General Etiquette > general

1st birthday party - what's my obligation? update p#18, 32

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The main problem, in my view, is that your DH is placing his friends and his activities over your friends and your activities. It doesn't make sense to spend all day celebrating with his friends and ignore yours, who has just gone through an important life change. After all, you gave his friends attention when their child was born.

Since the party is this weekend, I imagine that you have already RSVPed. In any case, I would sit DH down and negotiate how you are going to split the day between the two of you. His friends are not more important than yours and you get a say in how your time is spent. In the worst case scenario, I would take the car and go to my friend and let him get a ride to the party.

I would not make this about how you dislike these people, how they didn't treat your DH well or about gift giving. I would just focus on getting the message that my friends are important too across.

I've never heard of a 10am party before.  If I were in your shoes (and I have been with DH's friends that make no effort to reciprocate his friendship in any manner), I would put DH in charge of the present. 

Why can't you both just split up for the day? 

DH can go to his friends' kid's birthday party.
You can go see your best friend and her baby.

You can drop DH off if there is a car issue, and then pick him up later.

I think I'm married to the most annoying man alive...

He called me earlier, in the middle of work. Clearly in a bad mood (pertaining to me asking me why he hadn't taken out the trash this morning).
He brought up the subject of Saturday, said he won't have me there "waiting with a stopwatch."

This is from the man who sets a time for leaving every time we meet up with my friends/family and checks with me 4 times during the event if I remember when we decided to leave.
So...sorry, honey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander!

I suggested I leave him there and take the car, he refused.
He will either have to commit to a time for leaving, or hitch a ride - there are plenty of people going in that direction.

Present is his responsibility. I will not spend my time and energy searching for a gift. He will probably ask me Saturday morning if I bought anything... nope, sorry.
I manage relationships with my friends and family, he manages relationships with his. This is not new to him.

I think you've got a good plan going.  Since your husband is the one who wants to maintain the relationship and impress people who, quite frankly, don't sound very nice at all, he should be the one making the effort.


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