My mom was upset about a number of things in addition to me not going to the shower. The reason the not going to the shower upset her is because my parents were already not thrilled about giving me permission to go to the cruise (or rather their blessing, because even my mom acknowledged when I pointed it out that I could hide these things from them both, but don't because I don't like lying to them) for a number of reasons.
They don't like it when I want to do things without family that they consider to be reserved for "when you are married." These "things" includes vacations. It upsets them that I'd want to go on a trip with a friend rather than arrange one with them, but the reality is that it almost never happens with them and if it does happen, we don't enjoy the same things, and inevitably start to fight - not very relaxing. They also don't like that I am going with a non-Muslim, non-Indian friend since I don't have close friends of that sort, just a few acquaintances that I see a few times a year. Their initial reaction upon being told was almost exactly, No - you barely spend any time with Muslim people and now you want to go on a cruise with your school friend? They are right in that I haven't made an effort to make close friends in the communities around where I've been going to school, but honestly, I didn't think I'd be spending more than a few years in any of those places and wanted to concentrate on making friends at school where I'd need contacts and study buddies and fit in better rather than being socially centered outside of school.
The cruise preventing me from going to my cousin's shower (and my parent interpret this invitation as this lovely gesture on her part, and how nice she was to ask me to contrast to my ungraciousness) just adds insult to injury as they also feel that I don't make enough of an effort to be close to our relatives. Completely ignoring of course, the reality that some of these relatives make no effort either and if truth be told, they'd rather it was my sister who was close enough to make the 6-7 hour drive to attend.
They were upset that I hadn't called her about the baby before this invitation and blame me for her not contacting me at Thanksgiving and in the meantime saying, "if you would show more of an interest by emailing to say hi or texting or whatever, she would make an effort to keep in touch with you. She probably thinks you don't care what's happening in her life since you didn't call." Kinda hard to argue with, but my stubborn side still thinks that it is unfair to completely dismiss whatever other people do that wasn't quite right and only focus on what I've done wrong.
Anyways, I'm not upset with my Cousin anymore and haven't been for quite a while, though I admit I was upset in November. I think the argument had legs mostly because my parents can't conceive that something may not be entirely my fault, and I always get upset that they won't take my side on anything - and I mean anything. I always seem to get the short end of the stick of the "be a bigger person" maxim.
