General Etiquette > Family and Children

Gifting brothers differently.

(1/18) > >>

SiotehCat:
BG: I have two nephews.

Nephew1 is 14 yrs old and his name is Riley. Nephew 2 is 16 yrs old and his name is Will. My brother is their father, but they have different mothers.

For reasons that I don't really want to get into here, Will has not been a part of our family. That started to change last year.

I do not live in the same area as the rest of my family, so I met Will for the first time around Christmas last year. We had communicated through facebook before that. When we met, I gave him his Christmas present. It was a card(with a note) and cash. I didn't receive a thank you.

I gave Riley the same amount of cash and did receive a thank you.  End BG.


So, I am a little bitter about not receiving the thanks, since it was a good amount of cash. I know I shouldn't be, but that's just how I feel. I haven't spent all year thinking about it, but I did the majority of my Christmas shopping yesterday and started thinking about this years gift to Will. I don't want to let this cloud my judgement, but if I am going to be honest, it did bug me.

I am going to give Riley the same amount of cash as last year. Should I also give Will the same amount of cash? My relationship with Will is almost non existent, but I have a very good relationship with Riley.

Will says that he is going to be spending Christmas with my side of the family this year, so that does change things. 

Maybe I made him uncomfortable by giving him that kind of present when we didn't really know each other. I haven't really spoken to him since.

I am really confused about what I should do here. Any advice or input is appreciated.

JennJenn68:
My only thought on the matter is this... is Will aware of the concept of a thank you note?  I ask because so many of the younger generation seem completely clueless, and it's not necessarily their fault--it tends to go back to whether he/she has been properly instructed by parents.  I know that it burns your buns that he didn't thank you, but I'm wondering if his mother never got around to explaining the niceties of the receiving of gifts...?  (You did say that your nephews have different mothers.)

SiotehCat:

--- Quote from: JennJenn68 on November 24, 2012, 04:29:20 PM ---My only thought on the matter is this... is Will aware of the concept of a thank you note?  I ask because so many of the younger generation seem completely clueless, and it's not necessarily their fault--it tends to go back to whether he/she has been properly instructed by parents.  I know that it burns your buns that he didn't thank you, but I'm wondering if his mother never got around to explaining the niceties of the receiving of gifts...?  (You did say that your nephews have different mothers.)

--- End quote ---

We don't do thank you notes in my family either. I handed him the gift in person, so I did expect a verbal thanks. When it didn't come, I assumed it was because he hadn't opened the gift. I thought that he would go home, open the gift and then text/facebook me a thanks.

JennJenn68:
Ah.  I see.  Yes, that does put a different complexion on things...

I would be inclined to give him one more chance, just to be absolutely certain.  Maybe he was nervous and tongue-tied.  Maybe he was in shock to receive a gift from someone he had just met, even though you are blood relations.  Maybe he is, as I said before, completely clueless and oblivious for the need for thanks.

If you decide not to do so, though, I for one would completely understand.  I know that there's lots more backstory that you haven't posted--you intimated this in your original post--and in the end, you must do what is right for you.

bonyk:
I think you have to give a 15 year old meeting his family for the first time a bit of slack.  He was probably extremely overwhelmed. 

If Will had said thank you, but remained out of contact with you, would you still feel resentful?  If you want more contact, I think you, as the adult, have to initiate.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version