The 'stolen' turkey dinner... UPD #331 p23

[Yvaine]

I don't know that there is any evidence that the donor was the person who picked it up.

Maybe the store has surveillance cameras - or maybe that's taking things too far.

Deli manager mentioned the last name of the person who claimed it and it was the same last name that was listed as the donor on the info that my sister got.

Now, I don't know the details--maybe she said the name in her phone calls, maybe she said "I'm picking up a turkey, under Smith," maybe she showed ID to claim it, I don't know. But we have this from the OP.

[EMuir]

To me, the pertinent info is "was the information on the due date available to the sister when she bid".  If the due date was on the information available to all bidders, then the sister missed out and really should not have gone to the store after the due date.   If the information was only on the receipt provided after the bid was won, then sister should get her money back from the church, as she did not get the item she bid on.

I kind of understand Turkey Lady's side.  She meant to donate a Thanksgiving dinner, so she put a date on the receipt.  There was a misunderstanding between her and the auction committee, and they put "turkey dinner" on the auction with or without a date. Then the donor became anxious that the dinner not be "wasted", and also wanted to know that her donation was actually used.  She waited until the last second to come pick it up.  From her point of view, she didn't want her donation wasted, is all.

I hope this gets resolved in a way that everyone is happy.

[Sophia]

I have ZERO sympathy for the turkey donator.  Lots of families stretch out Thanksgiving because they have dinner with more than one group.  Married couples with both sides being demanding.  Divorced couples with kids and grandparents that both demand the kid's presence.  Thanksgiving isn't over Thursday night.  Like the OP's friend.  It is very reasonable for a Thanksgiving dinner to be had Thursday or Friday. 

[Sharnita]

But honestly, OP's sister didn't want what the church promised.  They auctioned a turkey dinner and she hoped it would come in the form of a GC so she could get something else, even though they didn't advertise it as a GC. Then when she did call she was hoping to negotiate a trade for chicken. I don't think that means she automatically forfeits the dinner but to insist that they should provide what they promised when she wasn't actually all that interested in exactly what they promised seems a bit lopsided to me.

[Yvaine]

But honestly, OP's sister didn't want what the church promised.  They auctioned a turkey dinner and she hoped it would come in the form of a GC so she could get something else, even though they didn't advertise it as a GC. Then when she did call she was hoping to negotiate a trade for chicken. I don't think that means she automatically forfeits the dinner but to insist that they should provide what they promised when she wasn't actually all that interested in exactly what they promised seems a bit lopsided to me.

She was fine with it being a turkey dinner until she saw the "expiration" note. At that point she figured they didn't have turkey anymore and she might as well ask if they could substitute something. But I don't think she necessarily didn't want the turkey just because she didn't claim it till Friday. Like others have mentioned, she might have wanted it for a later gathering and (before seeing it was expired) thought they would still have turkey on Friday, because a later gathering is not that uncommon.

[rose red]

It doesn't matter if the TurkeyLady doesn't want the dinner to go to waste.  It wasn't hers anymore.  It was the sister's property as soon as she won the bid and it's the sister's to waste.  Perhaps the TurkeyLady can call to remind her to pick it up or say "if you don't want it, I'll take it," but just taking it without permission is stealing.  IMO, the only expiration date that counts is from the store, not hand written by the donater.  If the coupon is for the donater to cook the meal, then yes, she has the right to set an expiration date, but this is not the case. 

[Sharnita]

She lives in an area where there seem to be a lot of church charity auctions. She went to one such auction that was not for the church she attends (possibly important later). (background: She was going to her SIL's for Thanksgiving dinner, and then she was hosting my family on Saturday so the cousins could all see each other.) One of the items up for auction was a family turkey dinner from the deli of a grocery store in town, valued at about $50. She bid on it (presumably for the $50, although I'm not entirely sure) and won it. Generally, these things are pretty generic (like they say 'turkey dinner', but they really mean a value of $X that can be used for anything in the deli within a month or two). So my sister thought she might be able to trade it in for chicken or something else, and we could all eat it when we came to her house on Saturday. After she got the info, she saw that the auction was very specific; it HAD to be a turkey dinner, and it HAD to be picked up between Monday and Thursday. Well, she waited until Thursday and called the deli to say she was going to be picking it up. She had a coupon of sorts and described it to the manager. The deli manager didn't know what she was talking about. Even he said that typically, people just get a $50 gift card in cases like this. She faxed the coupon to the deli manager so he could see what she was talking about. Actually OP indicated that she meant to switch out before seeing the deadline.

[CaptainObvious]

But honestly, OP's sister didn't want what the church promised.  They auctioned a turkey dinner and she hoped it would come in the form of a GC so she could get something else, even though they didn't advertise it as a GC. Then when she did call she was hoping to negotiate a trade for chicken. I don't think that means she automatically forfeits the dinner but to insist that they should provide what they promised when she wasn't actually all that interested in exactly what they promised seems a bit lopsided to me.

It seems that you are trying to take every avenue possible to pin this on the Sister. She has already stated that she has some blame, but she has the right to alert the Church what happened. And she has the right to get what she paid for.

[rose red]

So what if she wanted chicken instead of turkey?  Once she found out she can only get turkey, she should have gotten it even if she doesn't want it.

[Yvaine]

She lives in an area where there seem to be a lot of church charity auctions. She went to one such auction that was not for the church she attends (possibly important later). (background: She was going to her SIL's for Thanksgiving dinner, and then she was hosting my family on Saturday so the cousins could all see each other.) One of the items up for auction was a family turkey dinner from the deli of a grocery store in town, valued at about $50. She bid on it (presumably for the $50, although I'm not entirely sure) and won it. Generally, these things are pretty generic (like they say 'turkey dinner', but they really mean a value of $X that can be used for anything in the deli within a month or two). So my sister thought she might be able to trade it in for chicken or something else, and we could all eat it when we came to her house on Saturday. After she got the info, she saw that the auction was very specific; it HAD to be a turkey dinner, and it HAD to be picked up between Monday and Thursday. Well, she waited until Thursday and called the deli to say she was going to be picking it up. She had a coupon of sorts and described it to the manager. The deli manager didn't know what she was talking about. Even he said that typically, people just get a $50 gift card in cases like this. She faxed the coupon to the deli manager so he could see what she was talking about. Actually OP indicated that she meant to switch out before seeing the deadline.

Again, I think that has more to do with thinking they might not have turkey past Thanksgiving even though her family Thanksgiving was later in the weekend. It's not that she hates turkey. She just wasn't sure if she could get it.

[DottyG]

Lots of families stretch out Thanksgiving because they have dinner with more than one group.  Married couples with both sides being demanding.  Divorced couples with kids and grandparents that both demand the kid's presence.  Thanksgiving isn't over Thursday night.  Like the OP's friend.  It is very reasonable for a Thanksgiving dinner to be had Thursday or Friday.

My brother and sister-in-law couldn't come on Thanksgiving Day, so we had our family Thanksgiving together on Sunday.  So I POD what you said above.

[DottyG]

Then the donor became anxious that the dinner not be "wasted", and also wanted to know that her donation was actually used.

It's not her business to be "anxious" or wanting "to know that her donation was actually used."

Her relationship with the dinner stopped the second that she donated it.  If the OP's sister wanted to go get the dinner and feed it to the cats behind her house, it was the OP's sister's right to do so.  The donor had no right to the dinner after she left the item with the church auction.

[Sharnita]

I agree she has the right to let the church know and to get what she paid for which would be the turkey dinner. However, I do think it is somewhat significant that she didn't have any great attachment to what she paid for and that she was actually hoping to negotiate something a bit different herself. People keep referring to getting what she paid for - that is a turkey dinner. If the church is required to delover what she paid for it would be the turkey dinner. I don't know if that would thrill her because she wasn't excited to find out that what she paid for was literally what she was getting.

[Kimblee]

Like I said, most auctions I have attended you either see the item (silent auction) where any limits or dealines should be visible or you hear a description before people call out bids.  I am not sure what kind of auction this was, it would be interesting to know.  If the deadline was missing either way then a general policy needs to be included to make sure those kinds of details are included next year so people fully understand what they are getting.  If might actually increase bidding because people will see the deal more clearly.

The church auctions I go to (its not my church, but they do a lot for the community and welcome anyone who wants to bid) don't use a lot of detail. Bidding is done on a piece of paper attatched to a clipboard with a one or two sentence discription on it. (aka: Turkey dinner, three sides; corn, green bean cass., mash. potatoes. Rolls. value: $50) And if you win you get the whatever voucher.

I could see a misunderstanding like this happening there, although at this church someone calling YOU to say "Hey, its almost the turkey deadline. Aren't you gonna go get your dinner, honey?".

[RegionMom]

As far as the information being shown and upfront during the auction, I have seen lovely displays that could not be "misplaced."
It involves plastic sleeves and/or photocopies, or even photographs of said gift offer. 

Potential buyers may think, "Oh, I will get it in blue instead of green, use it in far city, save for three months later, transfer to friend, etc..."  It should be well laid out before a bid is ever made.  Buyer beware, but the seller should inform the buyer! 

Sometimes the packets do have date restrictions, so I know how/if to bid. 

Turkey Lady may have set her own restrictions that no one else knew about, and the church has no idea she changed it.  Perhaps she collected from other businesses, and other buyers are also now frustrated by her imposed restrictions.

Once I have collected for a prize donation, I do not do a follow-up of who "won the bid" or then if it has been used.  In a way, it is a gift, and the recipient decides how/when/if to use it.

My goodness, once I "bought" some funky magnetic jewelry to be made for me, but the woman wound up with a closing business and then cancer.  That one, I wrote off (not for taxes, but wrote off my life, because it would be a hardship for her to honor it.)

Turkey lady was overly involved, whether by design (to get it for herself) or by busy-bodiness. 

For next year, all potential restrictions need to be up front and Turkey Lady needs to be less a part of it.  Yes, the church needs to be told. 

Anyone wishing they still had turkey leftovers yet?  Ours are all eaten, but this thread is making me hungry!