men doesn't mean the old man could fondle them.

Just then the waitress popped out of the kitchen and called across the restaurant "Grandpa, did you want ranch?"

If I had been her grandpa, it would have made me feel pretty good that some of the customers are watching out for the waitresses.

From what I understand the "defender" was using pretty sexist terms himself.

Although, I know my grand-dad wouldn't have had trouble with me working in Hooters, nor would he mind someone defending me if they thought i was being harassed. So yeah, defending people is still good. (and at the only Hooters in the area, you get thrown out for harassing/insulting the waitresses. Their manager does not take kindly to it.)