The 'stolen' turkey dinner... UPD #331 p23

[Isisnin]

This saga reminds me of one of Judge Milan's (the judge on People's Court), favorite sayings, that her job is to "make people whole".  So who lost here?  Who came out whole? And who gained?

The OP's sister lost because she is out $50 and didn't get the turkey dinner.  Or if one thinks the OP should have abided by the expiration date that the TurkeyLady put on the copy of the receipt, one could say she is whole.  But the OP's sister definitely did not gain.

The store is whole as it only redeemed one receipt.

The church gained as it was supposed to have since it was a charity auction for the church. 

The TurkeyLady did purchase the receipt (the deli told the OP's sister that when they donate to a charity auction it's with a gift coupon, not a receipt.)  then she donated it to the church and she gets a tax deduction for denoting.  At that point she was "whole" - made a donation gets a tax donation.  For her to go and get the dinner too - she gained.

So TurkeyLady should be "ungained".  that is up to the church since TurkeyLady gave them the copy of the receipt.

I've told this story to different friends and neighbors who are very active in fundraising for their church and/or other charities, and they are all shocked to a one.  All of them agree that the church needs to know about this as such goings'on can hurt the churches rep and charities take great care to cultivate good relationships with local businesses in order to keep getting donations from them. 

How to resolve is a bafflement though.  One neighbor did later suggest to me that the church should call the TurkeyLady in, explain to her what happened and that the church has been embarrassed in front of both the deli and the OP's sister.  Then the church need to further explain that they feel strongly that the situation should be made right.  Finally, ask the TurkeyLady what she thinks should be done to make the situation right.

(edited to clarify that the church should say they are the one who feels things should be made right)

[Yvaine]

This saga reminds me of one of Judge Milan's (the judge on People's Court), favorite sayings, that her job is to "make people whole".  So who lost here?  Who came out whole? And who gained?

The OP's sister lost because she is out $50 and didn't get the turkey dinner.  Or if one thinks the OP should have abided by the expiration date that the TurkeyLady put on the copy of the receipt, one could say she is whole.  But the OP's sister definitely did not gain.

The store is whole as it only redeemed one receipt.

The church gained as it was supposed to have since it was a charity auction for the church. 

The TurkeyLady did purchase the receipt (the deli told the OP's sister that when they donate to a charity auction it's with a gift coupon, not a receipt.)  then she donated it to the church and she gets a tax deduction for denoting.  At that point she was "whole" - made a donation gets a tax donation.  For her to go and get the dinner too - she gained.

So TurkeyLady should be "ungained".  that is up to the church since TurkeyLady gave them the copy of the receipt.

I've told this story to different friends and neighbors who are very active in fundraising for their church and/or other charities, and they are all shocked to a one.  All of them agree that the church needs to know about this as such goings'on can hurt the churches rep and charities take great care to cultivate good relationships with local businesses in order to keep getting donations from them. 

How to resolve is a bafflement though.  One neighbor did later suggest to me that the church should call the TurkeyLady in, explain to her what happened and that the church has been embarrassed in front of both the deli and the OP's sister and feels strongly that the situation should be made right.  Then ask the TurkeyLady what she thinks should be done to make the situation right.

Good post. Even if one feels that Sis is whole, Turkey Lady double dipped. There can be differing viewpoints on whether the sister is owed anything, but Turkey Lady has benefited twice from that dinner now.

[KarenK]

This saga reminds me of one of Judge Milan's (the judge on People's Court), favorite sayings, that her job is to "make people whole".  So who lost here?  Who came out whole? And who gained?

The OP's sister lost because she is out $50 and didn't get the turkey dinner.  Or if one thinks the OP should have abided by the expiration date that the TurkeyLady put on the copy of the receipt, one could say she is whole.  But the OP's sister definitely did not gain.

The store is whole as it only redeemed one receipt.

The church gained as it was supposed to have since it was a charity auction for the church. 

The TurkeyLady did purchase the receipt (the deli told the OP's sister that when they donate to a charity auction it's with a gift coupon, not a receipt.)  then she donated it to the church and she gets a tax deduction for denoting.  At that point she was "whole" - made a donation gets a tax donation.  For her to go and get the dinner too - she gained.

So TurkeyLady should be "ungained".  that is up to the church since TurkeyLady gave them the copy of the receipt.

I've told this story to different friends and neighbors who are very active in fundraising for their church and/or other charities, and they are all shocked to a one.  All of them agree that the church needs to know about this as such goings'on can hurt the churches rep and charities take great care to cultivate good relationships with local businesses in order to keep getting donations from them. 

How to resolve is a bafflement though.  One neighbor did later suggest to me that the church should call the TurkeyLady in, explain to her what happened and that the church has been embarrassed in front of both the deli and the OP's sister and feels strongly that the situation should be made right.  Then ask the TurkeyLady what she thinks should be done to make the situation right.

Good post. Even if one feels that Sis is whole, Turkey Lady double dipped. There can be differing viewpoints on whether the sister is owed anything, but Turkey Lady has benefited twice from that dinner now.

I typed my own response. Then I read these. I'll attach myself to Yvaine and Isisnin.

[Shoo]

Did the OP's sister know about the expiration date before she made the auction bid?  This thread is so long, it just seems easier to ask rather than read back through 15 pages of posts.  Anyone remember?

[Sharnita]

Did the OP's sister know about the expiration date before she made the auction bid?  This thread is so long, it just seems easier to ask rather than read back through 15 pages of posts.  Anyone remember?

It is unclear.  We know sis kind of assumed it would come in the form of a gift card she could actually use for something other than turkey so I am not sure if they were unclear or she was just working on prior experience and not paying close attention.  She might not even be 100% sure whether or not they said anything about it.

[Emmy]

Hooray! Was beginning to think the mods had decided to keep this thread permanently locked.

On topic, regardless of whether the deadline was imposed by Turkey Lady, or the Deli, TL had absolutely no right to claim it before the deadline.

She might have had a case if she'd phoned the deli on Friday morning (ie after the deadline had passed) and said "Hey, by any chance, did the raffle winner NOT pick up the turkey dinner? And if they didn't do you still have it?" But even then, the polite thing would be for TL to call the OP's sis and remind her about her unclaimed prize...

Assuming Turkey Lady knew who won and had access to the OP's phone number, I think she should have phoned the OP to remind her of the deadline.  Her making such a short deadline, making all the phone calls, and picking up the dinner before the actual deadline seemed very self-serving.  I wonder if she had donated something similar in years past and always got to claim it for herself.  She gets credit for donating for the auction, a tax deduction, and a dinner.  Since the OP had a voucher and not the store gift card, I wonder if she would have had a problem with picking up the dinner even if Turkey Lady had not picked it up first.  I agree with those who said talk to the church and explain the problem.  Hopefully they can refund the money and make rules that would prevent this kind of thing in years to come.  The store had no way of knowing who was the rightful owner of the turkey dinner and they just honored a valid receipt.

In college, I remember asking local merchants to donate products and services for a charity auction.  I can see merchants imposing more deadlines and limits in this case than if somebody had purchased the service for the auction.  I assume this was not the case for this auction (or that would take Turkey Lady from bad to worse).  In any case, if somebody had purchased a gift card or voucher from the store for a certain price, it certainly wouldn't expire and be of no value in a few days.

[JenJay]

What bothers me is that the Turkey Lady added her own expiration date to the donation, called repeatedly throughout the week to see if the dinner had been redeemed, and made no effort to ensure it had been picked up by the person who won it. She knew it hadn't been picked up by her expiration date so why didn't she contact one of the organizers of the auction and try to get word to the winner? It's pretty clear to me that she was hoping she could get credit for the donation and enjoy the meal herself. That goes against the spirit of the donation and I think people need to be made aware. What's to stop her doing this whenever the church does a fundraiser?

I think OP's Sis should contact the person in charge of the auction and explain that she tried to pick up her dinner and was told by the store manager that the dinner had already been claimed by the person who purchased it, using the original receipt as proof, and ask what they recommend she do. The church can put two and two together and go from there. Hopefully they will offer to refund her money or get her a gift card for the store. I hope someone has a word with Turkey Lady, as well!

[Sharnita]

What bothers me is that the Turkey Lady added her own expiration date to the donation, called repeatedly throughout the week to see if the dinner had been redeemed, and made no effort to ensure it had been picked up by the person who won it. She knew it hadn't been picked up by her expiration date so why didn't she contact one of the organizers of the auction and try to get word to the winner? It's pretty clear to me that she was hoping she could get credit for the donation and enjoy the meal herself. That goes against the spirit of the donation and I think people need to be made aware. What's to stop her doing this whenever the church does a fundraiser?

I think OP's Sis should contact the person in charge of the auction and explain that she tried to pick up her dinner and was told by the store manager that the dinner had already been claimed by the person who purchased it, using the original receipt as proof, and ask what they recommend she do. The church can put two and two together and go from there. Hopefully they will offer to refund her money or get her a gift card for the store. I hope someone has a word with Turkey Lady, as well!

I think we are still unclear though if she bought a turkey dinner from the deli and they said "that has to be picked up by closing on Thursday".  In that case she might have written the deadline but she didn't add her own deadline, KWIM?  I still don't like the sharking around but I think the creation of the deadline thing is still a bit murky.

[Take2]

I don't know TurkeyLady, so it could well be true that the assumptions made here about her are true and she intended to double dip and nefariously stole the turkey dinner.

But it COULD also be true that she was worried things wouldn't work out. Perhaps the deli told her the turkey had to be claimed by Thursday afternoon, so she wrote it on the coupon. And then, having been to the deli, she was worried about so many employees. What if they didn't honor the coupon? So she checked up several times, because she wanted to make sure it went smoothly. Well, it didn't. Nobody showed up to claim the turkey at all. Since it wasn't a church member who won, she had no contact details available. So she ran and picked up the turkey dinner and donated it to a women's shelter or even the church's own mission. She would still be in the wrong, IMO, unless she ran this final choice by the church and they agreed to the plan. But she doesn't necessarily have to be a greedy woman perched on her chair ready to swoop down and eat someone else's dinner. It could just be a moment of bad judgement.

Either way, the church needs to be aware of how this played out. If the dinner was donated gladly and fetched a price near what they hoped, they are likely to repeat it next year, completely oblivious to how poorly it turned out behind the scenes this year!

[Shoo]

Turkey lady was WAY too invested in this dinner.  Why did she care whether or not it got picked up?  It wasn't hers.  So what if whoever bought it didn't pick it up?  That's not her business.  The repeated phone calls to the deli indicates to me that this woman intended all along to have that dinner for herself. 

[bopper]

As this was church related, I would contact the pastor of the church and explained what happened.   The OP redeemed the dinner on Thursday within the time frame stated.  The Turkey Lady knows who won the auction and should have been able to contact the OP if she was so concerned.  I would also tell the Pastor that the OP would like her money back.

[CaptainObvious]

Turkey lady was WAY too invested in this dinner.  Why did she care whether or not it got picked up?  It wasn't hers.  So what if whoever bought it didn't pick it up?  That's not her business.  The repeated phone calls to the deli indicates to me that this woman intended all along to have that dinner for herself.

I agree with you. Once she donated it, it was no longer any of her concern and she shouldn't have cared at all. To me, the other details don't matter, she had no rights to the meal.

[CreteGirl]

I doubt that since the item was paid for, as evidenced by the receipt, that the store would impose such a tight deadline for redeeming the voucher.  I could understand if the voucher might expire after one year, but certainly not in a matter of weeks. 

So if Turkey Lady was so worried about the turkey not being picked up by the expiration date, why did she put such a short time frame on the redemption period?

[DottyG]

Since it wasn't a church member who won, she had no contact details available.

The OP's sister was a church member.

And it doesn't matter if the dinner wasn't picked up.  TL's getting it and donating it is way beyond her right.  She doesn't get to just decide to get the dinner and give it away.  It's not hers to do so.  If that's what she did, she still stole the dinner - even if it was donated.

(ETA:  Take2, I think you might have missed an update to the story - http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=123273.msg2837829#msg2837829)
 
 

[DottyG]

In this story, I cannot find any way that TL was in the right.  Not in what may have actually happened or in all the suppositions that we've put forth.

Whether the Deli has some responsibility in this, or the OP does, or the church does can be debated.  But nothing gives a pass to the TL that I can see.