Author Topic: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned # 45 update #61 and #121  (Read 30381 times)

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POF

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone and was rude to them
« Reply #45 on: December 01, 2012, 06:20:00 PM »
Well - here;s the update. I have tried and tried to manage the relationship with Dee.  I am helping another person with a project. Lisa and I are the leads and we report ot the planning committee.  ( I am on the planning committee ) .  Dee has a role which intersects with ours. Dee has been at me for the last three days over nonsense.  I am not doing things correctly ... blah blah blah. A lot of what we do is very subjective. We are preparing XMAS baskets / gifts. What you might choose to put in a gift may be different than what I choose - but as long as we are within the parameters ( broad one ) - we are fine.

Dee started with me again today and finally - came in , yelled at me .. and proceeded to act in a really uncool way.  I was asking for clarification on something and she said I TOLD YOU THIS 3 TIMES ALREADY AND put her hand in my face.

I packed up my stuff, resigned from the organization and went home.  I don't need it.  It's been a pattern of behavior and other high ranking officers try to smooth it out.  I left in a professional way. I am very well liked by the other volunteers and I just said...   oh .. something unexpected came up, bye.  My eyes were red because I had been crying - due to stress / frustration and being told off like that.

So - I spoke with the president and committee, I sent a fromal letter of resignation which entailed the behaviors that were problematic for me.  One other volunteer witnessed it and was horrified.

My husband and I contribute substantial dollars to the XMAS project, fundraiser but not this year. My husband also takes on a some time consuming work for the organiziation and he will not be participating either.

The board is aware of and by their lack of action is condoning the bullying behavior.  I am just done.  Now - I am going to organize all my data files and everything and write up a process manual so that my predecessor won't have to start from scratch .

I've been crying on and off for the last couple of hours. I have put a lot of my life into the goals of the group. I was on the board at one time, but due to a health issue came off.  I am constantly invited to return.  But - its volunteer work - I do it for fun...... 

I did handle it very professionally today. Thanks everyone.

LeveeWoman

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #46 on: December 01, 2012, 06:39:21 PM »
(((((POF)))))

I'm so very sorry.

I'mnotinsane

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #47 on: December 01, 2012, 06:39:43 PM »
It is a shame you felt the need to quit but at least you went out on a high note.  That will leave you the option of returning if the situation improves and you are still willing.

((((POF))))

Isisnin

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #48 on: December 01, 2012, 06:45:02 PM »
(((POF))) !!!

I'm so sorry to hear that she put you through that. You handled it very well and admirably.  Particularly sending the board a letter detailing the problematic behaviors.  I hope they finally figure out a way to handle Dee so the group doesn't continue to suffer.

and please now try to relax and take care of yourself.   

yokozbornak

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #49 on: December 01, 2012, 06:54:42 PM »
That's just terrible, POF!  I don't blame you for walking out.  The organization will continue to lose good people as long as they choose to allow Dee to act that way.

EmmaJ.

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #50 on: December 01, 2012, 07:24:41 PM »
Oh no, I cannot believe her behavior.  What an utter boor.  I hope the organization comes to its senses and ousts HER and begs you to return.

Does/did she ever actually do any productive work?  Good grief.

Big hugs to you.

BarensMom

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #51 on: December 01, 2012, 08:46:17 PM »
What did the president and committee say when you told them you were resigning because of Dee's behavior?

What horrid behavior on the part of someone who should know better.  You're better off out of there.  Oh, yes, big hugs and Baren kisses to you.

doodlemor

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #52 on: December 01, 2012, 09:11:53 PM »
I'm so relieved for you, POF.  You don't need all of the extra stress caused by difficult people at a volunteer job.  Perhaps you can have a more relaxed Christmas now.  Big wassail filled hugs to you!

I think that what you did is actually to the long term benefit of the organization.  They will be losing quality volunteers unless the Dees and Circus Monkeys are shut down.  Someone needs to have the authority, integrity, and the pair to do this.

I suspect that they will want you back.  If you decide to go back I think that you should have strict conditions both in your specific situations, and in the fact that this kind of thing needs to be addressed in the bylaws.

cheyne

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #53 on: December 01, 2012, 09:43:41 PM »
((POF))

You and your DH have given your time, talent and treasure to an organization.  I applaud you for what you have done.  Take some time to "grieve" your loss, and then you can look around and see if there is another organization that you would be willing to volunteer for.  There are so many out there that can use a hand.

There is a problem in some charities where the board or people in charge don't want to confront a troublemaker.  Sometimes it takes good people leaving to make them aware that this is a huge issue.  A charity is like the rest of life, normal people are expected to "let things go" or "be the bigger person" so the powers-that-be don't have to do anything about the troublemaker/bully

weeblewobble

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #54 on: December 01, 2012, 10:14:32 PM »
I don't blame you for resigning.  I'm sorry your efforts were rewarded with hostility combined with apathy.  Perhaps the board will understand now that they can't just shrug helplessly in the face of Dee's bad behavior and do nothing so they can avoid confrontation.

POF

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #55 on: December 01, 2012, 10:44:31 PM »
Thank you so much.

I feel such a wide range of emotions, I do grieve the loss - I've been very friendly with a lot of the other volunteers - usually within the context of the organization and I did not say goodbye to them.  I also love the work we do - and the XMAS project is the big drive and I look forward to it every year.

I also feel angry, that this happened this afternoon, I left in tears ( I am NOT a crier )and I sent in a resignation email.  No one even responded to the email about sorry, we will miss you, even we understand etc.  NOT a PEEP.  They probably want to digest it - but I've worked with these people a long time, a simple acknowledgement would have been nice.

And I feel relief.  its changed so much with Circus Monkey and Dee over the last several years, that it was more of a problem than it was worth.  I gladly sacrificed a lot of time during XMAS to help our clients.  Right now I am looking at a whole in my life .. but I will find ways to fill it fast.

DH has been wonderful, he knows what it meant to me and he saw me stress out this year and then cry today. So I will take the time to spend with him and the boys and do more at church.

Itsd an opportunity to look for another volunteer organization.  Community Service is important to me. I have a lot to offer and i am sure that my efforts would be appreciated by another non profit.

I feel guilty becasue I did leave them in a lurch. But that is their own fault for not dealing with situations. I also have to admit, that maybe they thought I was more trouble than I was worth. 

But what's done is done and I left in a professional way.  Even if they beg me to come back - I won't while the circus monkey and Dee are around.

gramma dishes

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #56 on: December 01, 2012, 10:56:13 PM »
...    I sent in a resignation email.  No one even responded to the email about sorry, we will miss you, even we understand etc.  NOT a PEEP.  ...

I'm sure that your sudden resignation took them quite by surprise and they really may have been scrambling trying to digest exactly what had just taken place and agonizing over how to handle it.  I would be very surprised if you don't hear something from them soon.  It may not be exactly what you'd like most to hear, but I think they will express at least some degree of concern and sadness that they've lost you.

I think maybe you gave them the kick in the rear end they needed to realize that the behavior of certain people does indeed have consequences.   You've stuck with them all these years, despite the harassment, so I think they just assumed you'd stick around forever.  You surprised them.

You DO have a lot to offer.  I'd start looking for a different organization that will be a little more appreciative of your many hours of effort.  Someplace else deserves you.  This place did not.

Isisnin

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #57 on: December 01, 2012, 11:06:30 PM »
......

I also feel angry, that this happened this afternoon, I left in tears ( I am NOT a crier )and I sent in a resignation email.  No one even responded to the email about sorry, we will miss you, even we understand etc.  NOT a PEEP.  They probably want to digest it - but I've worked with these people a long time, a simple acknowledgement would have been nice.

.....  Right now I am looking at a whole in my life .. but I will find ways to fill it fast.

DH has been wonderful, he knows what it meant to me and he saw me stress out this year and then cry today. So I will take the time to spend with him and the boys and do more at church.

Itsd an opportunity to look for another volunteer organization.  Community Service is important to me. I have a lot to offer and i am sure that my efforts would be appreciated by another non profit.

I feel guilty becasue I did leave them in a lurch. But that is their own fault for not dealing with situations. I also have to admit, that maybe they thought I was more trouble than I was worth. 

But what's done is done and I left in a professional way.  Even if they beg me to come back - I won't while the circus monkey and Dee are around.

Perhaps they haven't responded yet as they're in shock.  And they are probably embarrassed that their actions, or non-actions, led to losing you. 

enjoy your family and the holidays.  Plenty of time next year to lend your talent to a new-to-you non-profit!!

Bijou

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #58 on: December 01, 2012, 11:13:57 PM »
POF,
You tried to resolve the issue but met with no help at all.  I don't blame you for resigning and hope they listen, finally, to what you were trying to tell them about the problems there.  What a shame and a loss for them.  Maybe this Dee...no, all of them... will take a good look at themselves and evaluate their part in the loss of a valuable team member.  (Two, counting your husband).
« Last Edit: December 01, 2012, 11:15:33 PM by Bijou »
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

doodlemor

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #59 on: December 01, 2012, 11:23:17 PM »
I think that the board is probably in shock, and I bet that the emails/phone calls are flowing fast and furiously tonight.  It wouldn't surprise me at all if they have to call a special meeting to deal with the situation.

I suspect that the board members are extremely upset about losing you, and want to consider any response to you very carefully.  The last thing they probably want at this stage is to make matters any worse.

You need to think of yourself here.   You have gone out of your way to deal with some very difficult people.  No one needs that in a volunteer job.