Gave away gift in front of me

[PennyandPleased]

Last week was DBF's youngest sisters birthday. In her town there is a semi-famous jewelry shop that has very popular bracelets that are very unique. DBFs sister has been shamelessly hinting that she wants a bracelet from this shop.

For her gift I bought her two. (For what it's worth they were $40 each.) I had them wrapped in the store's logo covered box and wrapping paper so there was no question where they were from.

At her birthday dinner her older brother was there with 3 kids. Two are girls aged 1 1/2 and 3.

After dinner we gave her gifts and I have her the bracelets. Everyone made a big deal that she "finally " got her bracelets from "special store" so again there was no question where they were from. Right after gifts were opened the older brother and his wife got ready to leave and started packing up. While they were doing so the Birthday Sister was showing the 2 baby nieces her bracelets. They loved them because they were so shiny and such. The kids were playing with them and seemed to love them. I was present for all of this and there was only a few people there so there is no question that Birthday Sister knew I was watching this. When the parents of the nieces were ready to go the Birthday Sister said to the nieces: "okay girls you can have my new bracelets. They were not the ones I asked for anyway. ". And she put the bracelets on the kids and then the kids left with their parents.

This was done right in front of me and there is no way that Birthday Sister could think I didn't see the exchange. I'm really angry that this happen. For one I know that the bracelets are as good as gone and my 80$ is out the widow. I'm also very angry that she would do this in front of me.

DBF was working that night so he was not there for this and when I got home and told him what happened he didn't seem to see the big deal. My feeling on it was that if she didnt want the bracelets that was fine but she could have exchanged them Or at the very least waited for a different time to give them away.

Am I over reacting for being angry about this? Was what Birthday Sister said and did as rude as I think it is?

[alice]

That is terrible.  Didn't anyone say anything?  I would have had to say something if my daughters were given gifts like this? 

I am so sorry that happened.  I don't blame you for feeling hurt.

[WillyNilly]

Yes, it was absolutely rude.  What a horrible thing to do!  She sounds terribly ungrateful and I think you now know to pretty much not ever get her anything of value going forward and merely token gifts from now on if any at all.

[Yvaine]

Yes, it was rude. People can do whatever they want with gifts--even if it's something that would deeply sadden the giver--but the proper etiquette is to dispose of them out of the giver's sight.

[Twik]

Of course you are not over-reacting. Your DBF seems to feel that his sister is such a snowflake that the correct response should have been "Oh, I'm so sorry, let me go and buy you exactly the ones you want!"

Next time he gives you something, perhaps you could immediately give them to someone (or throw them in the garbage, whatever) with a shrug that "it's not exactly what I asked for". Perhaps that would get through to him why you don't disrespect givers like this. Otherwise, I might consider turning the D to an X, if he really doesn't get why such behaviour is unacceptable.

In any event, I would never get this child another present until she apologizes. Which, from the attitude of her family, will probably be never, so consider it money well saved.

[afbluebelle]

That's incredibly rude, but I can't help but wonder if her family was like mine growing up. I had to sacrifice a ton of presents I liked because younger cousins (on both sides) expressed interest in them. My parents were pushovers, and the one time I tried to keep one, the consequences sucked. Plus, I still had to give it up.

You were there though, so I am sure that you got a way better feel of the dynamic. I'm just still (not so) secretly mourning the loss of my remote control helicopter. 

[PennyandPleased]

Thanks all.

For what it's worth DBF was very sympathetic and took my side but basically was like "ooohh sister just loves those kids so much." He did say don't buy her gifts anymore though.

Also the Birthday Sister is 26 so not a child.

Afbluebell- I'm sorry you dealt with that as a child. That is completely wrong. I'm sending imaginary hugs and gifts your way.

I don't plan on getting her a Christmas gift. I won't see her for the holiday so no awkward moment if I don't.

[Sophia]

That was a deliberate and premediated slight. 

[SPuck]

I think you have the right to say something once (someone with better words could come up with that), and take this as a lesson learned. If she ever has the gaul to question why you never give her anything else as impressive, you have the right to tell her why.

[Yvaine]

That's incredibly rude, but I can't help but wonder if her family was like mine growing up. I had to sacrifice a ton of presents I liked because younger cousins (on both sides) expressed interest in them. My parents were pushovers, and the one time I tried to keep one, the consequences sucked. Plus, I still had to give it up.

I experienced a bit of this too and it stinks.  But in this case, the little zinger she added at the end shows the real spirit of the giveaway, I think.

[Outdoor Girl]

I'd never give her a gift again.

[Roe]

Definitely never give her a gift again!

How incredibly rude and insensitive!  I agree with a PP, it seems as if she meant it to hurt you. 

[CrochetFanatic]

After something like this, she'd be darn lucky to receive so much as a verbal "Happy Birthday" from me, because she's basically shown what other people's thoughtfulness means to her.  And if her feelings were hurt after that, tough noogies.

[DottyG]

I'm stunned by this one.  That was so incredibly rude - especially with, as Yvaine said, the zinger at the end.

Like others said, you can do what you want with a gift once it's given to you.  But, come on.  There is a right and wrong way to do so.  This was so much the wrong way.

[Dr. F.]

Twenty-six??

I was picturing at most a 16-year-old. Good grief. She's way more than old enough to know how rude that was.