Author Topic: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned # 45 update #61 and #121  (Read 28300 times)

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MyFamily

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #60 on: December 01, 2012, 11:44:32 PM »
Speaking as a board member who was on a board that got an email like yours, but with very different circumstances (I've mentioned my situation where one person ran everything, and basically, she quit when she didn't get something very specific she wanted, but which the board felt was not in the best interest of the organization in the long-run), the board is going nuts right now.  Emails and phone calls are flying, and they are busy trying to figure out who will speak to you and what to say; who will speak to Dee and what to say; and yes, they are trying to figure out how to replace you because they know you may be gone and they still have a major project to deal with.  There are going to be some angry board members - you left, for good reason, but at a bad time, and they will be upset about that, so the emails are going to be flying.  If you don't hear from them in about a week, just wash your hands of them and walk away knowing you are better without them in your life.  I do think you'd be correct in contacting your friends and letting them know you've resigned from the organization, but would still like to be friends with them.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

POF

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Re: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned update # 45
« Reply #61 on: December 02, 2012, 05:01:40 PM »
Small update ...

I sent an email to a board member I am friendly with. She knew nothing about it.... so my issue is not going to be addressed to the board.

I heard from one of the committee members - and she thanked me for my service and is sorry I am leaving. I
I only heard from the chair of the XMAS project when she needed to ask a question about the work I left and then she expressed sorrow that I had decided to leave.
My responses were polite but formal. I pointed out that  Idid not choose to leave but that I believed I was pushed out by targeted bullying from a board member.   I told them I was very grieved and it was difficult to explain to my 2 teens why they would not be helping with the Santa project this year. 

So - my assumption is that there are no consequences for the board member and I do not think I will hear anything else from them. 

I wanted two things.  A thank you from the president , and an apology from the president recognizing the bad treatment and acknowledging that it should not have happened.

My DH is really angry that no one got back to me - and only the chair when she wanted something.

It hurt to be treated this way.  But for me it is a good lesson to have gone through. 

So - instead if putting in crazy volunteer hours, I am decorating, baking cookies and doing some extra gym time.  I went XMAS shopping with DH and made beef tips and gravy and applesauce for dinner.

A door slammed shut, but I'll find something else to do.

POF

THANK ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND SUPPORT. I am sure that I was to blame in part for the fracas. I ask questions, I do not accept authority blindly. I take suggestions, but Dee was not in charge of my area - so I felt free to question her - not in an insubordinate way, but hey .... we are not putting pink puppies on all the baskets - did that change  ( especially when what she was telling me was completely different than what we had agreed to in the planning meetings )

Hopefully, I can let just be doen with it.

POF


EmmaJ.

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I am so disappointed in the board, their inaction on losing a valuable volunteer, their lack of direction, communication, and management.

More big hugs coming your way - I am so sorry you were treated this way.  But your resolve to find another cause to volunteer with is so admirable.  What a good example you are for your children.

JenJay

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I'm sorry that it played out the way it did. I can't help but think, though, that you've probably ultimately saved yourself a lot of stress and frustration. At least now you've got the next few weeks to enjoy your own holiday preparation.  :-\

MyFamily

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Wow, that is just not nice.  I'm sorry that the board is led by someone who is easily controlled by her.  I hope the organization can survive Dee.  I wonder if others will follow you?


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

yokozbornak

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I think you will eventually be relieved to be away from such a toxic organization.  I believe that volunteer work should be a blessing, not a burden.  The bullying that you endured and the dysfunctional board has made this a burden for you.  There will be other opportunities to serve where you will be treated with respect so wait for that opportunity to show itself.

Also, don't feel like you have to answer work related questions.  If someone calls to ask you how something needs to be done, I would tell them that you are no longer volunteering  and that they should refer their questions to someone else.  I don't say that to be harsh, but the board members need to feel the consequences of their actions and if you continue to help, they will not get the full effect of what they have done.  Also, I think it's okay to be direct about why you are no longer volunteering. 

POF

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Great points   i only answered a question about where the back up flash drive was and the status of a few open items  i am boxing up all the stuff i have at my house and will drop off tomorrow  I said to my busband the same thing sbout consewuences  If they feel no pain  why would they change

SoCalVal

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Great points   i only answered a question about where the back up flash drive was and the status of a few open items  i am boxing up all the stuff i have at my house and will drop off tomorrow  I said to my busband the same thing sbout consewuences  If they feel no pain  why would they change

I have to admit that when you posted you were going to put something together for your successor, I thought, "Please don't; they should really feel what happens when they let bullies go unchecked." (or did I just mix this up with another thread?)



weeblewobble

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Great points   i only answered a question about where the back up flash drive was and the status of a few open items  i am boxing up all the stuff i have at my house and will drop off tomorrow  I said to my busband the same thing sbout consewuences  If they feel no pain  why would they change

I have to admit that when you posted you were going to put something together for your successor, I thought, "Please don't; they should really feel what happens when they let bullies go unchecked." (or did I just mix this up with another thread?)

I do agree with this.  It's like enabling.  The board is addicted to passively accepting Dee's bullying behavior and in denial as to whether that behavior affects the organization. As long as people work to cushion them from the fall/aftermath of Dee's behavior, they won't recognize how bad it is and that it reflects badly on the organization.

I am sorry the response has been so bland.  I am hoping that the board just hasn't had time to talk to each other and get their plan together.

BarensMom

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Great points   i only answered a question about where the back up flash drive was and the status of a few open items  i am boxing up all the stuff i have at my house and will drop off tomorrow  I said to my busband the same thing sbout consewuences  If they feel no pain  why would they change

I have to admit that when you posted you were going to put something together for your successor, I thought, "Please don't; they should really feel what happens when they let bullies go unchecked." (or did I just mix this up with another thread?)

I do agree with this.  It's like enabling.  The board is addicted to passively accepting Dee's bullying behavior and in denial as to whether that behavior affects the organization. As long as people work to cushion them from the fall/aftermath of Dee's behavior, they won't recognize how bad it is and that it reflects badly on the organization.

I am sorry the response has been so bland.  I am hoping that the board just hasn't had time to talk to each other and get their plan together.

Jumping on board with this.  Return only the items that belong to the organization.  Do not give them any of your notes, supplies, manuals, or anything purchased with your own money or effort.

I envision the next volunteer assigned to deal with the database will leave also.  In fact,  I think there will be an ant trail of volunteers leaving, as Dee will probably bully anyone assigned to that database.

I would also use my social contacts to spread the word that this charity allows bullying and harassment of its volunteers.  Since they let Dee get away with it, the board and the charity are just as guilty.  Think of it as a public service.

POF

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They lost significant dollars this week as well.  DH and I typically donate $1,000 at the annual fundraiser.   

I had my work and a few business colleagues ready to sponsor about $1,500

DH's work matches our contribution - $1,000

I work tirelessly to manage contacts and raise funds.

I have advised all of these organizations and colleagues to direct their giving to a local shelter for battered women and children.

DH and I are the type people that we will see a need and fill it.... They needed a vacuum. We found someone willing to give us the old one and we payed to have it overhauled ( becasue the board would have spent 6 weeks arguing about it and then complaining ).  I need offcie supplies - I just buy them myself.  We snagged free shelving and office furniture from a store that was remodeling ( talked to the store manager first ! ). 

Dee talks a big show, but does little practical work. So yeah ..... there will be consequences.

After XMAS .... I am loading off the database

I spoke to a good friend who is on the board and she did say there were a lot of emails and conversations. The incident was WITNESSED by the way. But  the problem is that the organization is so unorganized and badly run.... ( everyone is a chief and thinks they get to say how EVERYTHING works ) ... that I am doen with it even if they kick Dee off and beg me to come back.  I told them repeatedly of the issue and they knew about it. 

Here's to a drama free holiday season

Winterlight

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I'm nthing the others. Don't make up a manual for the next person. The board allowed you to be forced out- you owe them nothing, certainly not extra time and effort.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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POF

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Yep - DH persuaded me not to do that.  I know it will cause issues for a friend of mine, but she will need to deal with it ti the best of her ability.

Eden

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That stinks, POF. I'm so sorry you were driven to leave.

sourwolf

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What a crummy situation.  I agree with everyone else, they deserve nothing but what they gave you to work with.  Hand that back and nothing more.