Author Topic: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned # 45 update #61 and #121  (Read 29203 times)

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Sophia

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"I will put forth the same effort into assisting you as you put into addressing my concerns with Bully."

I'm so sorry, POF.  I've read through this thread and stories like this are a kick in the gut.  You sound like a brilliant volunteer and I'm sorry you had to endure such shoddy treatment from the organization.  Take care of yourself!

I like this.

weeblewobble

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"I will put forth the same effort into assisting you as you put into addressing my concerns with Bully."

I'm so sorry, POF.  I've read through this thread and stories like this are a kick in the gut.  You sound like a brilliant volunteer and I'm sorry you had to endure such shoddy treatment from the organization.  Take care of yourself!

Yup.  This made me smile.  I don't know if it would work out, but I like it.

EMuir

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I am so glad you are taking care of yourself.  I volunteer for an organization that is the only one of its type in my city, and I've had to deal with my share of the crazy folk.  I had to set out for myself what would be my "line in the sand" for quitting, and luckily they've never crossed it. It keeps me sane to know I can quit when I really need to. 

I hope you can find another organization that is not so crazymaking!

Queen of Clubs

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I sent all the data over last night and said that's it, I believe I tied up all my loose ends.  Get a message back from my supposed friend the chairman of the committee... Oh this is sooooo complicated ( why yes it is ) ... and even if you are not helping out, I am sure you will come and walk me all through this in 10 months time.

I want to respond very rudely, but in this case the silence will be deafening.  I am being used.  Really, I get bullied out, no response from the board - but I am going to help you figure it all out next year. I am really not that desperate for friends and especially this kind of falsity.

Its called consequences people .

I wonder if it would be better to respond now with a quick, "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

1) It prevents the organization from being left in the lurch next year.

2) It doesn't allow the board to stay in denial and pretend that there will be no consequences from your leaving or for allowing Dee to continue to behave as she does.

3) It prevents you from being sucked back in to helping them next year, when you may have had time to calm down and your (totally appropriate and deserved) indignation gives way to missing the work you did for the organization and being willing to help. 

Let them feel the consequences now, before they can paint it with a big denial-ly brush of their choosing.

I agree with weeblewobble.  That way, they can't come back to you in 10 months' time and protest "but you said you'd help out!"  I know you haven't said you will help them, POF, but that I am sure you will come and walk me all through this in 10 months time means they're going to think you've agreed unless you actually tell them "no, I won't".

I'd be tempted to reply "I'm sure Dee can sort it all out for you."

I hope you find an organisation that will appreciate you and your abilities, POF.  I think everyone would agree this organisation doesn't.

Stormtreader

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"Given the terms on which I've been forced to leave I dont feel that any further assistance to [charity] from me is appropriate"

Sheila Take a Bow

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I wonder if it would be better to respond now with a quick, "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

1) It prevents the organization from being left in the lurch next year.

2) It doesn't allow the board to stay in denial and pretend that there will be no consequences from your leaving or for allowing Dee to continue to behave as she does.

3) It prevents you from being sucked back in to helping them next year, when you may have had time to calm down and your (totally appropriate and deserved) indignation gives way to missing the work you did for the organization and being willing to help. 

Let them feel the consequences now, before they can paint it with a big denial-ly brush of their choosing.

I agree. I think you should let them know now that you've washed your hands of the organization.  Don't let yourself get dragged into an argument, just make sure that you explicitly tell them that you aren't helping them in the future.

Remind your "friend" that you have resigned, and that means that you are no longer available to assist with any of the organization's business.

Bijou

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I would want to close that last door (the one pried open by the board member who thinks you will come back to help them in ten months).  I would simply say, "You need to address your questions now and in ten months to someone within the organization."
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

doodlemor

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I'm on the fence about contacting them again right now.  I suspect that they will be after you in 10 months whether you contact them now or not.

I think that you should practice for next October saying lightly, without obvious snark, something like.........

"I'm afraid that will not be possible.  But you'll be fine.  Much of that unpleasantness from last year was because Dee wanted me to change midstream, and do the task her way.  This will give her a chance to start at the beginning and have things the way that she wants them to be."

POF

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I sent an email out that said given what happened its best for me to make a clean break. I also mentioned that by coming back to help I would be condoning my own mistreatment and that I would be setting a very poor example to my sons. I would in essence say that I accepted this mistreatment and did not have the guts to stand up for myself.

I am sure my "friend" will not be a friend anymore, but I do not care.  ( My Dh sort of thinks she is a user anyway )

I deleted all the emails today and I will archive off the data files.  ( I can't bring myself to actually delete them ... yet ..... just a Finance IT thing. )

I am not letting anyone off the hook or making it easy for anyone.

jedikaiti

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"I will put forth the same effort into assisting you as you put into addressing my concerns with Bully."

I'm so sorry, POF.  I've read through this thread and stories like this are a kick in the gut.  You sound like a brilliant volunteer and I'm sorry you had to endure such shoddy treatment from the organization.  Take care of yourself!

Yup.  This made me smile.  I don't know if it would work out, but I like it.

Likewise. That might be a smidge PA, though, so perhaps "I am afraid I cannot guarantee my availability so far out, as I plan to begin volunteering for another group as soon as possible."
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

doodlemor

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..... just a Finance IT thing. )
 

Does this non-profit make enough that they have to file the non-profit income tax form?  If so, they will need some expertise before May 15.

Sheila Take a Bow

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I sent an email out that said given what happened its best for me to make a clean break. I also mentioned that by coming back to help I would be condoning my own mistreatment and that I would be setting a very poor example to my sons. I would in essence say that I accepted this mistreatment and did not have the guts to stand up for myself.

I am sure my "friend" will not be a friend anymore, but I do not care.  ( My Dh sort of thinks she is a user anyway )

I deleted all the emails today and I will archive off the data files.  ( I can't bring myself to actually delete them ... yet ..... just a Finance IT thing. )

I am not letting anyone off the hook or making it easy for anyone.

I think this is a great update.

I'm sure you'll find another organization that will value all the work you do.

guihong

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I sent an email out that said given what happened its best for me to make a clean break. I also mentioned that by coming back to help I would be condoning my own mistreatment and that I would be setting a very poor example to my sons. I would in essence say that I accepted this mistreatment and did not have the guts to stand up for myself.

I am sure my "friend" will not be a friend anymore, but I do not care.  ( My Dh sort of thinks she is a user anyway )

I deleted all the emails today and I will archive off the data files.  ( I can't bring myself to actually delete them ... yet ..... just a Finance IT thing. )

I am not letting anyone off the hook or making it easy for anyone.

POF, I think you were the poster who spent (still spending?) a year with a trainer, strengthening your body?  I think you strengthened your spine as well.  You're an asset to any organization, volunteer or paid, and I'm sorry that these chumps couldn't see that.



bopper

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Quote
I sent all the data over last night and said that's it, I believe I tied up all my loose ends.  Get a message back from my supposed friend the chairman of the committee... Oh this is sooooo complicated ( why yes it is ) ... and even if you are not helping out, I am sure you will come and walk me all through this in 10 months time.


Chairman,

It was apparent to me that you all valued Dee's input on the databases over my expertise when no one on the board publically supported me when she was verbally attacking me.  In that light, I will no longer be available for technical consulting.

Marisol

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They would have been much smarter to apologize if they expect to ask more from you over the next year.  If they wanted your help in adjusting to being without you, they should have made some kind of acknowledgment.