Packing at the holiday dinner.

[WillyNilly]

Ok I'm all for our right to own & bear arms.  But at the dinner table?  Unless one is living in Mad max times, the average American Thanksgiving dinner table is not posing any threats worthy of needing a gun.  Coming armed with great conversation topics, yes, armed with an edible side dish, perhaps, armed with a loaded hand gun, nope, not buying it.

As for his whole showing it the kids - yup I would have left to.  I do believe children are best served by being educated and informed about gun safety, but I also think there are certain limits on that - the very first being "ask you mom/dad if its ok for me to show this to you" and the second being "lets make sure this is unloaded" (the second one at some point, and under certain circumstances can change, but certainly a curious uninformed kid in a living room?  Yeah you unload that thing and leave the safety on even unloaded!)  Just not cool all around.

[snowdragon]

If this were my house, Jack would have been told to leave, If I were a guest, I would be leaving. Even if Jack were a cop.

You don't bring a gun to someone's home with out asking the homeowner - and you certainly don't play show and tell with children with it!

[cicero]

I don't know if this is etiquettely sanctioned or not - But had i seen him taking out the gun and showing it to the kids I would have said something to him. Then I would have left (if he didnt' put it away).

I see this as *someone clearly stepping over a line* and I don't care whose house this is and I don't care if the hosts are OK with this . Just like I would speak up if someone used really bad language in front of young kids.

[lowspark]

Assuming it was all legal and he had a license, etc., he has every right to bring that gun with him. But! you also have every right not to be there if you don't feel comfortable with that, for whatever reason. I think leaving was the right thing to do. I understand your concern for the safety of others if you didn't say anything but certainly you wouldn't just up & walk out the door without a word. I would say something like, "Jack I'm not comfortable with you having that gun in the house so please store it in the car." Then if he wouldn't do it, I'd just let everyone know that I wasn't comfortable with the situation and sorry, but we're leaving.

Because honestly, as concerned as I am about the other people's safety, me and mine come first. So I'd have probably been out of there way before dinner was even served.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people lawfully carrying concealed weapons. But as soon as "concealed" switches to "flaunting", I will remove myself from the situation as quickly and quietly as possible.

[cheyne]

I have 2 pistols loaded and ready in our home (DH and I have CCW permits), 8 shotguns, and 4 rifles (these are used for hunting and kept unloaded).  Neither of us has ever felt the need to carry at a dinner table or into someone else's home.  We have had the pistols in the car, but have never taken them inside a private residence.

The fact that Jack was openly packing could mean he does NOT have a CCW permit (several states have such laws).  The fact that he brought the gun in-in plain sight and loaded is what concerns me.  The fact that he was showing off to anyone (children or not) while the gun was loaded goes beyond concern and into alarm. 

I would not have said much when he came into the home and sat at dinner.  Maybe asked him why he was carrying.  *However, I would have told him to unload the gun before showing it off to the kids (or anyone else) and left if he didn't unload the gun. 

*As veterans and hunters/shooters DH and I have some cred with family members/friends on firearms.  Not saying Jack would've listened to us, but it would be worth a "shot".

[Girlie]

It kind of sounds like Jack got a new toy and was trying to show it off. I could also see a little bit of "Look how awesome and cool and strong and tough I am!" in there, as well.

That being said, I have no problem with people having guns. My mom, my sister, my in laws, my husband - they all have carry licenses, and they use them. That being said, other than a quick discussion about the pros/cons of particular models, none of them have ever felt the need to show off their weapons. Which is why I personally am of the particular mindset that if one needs to brag about toting, one probably shouldn't be.

So, in my family - wearing it during dinner - fine, but odd. Taking it out and showing it off around small, impressionable children, on the other hand, would warrant someone saying something. Safety trumps etiquette, and it's just not safe to show off a loaded gun like that.

[siamesecat2965]

I would have been quite freaked out if I went to a family dinner, and a relative of mine showed up like Jack. I will admit I am afraid of guns, though. That being said, I have family who both own and carry (one is a federal agent) but I've never ever seen them or him while I'm around them.  And while I know next to nothing about them, I do know that what he did wasn't how you're supposed to act with guns, esp around children. I would have left as well.

This does remind me of a funny story; years ago I went to a Halloween party at a friend of a friend's house. I didn't know her too well yet, and she had 3 other roommates.  So we're in her bedroom, several of us, with the door closed, and her cousin pulls out this gun, and starts talking about buying acid off HS kids etc. I didn't know her cousin, and was like whoa, what is going on here??? Turns out, she's a cop, and had done some undercover buys since she looked convincing enough to be in HS. She was just checking her gun for something.  I have to say I felt MUCH better knowing that...but there also were no kids at the party either.

[Yvaine]

There really is no need for him to carry while at our dinner table.

I suppose there's the possibility that the turkey might rise as a zombie. Other than that, I got nothin'.

Its head already was gone.

 

[BarensMom]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

[BeagleMommy]

OP, like you, my DH grew up with firearms.  He and his father were avid hunters and target shooters.  They both know how to handle and store guns safely.  Neither had a CCW permit, however.

When his father's health began to fail we told DH's mother that unless the guns were stored away we would not be bringing DS to visit (he was two at the time and DH's dad would forget to put the handgun away).  My MIL made sure the guns were stowed.  After she passed FIL became very depressed so DH removed ALL the guns from the house.

Long story, short - I would have done exactly what you did and mentioned it to the party host later.  It sounds like Jack was trying to prove his machismo.

[weeblewobble]

My husband is a police officer.  He carries a gun with him every where, even to church.  I have grown comfortable with it because DH is careful, competent and discreet. That said, I don't trust anyone else with a gun.

If Jack was a guest in my home, he would have been asked to leave the gun in his car.  If he refused, he would have been asked to leave.

If I was a guest at this dinner, I probably would have left before dinner was served.  I do not spend time in the company of unstable people with firearms.  Call it a personal policy.

It sounds like Jack is either paranoid and abusive, which is a terrible combination with firearms.  Or he brought the gun for shock value, which is almost worse, because his "showing off" behavior will escalate until he gets the reaction he wants.

This is definitely a case of safety over etiquette.  You don't coddle the gun-waver's feelings.  You get out of the situation as soon as possible.

[Jules1980]

I'm from a family of hunters, married into a family of hunters and Law Enforcement officers.  Guns are just a part of life for us.  But so is a health dose of respect for them.  Safety is taught first and foremost and you never show off a gun with unloading it first.  Oh, and other than my grandfather putting his hunting rifles away when he came from a hunt on a holiday (at his house), I've never seen anyone carry their weapons into a family celebration.  Its just not done.  If anyone else was packing, they were discreet enough I've never noticed it.

Sounds like Jack had a cool new toy he wanted to show everyone.

[doodlemor]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

I think that you should call the non-emergency number of the police this week, and let them know about the gun at Jack's house.  It might save an officer's life if they receive a "domestic" call to that address.  This character sounds like a felony waiting to happen.

[CaptainObvious]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

You don't know that he doesn't have those things.

[Two Ravens]

Here's an old thread with an OP from the opposite side. (19 pages)

http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=21927.0