Gave away gift in front of me

[Hillia]

Nothing to add except...yeah.  She'd never, ever get another gift or card from me.  And the parents of the little girls were equally rude.

[FoxPaws]

Knowing that she is 26 makes me believe this was a deliberate slight. If there were a give-away-anything-that-is-admired culture in the family, your boyfriend should/would have explained that.

As hurtful as this incident was, it did provide you with some valuable insight into the family dynamics and the personalities involved, including your guy. Good information to have going forward; it would definitely factor into any decisions I made concerning my future with this man.

[sevenday]

I would ask your boyfriend to speak to his  parents and request that they intercede to get the bracelets back.  $80 is a lot of money.  If the problem is that the girls would be upset -they are young enough that this will not be a lasting scar on their psyches to have a bracelet they were 'given' taken away and replaced with something more age appropriate (and cheaper!).  Heck even speak to the kids' parents directly, explain that you realize the girls like them, but they are not sized properly and are not appropriate for the age, offer to replace with suitable replacements, go from there.  I would not take an $80 snub like that.  Tell the parents that you want the bracelets back so you can replace them with the "Specific" ones and then simply return them and don't buy anything else for that girl.  At 26 she should know better.

[rose red]

I'm from a culture who gives admired things away and I am horrified.  And even though we give things away, we don't give away gifts given to us.  That's an insult and a rejection to the giver.

[Venus193]

You know, I was really glad to see you express that you were angry, several times, in your OP.
You /should/ be. Angry enough to draw your conclusions.
Next time, no gift. Or something from the dollar store!

I like that.  It sends a message.

[afbluebelle]

Yep. Deliberate... she is an Aaron Tippin country boy level of tool box 



And I'm hitting up the after-Christmas sales for my helicopter this year Just have to keep it away from the kiddo 

[Venus193]

I would ask your boyfriend to speak to his  parents and request that they intercede to get the bracelets back.  $80 is a lot of money.  If the problem is that the girls would be upset -they are young enough that this will not be a lasting scar on their psyches to have a bracelet they were 'given' taken away and replaced with something more age appropriate (and cheaper!).  Heck even speak to the kids' parents directly, explain that you realize the girls like them, but they are not sized properly and are not appropriate for the age, offer to replace with suitable replacements, go from there.  I would not take an $80 snub like that.  Tell the parents that you want the bracelets back so you can replace them with the "Specific" ones and then simply return them and don't buy anything else for that girl.  At 26 she should know better.

Brilliant.

I wouldn't take this either.  No amount of money should be wasted on an entitled ingrate like that 26-year-old spoiled brat.

[Otterpop]

I would ask your boyfriend to speak to his  parents and request that they intercede to get the bracelets back.  $80 is a lot of money.  If the problem is that the girls would be upset -they are young enough that this will not be a lasting scar on their psyches to have a bracelet they were 'given' taken away and replaced with something more age appropriate (and cheaper!).  Heck even speak to the kids' parents directly, explain that you realize the girls like them, but they are not sized properly and are not appropriate for the age, offer to replace with suitable replacements, go from there.  I would not take an $80 snub like that.  Tell the parents that you want the bracelets back so you can replace them with the "Specific" ones and then simply return them and don't buy anything else for that girl.  At 26 she should know better.

I agree with this totally.  Not only are you NOT crazy or overreacting, the offense is so bad it will affect your relations with her in the future.  I would ask your fiance to intervene, or her parents.  If she didn't want the bracelets she could have given them back for you to reclaim your money.  Or, she could have exchanged them for the ones she did want.  But to give them to toddlers in front of you was a gesture of great disrespect.  (BTW if you don't give her a gift in the future, she will be sure to make an issue of that as well - so you are better off dealing with this now).

[Morticia]

I really don't think it's okay to ask for them back. There are etiquette rules about that.  I think, though, that instead of looking at it as being out $80, you spent money you were willing to spend in the first place, and the investment has paid off so well that you never have to buy her a present again. It's like the gift that keeps on giving.

[KenveeB]

I really don't think it's okay to ask for them back. There are etiquette rules about that.  I think, though, that instead of looking at it as being out $80, you spent money you were willing to spend in the first place, and the investment has paid off so well that you never have to buy her a present again. It's like the gift that keeps on giving.

I agree, I don't think it's appropriate to ask for the bracelets back. They were given to SIL, and she had the right to do with them what she wanted. What she chose was incredibly insensitive, rude, and IMO a deliberate slight. But she still had the right to do it, and the bracelets belong to the little girls now. I wholeheartedly agree with no more presents for SIL, though! She wouldn't get so much as a card from me.

[Hmmmmm]

I'm equally as stunned that the parents of those 2 little girls let them take the bracelets.  That's too young of an age to have jewelry like that, and just downright inappropriate to take the bracelets even if they were offered. One of the parents should have said "Oh no, the girls are too young to wear those. Besides, you just got them as a gift.  It's not appropriate to pass them to the girls right now."  Seriously, the fact that no one in the family stood up to this and pointed out how wrong it was really floors me.  I hope you don't overextend yourself for any of these people until or unless they do the same for you.  Odds are you'll get similar treatment for your thoughtfulness.

This! No way would I let my 2 1/2 year old keep a $40 bracelet from someone, especially if it was a present they had just be given by someone who was standing there!

I wouldn't be giving sister a present again

I completely agree with this.  I don't know what your relationship has been like with your DBFs family in the past, but this would put a complete damper on any future relationship with this sister and the parents of the two girls. 

[Shoo]

I would be expecting BF to have a "come to diety" talk with his sister or he'd be an XBF.  That's inexcusable of her and it would be inexcusable of him to let her get away with it.

I agree with this 100%.  He'd get an ultimatum from me, for sure.  You put her in her place or you're gone.  Period.

[bopper]

All I have to say is that if that is the way his sister acts and he didn't really see what the problem is, then he may not stand up for you to his family. Be very careful.

[Shoo]

All I have to say is that if that is the way his sister acts and he didn't really see what the problem is, then he may not stand up for you to his family. Be very careful.

Seriously.  This guy does not have your back.

[QuiltLady]

Thanks all.

For what it's worth DBF was very sympathetic and took my side but basically was like "ooohh sister just loves those kids so much."

What she did was a very deliberate and direct snub to you.  It had nothing to do with loving the kids, IMO.  Her words were proof enough and for your DBF to minimize your feelings, and excuse her behavior, isn't any better.