Extreme dietary restrictions

[mj]

I've recently had medical problems that require a very extreme diet change.  Very extreme.  Listing the things I can't eat is far too long, the list that I can eat is much shorter.  Since this has happened I've tried explaining to friends and family and they have a hard time wrapping their head around it, which is fine and understandable.  I even sometimes can be confused (I'm still learning) of the approved food items.  A lot of what is a huge NO is in sneaky items like sauces, dressings etc.  And in my neck of the woods, no one wants to eat what I can eat. 

So I'm wondering, to make it easier on everyone and my hosts (cause I still really want to accept invites and go places!) could I bring my own food to gatherings?  I've never encountered this before, I only know of people who have a few restrictions and my restrictions are way too much for anyone in my surroundings.

Anyone else in a similar boat and any tips to make it work?

[gramma dishes]

No tips, but I think a brief explanation that there are extreme extreme restrictions (and that they are truly medical, not whimsical) and suggesting that you bring your own food so that you can still be a participant in the event is fine. 

The important thing is that you want to spend time with these people and that you don't want your medical condition to cause anyone else to have to jump through hoops to accommodate your food needs and that's, I think, the idea you want to convey.

[Luci45]

I am so accustomed to one group with extreme allergies bringing their food that I wouldn't even notice. I tried very hard to cook for them myself that I just gave up.

Please just tell them that you must do this. I don't even think you have to share. It doesn't sound like your meal would be appealing to to anyone anyway.

Every once in a while someone in that group will bring gluton-free cookies to share or an herb flavored rice dish, but that is all.

[cattlekid]

I've been living with a very restrictive diet for the last two years.  Like you, the list of what I can eat is shorter than the list of what I cannot eat.  When people ask me what I eat, I tell them "tree bark and water".    

But on a more serious note, I don't bother with bringing my own food.  Even though I have a long list of what I shouldn't have, none of it (with the exception of starfruit) is life-threatening.  Therefore, if I absolutely CANNOT find something that doesn't have one of the forbidden items in it, I'll either work around it if I can or take an extremely small serving and eat later.   I also always ask if I can bring something.  That way, I will know that there is at least one dish that I can eat with abandon.

[SiotehCat]

My DH eats a very strict diet that he absolutely cannot modify in any way.

When invited for dinner, he eats before or after and just spends the time doing a lot of socializing.

[Luci45]

My DH eats a very strict diet that he absolutely cannot modify in any way.

When invited for dinner, he eats before or after and just spends the time doing a lot of socializing.

It makes me very uncomfortable to be eating a meal and having someone just sitting there with a glass of water. I much prefer my guests bring out the plastic containers and eat with us.

You have my sympathy, though. I have seen what hoops my sister-in-law has to go through for her family. She just loves to come here for dinner to get 'real food', after she has cooked and packed for her family, probably putting in as much effort as I do as hostess. They live 2 hours away, so wouldl still end up eating pack food in the car if not with us.

[SiotehCat]

My DH eats a very strict diet that he absolutely cannot modify in any way.

When invited for dinner, he eats before or after and just spends the time doing a lot of socializing.

It makes me very uncomfortable to be eating a meal and having someone just sitting there with a glass of water. I much prefer my guests bring out the plastic containers and eat with us.

You have my sympathy, though. I have seen what hoops my sister-in-law has to go through for her family. She just loves to come here for dinner to get 'real food', after she has cooked and packed for her family, probably putting in as much effort as I do as hostess. They live 2 hours away, so wouldl still end up eating pack food in the car if not with us.

And that's fine too. We think its insulting to our hostess for him to bring his own food. The majority of the meal is about the socializing, so it doesn't seem that weird that he's not eating.

[oz diva]

I would be fine if someone bought their own food. In fact it would make life so much easier. If I were you, I'd let your host know beforehand though. Otherwise they may go to a great deal of trouble preparing something you can eat.

[WillyNilly]

I think bringing food is fine, but just have a chat with your hosts before hand.  And if someone wants to make you something and they communicate they understand your restrictions, if you trust them, let them.  If I invite someone over I really don't mind making brand X grain in distilled water or pulverized seeds, or whatever weird thing.  No I don't want to cook it or eat it every day, but if I invite my friend over for a meal, really its not so difficult to make at least a dish or two that's acceptable to them just that one day.  I once hosted a dinner for 8 that had enough options for a full meal for a vegetarian, a person with Candida, and a lactose intolerant person.  I wouldn't eat all those options regularly but honestly everyone could enjoy almost everything and it wasn't a huge deal to me to make a special meal, because it was a dinner party - I was going to make a special meal to begin with! So I just made the most special versions of the restricted foods (for example, if you constantly stir a grain while cooking it, it gets a creamier texture without any additives - its the 'special way' to make plain rice/millet/quinoa/whatever) and planned around it.

But if someone doesn't offer or can't be trusted to get it rice, feel free to bring a dish.  Just wait a minute or two, to make sure you can't have anything there, and just discreetly pull out a tupperware.  Best if its discreetly done, no big production and if asked just smile and say "oh my gosh I'm on this crazy diet so I can never enjoy anything out, it looks great but for now, this is me" with a bit of a shrug and a conversation topic ready to spring "but anyway, weren't you saying something about vacation earlier?  Tell me more." If you act casual, people will respond casually.

[Deetee]

Just bring your own food and tell the host it's a medical diet. I am pretty good at accommodating various restrictions ( vvegetarian. Vegan, Muslim, etc.. ) but I prefer to cook something similar for everyone and I am not comfortable with allergies or anything where an inadvertent error could make someone ill.

[mmswm]

I don't have a long list of things I can't eat, but I do have one extremely severe food allergy.  Even skin contact with a small amount of anything with tomato in it can cause an anaphylaxis reaction. I've had multiple cross-contamination reactions when I ate things that had been prepared around tomatoes and a tiny bit got into my food.  One time, I wound up in the hospital when a food service worker used the same gloves to make my food as he did to make a previous customer's food, and that food had tomato slices on it.  I've never had an issue with people allowing me to bring my own food or simply enjoying a beverage while everybody else ate.  I've never met anybody who hasn't been understanding of medical issues.

[strangetimes]

My husband has a super-crazy, restrictive medical diet. He's been on this diet for over 12 years now and he finds that people prefer if he brings his own food along.

According to him, people tend to be very uncomfortable if a guest is sitting at the table without eating- it makes them feel bad.

If it's just a drop-in type of gathering, he tries to socialize in such a way that it's not obvious he's not eating.

[QueenfaninCA]

If I were your host, I'd like you to talk to me about your restrictions. I'd try to come up with a plan that you might be able to at least eat some of the food I'm preparing but if i is really too complicated/restrictiv/ I'd have no issue with you bringing food (I'd be happy to heat it for you) as I think that's vastly preferable than you eating before or after the gathering and just nursing a glass of water while everyone else digs in.

[Lynn2000]

I POD the idea of talking to each host individually. It's not really fun to have to discuss your medical issues with lots of people, especially those who just don't really "get" it, but I think that's the only way you can find out which option the host prefers: trying to accommodate you, having you bring your own food, having you basically not eat at the gathering.

The other option is to try and arrange social events that don't really involve food, like going to the park in the afternoon instead of meeting somewhere for lunch.

[AliciaLynette]

If I were your host, I'd like you to talk to me about your restrictions. I'd try to come up with a plan that you might be able to at least eat some of the food I'm preparing but if i is really too complicated/restrictiv/ I'd have no issue with you bringing food (I'd be happy to heat it for you) as I think that's vastly preferable than you eating before or after the gathering and just nursing a glass of water while everyone else digs in.

I concur with this, since I'd feel a little 'mean' making you bring your own food, but I do recognise that it may not be possible for me to make something that you would eat along with everybody else.  And you just having a glass of water whilst everyone else was eating heartily would make me cringe as a host.  It seems (to my hostess-y senses) like I'm pushing you out by not having food you can eat!

And, honestly, if the host makes a fuss about you not eating/bringing your own when you've clearly explained that you have medically required dietary restrictions, then a) they're not being a gracious host and b) if I were you, I wouldn't be attending any meals/parties at theirs again!