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Rude to take over hosting duties when you're meant to be a guest? u/d p12

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jpcher:

--- Quote from: LifeOnPluto on November 26, 2012, 09:15:49 PM ---We will definitely try to be more on the ball next time. I think part of the problem was that DF had to pick up two of the guests, so he was out of commission for a good chunk of the morning. And there were a couple of other minor hiccups - eg the bread we'd bought only the previous evening turned out to be stale (thanks Big Supermarket Chain who I shall never trust again!) so we had to make an emergency dash for more. Stuff like that. But none of this really, excuses our faux pas as hosts in not being ready.

--- End quote ---

I honestly don't think that you made any hosting faux pas. Especially with the added above and since:


--- Quote from: LifeOnPluto on November 26, 2012, 06:59:23 AM ---That said: (a) we have never hosted a brunch before, so this was our first time; and (b) everything was ready to eat in less than half an hour of the guests arriving, so while there was some delay, there wasn't a huge gap.

--- End quote ---


Bold above, I think your party planning was very well done, even with all the glitches, everything was ready to serve within a 1/2 hour! Major kudos to you!


Don't let MOM! scare you off of your next hosting gig. I think that she was overstepping her bounds a bit, even though she probably did it with good intentions "Let me help you, dear." But it sounds like you didn't need any help, nor did you want it.


Whenever I host a party people (my Mom, SILs, friends) always ask if there's anything they can do to help. I always tell them "No, Thank you, I've got it covered."

They even start doing the dishes and clean-up without asking which bugs me to no end! ::)

I don't take this as an insult on my party hosting ability, I just take it as people trying to be politely helpful . . . but in the long run I, gently, think that they are being rude to me.

At the same time, whenever I'm over at someone elses home for a meal, I always ask "Is there anything I can do to help?"



If you find your mother's help is an insult to your hosting abilities, then you should talk to her about it. Firmly let her know that she is a guest in your home and please! sit down! enjoy the company.




Danika:

--- Quote from: jpcher on November 27, 2012, 08:23:33 PM ---
--- Quote from: LifeOnPluto on November 26, 2012, 06:59:23 AM ---That said: (a) we have never hosted a brunch before, so this was our first time; and (b) everything was ready to eat in less than half an hour of the guests arriving, so while there was some delay, there wasn't a huge gap.

--- End quote ---

Bold above, I think your party planning was very well done, even with all the glitches, everything was ready to serve within a 1/2 hour! Major kudos to you!

--- End quote ---

POD. I'm glad jpcher mentioned this because I feel the same way. When I go to friends' houses, I don't expect to eat the moment I arrive. I figure the guests will come a few minutes apart, hang up their jackets, shake hands, walk around and chit-chat. Eventually get some drinks. 30-45 minutes in, eat some food. It's nice if there are appetizers on the counter when we arrive or before the main meal, but no big deal if there aren't.

As long as the house is fairly clutter-free and the hostess isn't still in a bathrobe with hair in curlers as I arrive, I am just happy to be there and spend time with friends. (And I like spare rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom just in case. Definitely that, too.)

O'Dell:

--- Quote from: LifeOnPluto on November 26, 2012, 09:15:49 PM ---Thanks for the suggestions everyone (especially the food-related ones, Deetee!)

We will definitely try to be more on the ball next time. I think part of the problem was that DF had to pick up two of the guests, so he was out of commission for a good chunk of the morning. And there were a couple of other minor hiccups - eg the bread we'd bought only the previous evening turned out to be stale (thanks Big Supermarket Chain who I shall never trust again!) so we had to make an emergency dash for more. Stuff like that. But none of this really, excuses our faux pas as hosts in not being ready.

--- End quote ---

I don't think your faux pas was in not being ready. It was in leaving your guests unattended for long enough that another guest felt the need to take the initiative. Granted it was your mother so maybe she didn't wait as long as another guest might have. I see your partner as being the one who dropped the ball. As I said in my earlier post, he should be working on ways to extricate himself from guests that are taking too much of his attention away from his hosting duties.

Like other posters, I don't expect food to be ready right when I arrive. I don't see you still prepping food as a problem. If you knew the guests were on their own (still a bit confused if you knew or how long it was) you would have been better off leaving the food and getting drinks in their hands so their wait was more comfortable and *then* finishing up the sandwiches.

I'd see all this as minor glitches if I were a guest. Any changes you make to avoid them in the future would be polishing what seems to be good hosting.

Deetee:

--- Quote from: O'Dell on November 28, 2012, 02:45:22 PM ---
--- Quote from: LifeOnPluto on November 26, 2012, 09:15:49 PM ---Thanks for the suggestions everyone (especially the food-related ones, Deetee!)

We will definitely try to be more on the ball next time. I think part of the problem was that DF had to pick up two of the guests, so he was out of commission for a good chunk of the morning. And there were a couple of other minor hiccups - eg the bread we'd bought only the previous evening turned out to be stale (thanks Big Supermarket Chain who I shall never trust again!) so we had to make an emergency dash for more. Stuff like that. But none of this really, excuses our faux pas as hosts in not being ready.

--- End quote ---

I don't think your faux pas was in not being ready. It was in leaving your guests unattended for long enough that another guest felt the need to take the initiative. Granted it was your mother so maybe she didn't wait as long as another guest might have. I see your partner as being the one who dropped the ball. As I said in my earlier post, he should be working on ways to extricate himself from guests that are taking too much of his attention away from his hosting duties.

Like other posters, I don't expect food to be ready right when I arrive. I don't see you still prepping food as a problem. If you knew the guests were on their own (still a bit confused if you knew or how long it was) you would have been better off leaving the food and getting drinks in their hands so their wait was more comfortable and *then* finishing up the sandwiches.

I'd see all this as minor glitches if I were a guest. Any changes you make to avoid them in the future would be polishing what seems to be good hosting.

--- End quote ---

I concur. I don't see this as a hosting fail at all. A half hour wait for food isn't even a wait. And it was doubly not a wait when there were appetisers available.

I mean, when I go over to a persons house, I expect to be greeted and made welcome and offered a drink at some point. But I am NOT going over to restaurant. I do not not expect a restaurant level of service. To be honest, that would be weird.

When I visit close friends that is all covered by "Hey! Nice to see you. There is some chilled white wine in the fridge. Do you mind pouring me a glass too?"

NotTheNarcissist:
My SIL has taken over my kitchen even to the point of changing my menu without asking me. She is the ultimate "takeover guest." I love help in the kitchen but the least a person could do is repect me enough to ask me first before taking over. So, LifeonPluto, you have my deepest sympathies.

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