The 'stolen' turkey dinner... UPD #331 p23

[Sharnita]

Fourth, and I will fully admit this was sister's own fault, she didn't try to claim this until Friday.

[Redneck Gravy]

Sorry, I found the update!   my bad

Sis tried to claim the dinner on Friday after the expiration date.   

I hate it when that happens but that is why there are deadlines and expiration dates for certain things - like precooked dinners. 

All the other stuff is irrelevant but incredibly fascinating! Wow.

[Jones]

But the "expiration date" was placed by a third party who had no right to place that date.

[Yvaine]

Sis tried to claim the dinner on Friday after the expiration date.   

I hate it when that happens but that is why there are deadlines and expiration dates for certain things - like precooked dinners. 

All the other stuff is irrelevant but incredibly fascinating! Wow.

The bolded sounds oddly snarky through the internet, for some reason.

We have already discussed the expiration date, and my conclusion is that yes, she missed the date, but I'm inclined to give her a pass on it because (a) it doesn't sound like she was expecting them to still honor it but was asking just-in-case, and (b) it doesn't sound like the expiration date was legit anyway, but just something Turkey Lady wrote on there herself after leaving the deli. In the grand scheme of etiquette sins, I think making up a fake expiration date trumps trying one's luck with an expired coupon if one is willing to politely accept a "no."

[Sharnita]

I'm not sure that I agree that the donor had no right to place an expiration. Of course, I'm not sure I disagree. If she wants to donate a Thanksgiving dinner specifically then it has to be by Thursday. Let's say I want to donate quilt (and that I can quilt). So my donation is a quilt that will fit your bed. But I am even more specific and say I am donating a U of M quilt. Now, on the one hand I could be open to a MSU, OSU or even flowered quilt but it seems like if I am making the donation then I do have the option of placing limits.

[Redneck Gravy]

Well I certainly didn't mean it snarky at all.  I did not see the update and when someone corrected me I went back and looked again until I found it.

Perhaps Turkey Lady donated the dinner to the auction - thinking that if the winner did not pick it up she would take it to a shelter rather that see it wasted.  Why do so many assume she planned to eat it? 

Had the winner contacted the deli, the owner might have been willing to exchange the meal for a gift card of equal value, he sounds as surprised as Sis.  Now the fact that Sis missed the deadline is not the deli's fault - they prepared a dinner that had been prepaid, Sis wanting to come in the day after the deadline (even though it was set by the donor, it was still a deadline) makes her seem a little snowflakey imo.  Deadlines are deadlines.

Yes, the whole incident sounds fishy and I would discuss it with the auction organizer but it sounds like the deadline was clearly spelled out and Sis missed it.  However, to avoid future mishaps like this, auction organizers need to know.     

[Yvaine]

I'm not sure that I agree that the donor had no right to place an expiration. Of course, I'm not sure I disagree. If she wants to donate a Thanksgiving dinner specifically then it has to be by Thursday. Let's say I want to donate quilt (and that I can quilt). So my donation is a quilt that will fit your bed. But I am even more specific and say I am donating a U of M quilt. Now, on the one hand I could be open to a MSU, OSU or even flowered quilt but it seems like if I am making the donation then I do have the option of placing limits.

If you want to give a U of M quilt, then give a U of M quilt, as in the physical object and not a gift certificate to Quilts R Us. By the same token, if you want the dinner to only be eaten on Thursday and not at someone's Saturday Thanksgiving dinner, then find some way to stipulate that through the store, or take the winner out to a turkey dinner on Thursday yourself, or whatever. (Edit: I didn't realize you were making the quilt in your example. Yes, if you are both the donor and the vendor, you can stipulate that you will only make a U of M quilt. Just like if you were actually cooking the dinner, you could make them stick with turkey or with your chosen date or whatever.)

But if you give a gift certificate that does not already have an expiration date through the vendor, you can say what you'd like the person to do with it, but it stops being yours once you've donated it and you can't make the person honor your wish. They've paid for the right to do whatever they want with it. And you can't involve the vendor in your personal quirks without even telling them.

And it seems rather mean-spirited to suggest that Thanksgiving dinner can only only only be eaten on Thursday considering we have had several ehellions post in this thread that they had to have it Friday or Saturday to get their whole family together, which is surely more important that the technical day of Thursday.

[DottyG]

Perhaps Turkey Lady donated the dinner to the auction - thinking that if the winner did not pick it up she would take it to a shelter rather that see it wasted.

Again, it's not TL's business to be concerned about whether the meal was wasted or not.  Her tie to the meal ended when the donation was handed over to the auction organizer.  She doesn't get to decide that the meal was wasted and needed to be taken care of; it's no longer hers to do so.

[Sharnita]

But sis herself assumed that they would stop making turkey after Thursday - was that mean-spirited of her?  Was she assuming the deli was mean-spirited? Does that make them both mean-spirited?

[DottyG]

And you can't involve the vendor in your personal quirks without even telling them.

Exactly.  If she wanted to impose this deadline on the meal, she should have, at the very least, informed the people who were going to be providing the actual meal.

And it seems rather mean-spirited to suggest that Thanksgiving dinner can only only only be eaten on Thursday considering we have had several ehellions post in this thread that they had to have it Friday or Saturday to get their whole family together, which is surely more important that the technical day of Thursday.

As one of the posters who said this was the case with my own family, I agree with this.

[Yvaine]

Perhaps Turkey Lady donated the dinner to the auction - thinking that if the winner did not pick it up she would take it to a shelter rather that see it wasted.

Again, it's not TL's business to be concerned about whether the meal was wasted or not.  Her tie to the meal ended when the donation was handed over to the auction organizer.  She doesn't get to decide that the meal was wasted and needed to be taken care of; it's no longer hers to do so.

Yes, this. It's the same as giving a gift to an individual. You can't make the person cherish it exactly like you want them to--you can only hope and let go of it.

But sis herself assumed that they would stop making turkey after Thursday - was that mean-spirited of her?  Was she assuming the deli was mean-spirited? Does that make them both mean-spirited?

No. If a business doesn't make turkey after Thanksgiving, it's because they've decided it's not profitable because fewer people eat it after the date, even if some do. It's a business decision. And sis figured Thanksgiving is more about the people than the food and so it would be fine to have chicken for it, because she'd rather have chicken with her family there than turkey with nobody there. Can't see anything mean-spirited there.

[PurpleyBlue]

Perhaps Turkey Lady donated the dinner to the auction - thinking that if the winner did not pick it up she would take it to a shelter rather that see it wasted.

Again, it's not TL's business to be concerned about whether the meal was wasted or not.  Her tie to the meal ended when the donation was handed over to the auction organizer.  She doesn't get to decide that the meal was wasted and needed to be taken care of; it's no longer hers to do so.

Exactly.  She had no business calling the deli even once to see if the meal had been claimed, much less repeatedly, over several days.

I make silent auction donations on behalf of our business.  I will admit that, if I am at the auction, I'll stop by at the end and see how much it went for.  That, however, is the end of it.  I don't obsessively follow up to see that the gift certificate was redeemed.  I don't try to find out who won.  It's not my concern.  I made a donation, and the charity in question was compensated for it, end of story.  The donation served its purpose.

[Redneck Gravy]

Had Sis contacted the deli before the expiration date I would have a different opinion - but the bottom line is that she missed the expiration date.

For a pre-cooked meal - it's not like she could go in on Friday and pick up just any sweater.  It was clearly indicated that this was for a meal to be picked up by THURSDAY.

Yes, still a shady way to donate but a deadline was given.  And calling everyday to check on the meal then swooping in at the last minute to snatch it - very shady. The deli owner could have just said sorry you missed the Thursday turkey deadline.  His offering of the other information was none of her business anyway but if he hadn't we wouldn't have this thread to discuss.   

 

[SiotehCat]

I don't think it matters who received the turkey dinner AFTER the expiration date. I also don't think it matters who set the expiration date.

There was an expiration date for the turkey dinner. OPs sister missed it. Its that simple.

[Moray]

Had Sis contacted the deli before the expiration date I would have a different opinion - but the bottom line is that she missed the expiration date.

For a pre-cooked meal - it's not like she could go in on Friday and pick up just any sweater.  It was clearly indicated that this was for a meal to be picked up by THURSDAY.

Yes, still a shady way to donate but a deadline was given.  And calling everyday to check on the meal then swooping in at the last minute to snatch it - very shady. The deli owner could have just said sorry you missed the Thursday turkey deadline.  His offering of the other information was none of her business anyway but if he hadn't we wouldn't have this thread to discuss.   

 

Nope. The "Bottom Line" is that the "expiration date" wasn't valid, it was an arbitrary restriction placed by Turkey Lady on a purchase that had already been made from the deli.

Frankly, I think all this squawking about the expiration date is a complete red herring. Once the TL donated the item, and once the OP's sister won the bid on that item, TL's involvement was to have ended. Full stop. The transaction/agreement ceased being between anyone but the deli and the OP's sister.

It was wrong of TL to continue to insert herself.