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Rude to take over hosting duties when you're meant to be a guest? u/d p12

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LifeOnPluto:
On Saturday DF and I hosted a brunch for about 10 people. We both work full-time Monday to Friday, so had limited time getting the place clean, and all the food prepared, etc, by 11am on Saturday. (For various reasons which would take to long to explain, this time/date/venue was the only one that worked for everyone, otherwise we would have hosted this gathering later in the day).

When the guests arrived, I was still in the kitchen, making sandwiches. DF and I greeted the guests, etc, and DF took them for a tour of the garden (at their request). Most of the guests soon filed back inside; however one guest was asking DF lots and lots of questions about the garden, so DF was kind of "stuck" outside for awhile. (This particular guest was from an older generation, and DF couldn't really brush them off without seeming rude, etc). Meanwhile, I was rushing to get the food plated and ready to serve.

At this point, one of the guests (a close relative of mine) took it upon themselves to take over the hosting duties. Takeover Guest started offering the other guests drinks (before I had a chance to do this myself) and opening bottles, pouring drinks, etc. I also had platters of finger food laid out on the kitchen bench. Before I could do anything, Takeover Guest had taken them, and begun circulating and offering them to the other guests in the living room.

Luckily, at that point DF came back inside, and was able to take over the drinks duties, etc. I quickly finished preparing the food, and we were able to eat.

My questions are:

- was it rude for Takeover Guest to take on some of the hosting duties without checking with me and DF first? (Or was it our faults for not being prepared enough?)

- does it make a difference if Takeover Guest is a very close relative of mine? (compared to the other guests who weren't so close)?

- am I under any obligation to thank Takeover Guest for helping with the hosting duties? (even if it was unsolicited help?)

TootsNYC:
I think a guest should touch base about offering to take over hosting duties.

I can see a very close relative (mom, sister, best friend) thinking it wasn't necessary. But I know I would.

I don't see how you were all that unprepared (and I'm the one who thinks I've failed if I have too much kitchen work still going on when guests arrive).

But I would say that for the future, do your best to not still be making sandwiches when people get there. Or whatever is similar.

Also, feel free to STOP making sandwiches and instead go do the hosting duties. And once people have drinks and are eating appetizers, then you can flit out again.

I'm curious--were you a little miffed? It's hard to tell whether you were or not.

bloo:
I think that if LifeonPluto started a thread on this, I'm guessing she/he was miffed. ;)

Anyhoo, I'd be a little miffed myself, but only if close relative or not, someone just took it upon themselves to start hosting.

Honestly, a close relative should have walked up to you and asked, 'Can I help? Would you like me to take over sandwiches or shall I start offering your guests drinks.'

I agree with Toots, I'd have stopped making sandwiches and taken over hosting duties and then when everyone at least had a drink in their hand, go back to finishing sandwiches.

I think it was nice of your relative to help but she/he could have gone about it a better way.

sourwolf:
I'd be a little annoyed and think they should have asked first, but I can also see how they felt they were helping, so my annoyance would probably be more at myself for not being able to have everything ready when the guests arrived.

kherbert05:
In this case - it sound like the person was trying to be helpful but overstepped.


At Brett's birthday Sis was still getting out of the shower when some guests showed up a few minutes early. I let them in, introduced myself, showed them were the self serve drinks and food were, and were the bouncy house was.
Later Sis thanked me.

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