General Etiquette > Family and Children

Gifting brothers differently.

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Outdoor Girl:
Do Riley and Will have a relationship?  And if so, are they likely to see each other over the holidays and perhaps compare notes?  If that's the case, I would gift them the same once more and see if Will was just a little uncomfortable last year and didn't know how to respond.

If they won't, or won't have an opportunity to, compare notes then I think it would be fine to gift Will a lesser amount.

Roe:

--- Quote from: SiotehCat on November 24, 2012, 04:34:03 PM ---
--- Quote from: JennJenn68 on November 24, 2012, 04:29:20 PM ---My only thought on the matter is this... is Will aware of the concept of a thank you note?  I ask because so many of the younger generation seem completely clueless, and it's not necessarily their fault--it tends to go back to whether he/she has been properly instructed by parents.  I know that it burns your buns that he didn't thank you, but I'm wondering if his mother never got around to explaining the niceties of the receiving of gifts...?  (You did say that your nephews have different mothers.)

--- End quote ---

We don't do thank you notes in my family either. I handed him the gift in person, so I did expect a verbal thanks. When it didn't come, I assumed it was because he hadn't opened the gift. I thought that he would go home, open the gift and then text/facebook me a thanks.

--- End quote ---

A verbal thanks, even a text or email is the least one can expect.  (we don't do thank you cards in our family either but not geting a verbal thanks would bother me too)

However, I say give him another chance. He's new to the family.  And given the fact that both nephews will be part of your Christmas celebration, I say give the same amount to both. 

Zilla:
We were also raised not to write thank you notes.  Did he thank you verbally as you handed him the envelope? 
 
Maybe you can buy a gift instead of cash?

Sharnita:
I guess I have a bit different take on this.  Whether you chose to or not you have already gifted these boys differently.  One of them has had you there his whole life and so he has had a christmas present (and probably birthday present?) every year.  One has not been involved and so has not had presents until last Christmas.  Not your fault but not his either and the end result is that they have benefited unequally from you and your family on all levels.  For that reason, I would not penalize him even if he misses another thank you.  You feel somewhat bitter over what you missed (a thank you), maybe he is dealing with some bitterness over what he has missed over the years - not only the material things but everything.  This seems like it is so much more complex than a thank you that I would not focus on that.

gramma dishes:

--- Quote from: Sharnita on November 24, 2012, 05:09:26 PM ---I guess I have a bit different take on this.  Whether you chose to or not you have already gifted these boys differently.  One of them has had you there his whole life and so he has had a christmas present (and probably birthday present?) every year.  One has not been involved and so has not had presents until last Christmas.  Not your fault but not his either and the end result is that they have benefited unequally from you and your family on all levels.  For that reason, I would not penalize him even if he misses another thank you.  You feel somewhat bitter over what you missed (a thank you), maybe he is dealing with some bitterness over what he has missed over the years - not only the material things but everything.  This seems like it is so much more complex than a thank you that I would not focus on that.

--- End quote ---

I'm glad I read all the responses, because I would have typed almost word for word what Sharnita has said.  Will has NOT been gifted equally and that has not been his fault in any way.  I'm sure he was surprised to receive a gift from you at all under the circumstances.  And I also doubt he has been taught about thank you notes.  Add to that a little embarrassment perhaps for not having a gift for you?

I think I'd certainly give him another chance or two.  See how things go.  If he acts happy and excited, consider yourself thanked.  You've made his day.

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