Packing at the holiday dinner.

[Jules1980]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

I think that you should call the non-emergency number of the police this week, and let them know about the gun at Jack's house.  It might save an officer's life if they receive a "domestic" call to that address.  This character sounds like a felony waiting to happen.

That's quite a jump.  He was being a blowhard, but there's nothing to indicate that he would shoot at an officer just because he was trying to be the 'cool' kid and show off his new toy.

[Salvage3]

I, too, have law enforcement friends who carry at all times.  However, if not working, the gun is always covered --think wearing a jacket in warm weather, etc. 

I do think there is an etiquette question here, and my answer would be that you are totally in your rights to explain to any prospective hosts that you will not be present if uncle is going to be carrying.  It's bad enough that he was wearing it openly, but he completely stepped over the line when he started showing it around and discussing it, particularly to childrn.    I don't even think it would have been out of line to have asked the host to require uncle to lock the gun in his care and to have advised that you would be leaving if that did not happen.

I also grew up with guns, but they were treated with respect and not as some toy.

[Adelaide]

When my family gets together for the holidays, almost everyone has a weapon. That's because we're always out in the country and one of our favorite activities is practicing together. When I'm with the family I have throwing knives, a steel-boned fan, and a handgun on me. Several other relatives have shotguns, rifles, and handguns as well.

With that being said, everyone in my family has permits or extensive experience (I don't know of any throwing knife permits ) and everyone respects weapons. I would feel highly uncomfortable around the person you've just described. Not because he has a weapon, but because he insists on brandishing it and showing off for no reason while it's loaded. To me the issue isn't the gun but his total lack of regard for safety.

[Mikayla]

On the etiquette, but I see a difference between responding to the actions of a guest and speaking directly to that guest, vs telling a hostess how to run her home and her event.

"Jack, put that gun away now or we are leaving".   That's different than telling the host that if she is going to allow loaded guns at the dinner table, you're going to have to leave.

As an aside, I saw a scrolling headline on our local news last week that the biggest cause of holiday injuries is Thanksgiving dinner.     I never went to the site to get the full story, but that did create some amusing visuals.

[doodlemor]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

I think that you should call the non-emergency number of the police this week, and let them know about the gun at Jack's house.  It might save an officer's life if they receive a "domestic" call to that address.  This character sounds like a felony waiting to happen.

That's quite a jump.  He was being a blowhard, but there's nothing to indicate that he would shoot at an officer just because he was trying to be the 'cool' kid and show off his new toy.

Yes, it is a jump, but we saw something similar happen. 

The OP suspects that Jack is abusive to his wife.  If officers got called to a "domestic" at their house they should know that there is a gun on the premises.

[Sharnita]

As far as injuries from Thanksgiving dinner - burns, cuts, deep fried turkey disasters ...

[JenJay]

I know a number of people who feel strongly about carrying a gun at all times, however, they'd never unholster and show it around. I'm comfortable with guns and enjoy shooting would not be comfortable with anyone handling a gun in the middle of a group.

If he does that at the next family gathering I'd absolutely leave the room and possibly see if I could get the kids to follow me ("Who wants to play a board game?"). I've already experienced nearly being shot by someone who was messing around when they should have known better. I don't care do go through that again.

[wheeitsme]

Bringing a gun into someone's house without prior permission is rude and not okay.

Bringing a loaded handgun to someone's Thanksgiving celebration table is beyond rude, and so far past okay that you couldn't find rude with the Hubble telescope.

Taking off your loaded handgun that you brought into someone else's house  for Thanksgiving without prior permission and showing it off to the children while talking about how it is loaded is reckless, rude, and bordering on disturbing.

[bopper]

I think you did the right thing in not confronting Jack...he does not seem to be someone who you want to get on the bad side of.
I might have privately gone to the host and asked them if they could ask Jack to put the gun in the car, and if they declined then left quietly like you did.  All you can do now is to call the host now say that you apologize for leaving early, but you did not feel comfortable around Jack the way he was showing off the gun.

[MindsEye]

My DH collects antique guns (they are all in working order) and we also own a number of modern handguns and rifles.  We both hunt and are involved in a local target-shooting club.  We also have family members who are active military, retired military, law enforcement officers, and retired law enforcement officers.  We know guns and are comfortable with them. 

That being said, even the family members who are active-duty LEOs would never wear their guns at the Thanksgiving dinner table or during a family gathering.  They might wear their guns to the gathering, but not once they got there. 

I would not be comfortable around Jack.  Frankly he sounds like an accidental shooting waiting to happen.  It also sounds like he doesn't even know the rudiments of gun safety!  He is the kind of person who gives gun owners a bad name!

[DavidH]

I think it's reasonable to say that the gun at the table makes you uncomfortable and would they mind putting it elsewhere during dinner.  The challenge is where; you can't just put it on an end table and I can understand not wanting to leave it in the car, even if it's out of sight and the car is locked.  It does seem unreasonable to expect an attack during dinner where you need to have the gun that ready to hand. 

If one is careful, I don't see a particular reason why you can't show children a gun provided their parents are okay with this, however the key is to follow and teach appropriate gun safety as you do it. 

Leaving because someone is being reckless with a gun is just a good idea in general, rude or polite is not really all that important if you think they may shoot you accidentally (or on purpose).

In any event, I don't see anything wrong with cutting short the visit if you are uncomfortable with him having a gun at the table.  If you have asked nicely for him to put it elsewhere and suggested a reasonable place (meaning that you can't demand they drive home and put it away and then return with it), then I think you can say that it is really making you so uncomfortable that you feel the need to excuse yourself from dinner.

[O'Dell]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

I think that you should call the non-emergency number of the police this week, and let them know about the gun at Jack's house.  It might save an officer's life if they receive a "domestic" call to that address.  This character sounds like a felony waiting to happen.

This is what I would. It's not going to hurt to call the non-emergency number and ask for some advice. The police can decide for themselves if it's worthy of attention.

Given the vibe and background on Jack, I probably would have done what you did. Although I might also have left right away. I think another guest could have said something *if* they were someone that had a good rapport with him *and* were able to say something privately as tactfully worded advice. Maybe say "I know guns can be fun to show off, but it's making <person that Jack respects> uneasy. We've had our fun looking at it. Can it be put away now?"

[Jules1980]

Displaying a loaded weapon to a small child at the dinner table - rude, reckless and clueless.

Here in CA, one needs a gun license and CCW to tote a gun around the way Jack was doing.  Perhaps if it happens again, a call to the local PD to come out and have a "come to diety" talk with Jack would be in order.

I think that you should call the non-emergency number of the police this week, and let them know about the gun at Jack's house.  It might save an officer's life if they receive a "domestic" call to that address.  This character sounds like a felony waiting to happen.

That's quite a jump.  He was being a blowhard, but there's nothing to indicate that he would shoot at an officer just because he was trying to be the 'cool' kid and show off his new toy.

Yes, it is a jump, but we saw something similar happen. 

The OP suspects that Jack is abusive to his wife.  If officers got called to a "domestic" at their house they should know that there is a gun on the premises.

They should and they will ask the person who has called and a call weeks, months, even years before an incident happens, if it ever does won't be much help.  If everything is on the up and up with the gun, the call will be dismissed and that will be the end of it.

[SPuck]

If Jack was a police officer, I'd have no issue with it at all.  We have friends that are police officers and I know they're required to carry.  However, to be honest, I have never seen their weapons when they are carrying, unless they're in uniform.  I once saw one's when he bent over to pick something off the floor and his jacket flipped up and you could see the gun in the holster on his back.  That was it.

Since you have friends who are in law enforcement, could you ask them what is the best way to act around a person who insists on bringing a gun into a situation like this? Besides knowing the exact laws of the area they will probably have training in the psychological areas also.