Author Topic: Would this be a rude gift?  (Read 5014 times)

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BuffaloFang

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Would this be a rude gift?
« on: November 24, 2012, 11:58:46 AM »
My MIL has been trying to lose weight for the past year.  She's lost maybe 10 pounds on Weight Watchers.  She blames a lot of her life problems on her weight (warranted or not), and while I'm a little concerned that she's going to be seriously disappointed and may backslide when she realizes that losing weight isn't going to (random example) magically make her popular and rich, I am very excited for her that she's making progress.

My DH and I were thinking about buying her a BodyBugg or something similar for christmas.  Would that be overstepping or rude in this instance?  She has freely discussed her attempts to lose weight with us, but I'm not sure whether or not this still crosses into the "commenting on other peoples' weight" category.  Personally, I would love a BodyBugg because I'm a data geek, but I also work out a lot and am not overweight, so I can see how it might be a loaded gift in this instance.

Thoughts?

MorgnsGrl

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2012, 12:13:19 PM »
Could she afford to buy one on her own? If so, I wouldn't give her one as a gift. In my opinion it's just too loaded an item/issue.

cicero

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2012, 12:18:44 PM »
I wouldn't buy that as a gift for you MIL. I wouldn't want to receive that as a gift from anyone - yes, i need to lose weight, a lot of weight, yes it may (or not) help me, but no, just no. I think it is a loaded gift. Your hearts are in the right place but I would let her work things out on her own.


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yokozbornak

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2012, 12:20:05 PM »
If she has expressed interest in having one, then it think it would be fine.  If she hasn't, I wouldn't even go there especially if she has just started her weight loss journey. Sometimes things like that can actually be demotivating especially if she isn't to the point where she is doing a lot of physical activity. 

rose red

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #4 on: November 24, 2012, 12:22:01 PM »
It's not rude, but I wouldn't do it.

cocacola35

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2012, 12:48:02 PM »
I don't think it would be a good idea, unless she specifically asked you to give it to her.  While your intentions are good, she may not take it that way as this is a very sensitive subject with most people. The best you both can do is continue to support her with praise and be there to listen when she needs to talk to someone.

Sharnita

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #6 on: November 24, 2012, 12:55:25 PM »
Not unless she has shown an interest in one or something like it.

BuffaloFang

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #7 on: November 24, 2012, 01:00:37 PM »
Good to be able to crowdsource opinions :)

She probably would not be able to buy one.  She only recently started a job, and I think only works part time.  But we will search for other gifts for her then.

O'Dell

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #8 on: November 24, 2012, 01:03:09 PM »
Personally, I would love a BodyBugg because I'm a data geek, but I also work out a lot and am not overweight, so I can see how it might be a loaded gift in this instance.

Is your MIL a data geek? Not everyone wants another tech gadget or set of data to track. Even if she were okay with getting something to help her with weight loss, is this the thing she would want?

The reasons I ask:

(1) someone saying they'd love the gift they are buying for someone else raises a caution flag for me...are they truly buying it based on the recipients wants/needs or their own?

(2) My husband is an early adopter of gadgets. While I'm fairly savvy with technology, I have limits on how much I want and will use. Gadget/tech heavy people sometimes forget that not everyone has that same interest. I have to remind my husband of that on a regular basis. Be sure that you aren't giving her more than she wants/needs.
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BuffaloFang

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2012, 01:09:32 PM »
Personally, I would love a BodyBugg because I'm a data geek, but I also work out a lot and am not overweight, so I can see how it might be a loaded gift in this instance.

Is your MIL a data geek? Not everyone wants another tech gadget or set of data to track. Even if she were okay with getting something to help her with weight loss, is this the thing she would want?

The reasons I ask:

(1) someone saying they'd love the gift they are buying for someone else raises a caution flag for me...are they truly buying it based on the recipients wants/needs or their own?

(2) My husband is an early adopter of gadgets. While I'm fairly savvy with technology, I have limits on how much I want and will use. Gadget/tech heavy people sometimes forget that not everyone has that same interest. I have to remind my husband of that on a regular basis. Be sure that you aren't giving her more than she wants/needs.

She is probably more of a data person than I am.  I know she has an almost indecent love of Quicken (she passed that onto my DH) and does have a few tracking apps for calories and such on her phone (I think Weight Watchers Apps?) But it sounds like it's not cool to give an overweight person a fitness tool unless specifically asked anyway, so we will try to think of something else.

O'Dell

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #10 on: November 24, 2012, 01:19:08 PM »
She is probably more of a data person than I am.  I know she has an almost indecent love of Quicken (she passed that onto my DH) and does have a few tracking apps for calories and such on her phone (I think Weight Watchers Apps?) But it sounds like it's not cool to give an overweight person a fitness tool unless specifically asked anyway, so we will try to think of something else.

Ah! That is different then. If others say it's rude, then probably best to go with their advice. Personally, I don't see it as automatically rude in your MIL's case. She might very well like something like that.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
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BuffaloFang

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #11 on: November 24, 2012, 01:26:32 PM »

Ah! That is different then. If others say it's rude, then probably best to go with their advice. Personally, I don't see it as automatically rude in your MIL's case. She might very well like something like that.

That was why we even considered it.  I can see her really liking the realtime feedback and the charts and graphs, but wasn't sure if the potential implications might make it a bad idea.

bloo

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2012, 01:51:30 PM »

Ah! That is different then. If others say it's rude, then probably best to go with their advice. Personally, I don't see it as automatically rude in your MIL's case. She might very well like something like that.

That was why we even considered it.  I can see her really liking the realtime feedback and the charts and graphs, but wasn't sure if the potential implications might make it a bad idea.

I think it's terribly considerate and nice for you to want to give that as a gift. That's something I'd like because I maintain my weight loss by tracking that stuff!

I agree w/ PP's that it might be a 'loaded gift' but maybe you could show her an advertisement and just ask her if she'd enjoy something like this. Something like, "Hey look at this cool gadget! See all the things it does? I think it's neat-o!" and then see what she says. Based on her response (very enthusiastic with expressions of how she'd use it), then ask if it would be okay to get this for her as a gift if she really thinks she'd enjoy it. A lukewarm response would let you know that she's not very interested.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2012, 02:22:41 PM »
I've just bought a gift for my Dad in a similar vein.

He had a little fender bender in a parking lot a week ago when he was trying to back into a parking space.  A friend made the suggestion to me that we (my brother, nephews and/or I) might get him a back-up camera to install on his van.  And she said her husband would be able to install it.  Plus it was on sale for $70 off this weekend.

I thought it was a great idea.  So I called my brother and nephews to see if they wanted to go in on it with me.  When they called me back, my oldest nephew thought it was a great idea but was concerned that my Dad would be embarrassed by it, considering he's been a little upset about the whole incident.  So they suggested that I ask him whether or not he would like one.

I talked to him and he thought it would be a good idea so I picked it up today!

So long story short...  How much do you want this to be a surprise?  If you aren't worried about the surprise aspect, just talk to her about it and see if it is something she might like.

Ummm...  And I just read bloo's post.  I agree.   :)
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Deetee

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Re: Would this be a rude gift?
« Reply #14 on: November 24, 2012, 03:07:16 PM »
I wouldn't get it. There is a lot of pressure to lose weight and it sounds like your MIL has internalised that pressure and equates losing weight with happiness and fame. I think a gift should be a "I like you right now", rather than "Here, become a better person".

That said, I don't think fitness gifts are dreadful. If someone is really into sport or a new and active hobby or (rare exception) really enjoying their weight loss journey, you can get them stuff.

I once asked my husband for some fitness wear as I wanted some nice gym clothes, but I made that request very clear. I was already going to the gym, I just wanted to look good.

But maybe not chocolates as a gift either. :)