Author Topic: 1st birthday party - what's my obligation? update p#18, 32  (Read 6774 times)

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Stormtreader

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Re: 1st birthday party - what's my obligation? update p#18
« Reply #30 on: November 30, 2012, 09:55:50 AM »
Sounds like hes working on the basis of "visiting my friends is fun, visiting your friends is a chore to be endured" without considering that maybe that works the other way around as well...

O'Dell

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Re: 1st birthday party - what's my obligation? update p#18
« Reply #31 on: November 30, 2012, 02:47:53 PM »
I find what works best *for me*, YMMV of course, is to state back to the person the message you are getting from their actions/statements and ask them to commit to that. And do this without loaded words or overstating...keep as neutral and factual as you can and try to highlight any contradictions.

"So what I'm getting from you is that there can be no time limit or clock watching when we are with your friends, but with my family we need a set time to leave and several reminders over the course of the visit? Am I getting that right?"

Sometimes it works right off the back. The person realizes they are behaving like a jerk. Sometimes the person blusters and tries to justify their stance, but often the seed has been planted for them to start rethinking their behavior. (And some people are just hopeless, but I assume your husband isn't like that.)
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Walt Whitman

Shopaholic

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Re: 1st birthday party - what's my obligation? update p#18
« Reply #32 on: December 02, 2012, 01:28:35 AM »
I find what works best *for me*, YMMV of course, is to state back to the person the message you are getting from their actions/statements and ask them to commit to that. And do this without loaded words or overstating...keep as neutral and factual as you can and try to highlight any contradictions.

"So what I'm getting from you is that there can be no time limit or clock watching when we are with your friends, but with my family we need a set time to leave and several reminders over the course of the visit? Am I getting that right?"

Sometimes it works right off the back. The person realizes they are behaving like a jerk. Sometimes the person blusters and tries to justify their stance, but often the seed has been planted for them to start rethinking their behavior. (And some people are just hopeless, but I assume your husband isn't like that.)

^
This is  good. Not sure it will work on my husband - he's got his own logical explanation to counter everything. I.E, he imposed a time limit because  my sister doesn't manage time well, or to avoid traffic.

Anyway - the party was yesterday and I survived :).
My husband raised an eyebrow at the price of the gift until I told him how much we spent on our nieces and nephews.

It was a party very much geared towards kids - most of the hosting couple's friends already have at least one kid. We were one of maybe 4-5 couples without kids (we're expecting).
We got there at 10:30, only half of the guests had arrived. Brunch was served at around 11.
Cake was served at 11:30.
People with kids started leaving before 12:00.
My husband wanted to leave at 12:15.

I do think they're nice people - they're good hosts, came up to talk to everyone, were genuinely happy to see us. There were play areas for kids of different ages, and party favors for the kids.
The hostess invited us over in a more casual setting.
I spent most of my time listening to my husband talk, or making very light conversation.
No one-uppmanning.

I'm also thinking that maybe my own resistance to this group's company plays a part in how I feel, so maybe I should make an effort to socialize with them more often. Thinking about it...