I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned # 45 update #61 and #121

[Otterpop]

Sorry you had this experience POF.  It sounds like what was once a healthy, vibrant committee has now been commandeered by a diva, bully, parasite.  These types of people latch onto a good organization and ruin it with their self-centered power grabs.  Happens all too often and if not dealt with, the wheels eventually come off. 

You did the right thing by pulling out and pulling your support as well.  I'll bet they feel it, but don't know what to say.  (You were valued but the atmosphere has gone screwy).  Their loss, I suspect there will be more losses soon.  The diva never stops, just latches onto the next person to chase away.

[Bijou]

I think you will eventually be relieved to be away from such a toxic organization.  I believe that volunteer work should be a blessing, not a burden.  The bullying that you endured and the dysfunctional board has made this a burden for you.  There will be other opportunities to serve where you will be treated with respect so wait for that opportunity to show itself.

Also, don't feel like you have to answer work related questions.  If someone calls to ask you how something needs to be done, I would tell them that you are no longer volunteering  and that they should refer their questions to someone else.  I don't say that to be harsh, but the board members need to feel the consequences of their actions and if you continue to help, they will not get the full effect of what they have done.  Also, I think it's okay to be direct about why you are no longer volunteering.

And quite honestly, the powers that be in that organization may want it done differently than the OP had been doing it.  Not to say she was doing it wrong, but procedures do change.  On that basis alone I would not answer questions.  I would say. "I am no longer volunteering in that capacity and you need to direct your question to someone within the organization." 

[bopper]

Yep - DH persuaded me not to do that.  I know it will cause issues for a friend of mine, but she will need to deal with it ti the best of her ability.

Evilbopper says to tell them: "Ask Dee. She seems to know everything about databases."


Also this seems like the third post I have seen recently about how to deal with toxic bullying group members.  It seems like it takes multiple people to stand up to the bully/narcissist to be effective. 

[doodlemor]

Evilbopper says to tell them: "Ask Dee. She seems to know everything about databases."

My thoughts exactly.  Perhaps Circus Monkey could give an opinion also - I bet that she would be delighted to do so.

I'm glad that you sound a bit brighter about the whole situation today, POF.  These people are beyond ridiculous.  You have been put through the wringer because of your kind heart. 

I think that you should relax and enjoy this Christmas.   In the new year you can look around very carefully before you get involved in your next volunteer gig.

[POF]

Yes I am planning to enjoy myself I took today off as a personal day and I decorated the house, made cookies and did some XMAS shopping.

I was really sad - shocked mostly, the hatred and venom this women spewed out at me was really crazy. This had nothing to do with the databases, it was about some other aspect of the project.

RE the database work. When I started volunteering - I kept my technical background under wraps - I was volunteering ro do fun stuff: run fundraisers, ,make food baskets, etc.  However they got something so messed up with their computer system it would  have taken $$$$ to fix - so I offered to fix it.

The database work I do now annually is no fun, it involves updating a database with close to 2,000 records utilizing volunteers and creating mailing lists, shopping lists etc.  The work is way below what I do professionally ( definitely within my skill set though ) - but it isn't fun.  No one else will touch it and I am always asked every year to manage this part.  Service is not always about the fun stuff, at some point somone has to do grunt work .... so I did it.

I would be more than happy to give it up and I am very happy now.  I had a very nice, fun group of volunteers who helped me do the scut work from  a grandma ,a disabled gentleman and a couple hip 25 year old we had a lot of fun and laughs and always got the work done.

I offered to help another volunteer lead because her section involved some PC work and she had a lot on her plate personally  she and I get along really well and she was happy I was helping her.  Dee semed to just target in on me for whatever reason. 

But - THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING... IT HELPS ME PROCESS. 

I am polite but formal / cold to the leadership, I am not helping them out - it needs to be painful.  And of course ... Dee and Circus Monkey know EVERYTHING and should be able to figure it out.

So - All things happen for a reason, I have really looked at my conduct to see if I was at fault or provoked it ..... but I do not honestly think I did.  Even if the powers that be wanted me to work on something else or wanted me to go sweep up trash - there is a way to redirect volunteers.  I've had to do it ... you say Sally .... you are so good at sorting pink and blue ponies, would you be willing to do that this year and let Jane answer phones ? and you go from there.

Hopefully drama has ended ... I run the risk of being a drama llama for XMAS.

My cookies are done ... they are M & M 's - you may each have one before dinner 

[Isisnin]

M&M cookies my favorites!  Yummers!!  How did you know??

Happy, Happy Holidays, POF!

[boxy]

I'm glad you took a stand and quit.  No one should abuse you like that!  May you have a peaceful and meaningful Christmas. 

[POF]

I sent all the data over last night and said that's it, I believe I tied up all my loose ends.  Get a message back from my supposed friend the chairman of the committee... Oh this is sooooo complicated ( why yes it is ) ... and even if you are not helping out, I am sure you will come and walk me all through this in 10 months time.

I want to respond very rudely, but in this case the silence will be deafening.  I am being used.  Really, I get bullied out, no response from the board - but I am going to help you figure it all out next year. I am really not that desperate for friends and especially this kind of falsity.

Its called consequences people .

[Miss Unleaded]

Wow, that's some nerve.   

I am sorry it turned out this way, but I do commend you for holding firm and not giving in.  I agree with PPs, they need to feel the consequences of their inaction.

[JenJay]

When the time comes it'll be the "I'm sorry, that won't be possible." heard 'round the world! 

[Outdoor Girl]

I'd be tempted to reply with something along the lines of:  'In 10 months time, I expect to be volunteering with an organization that better appreciates what I can offer them.  I will not be available to your organization.  Please do not contact me again.  Best of luck.'  Keeping the  to yourself, of course.   

[MrTango]

POF, now that you've sent a resignation letter communicating that you are leaving and why, I think your silent approach is best.  I wouldn't respond to any further messages from anyone at the organization.

If you start to feel too guilty about deleting their messages, you might consider marking them as spam and let the filters in your email software take care of the messages for you.

[weeblewobble]

I sent all the data over last night and said that's it, I believe I tied up all my loose ends.  Get a message back from my supposed friend the chairman of the committee... Oh this is sooooo complicated ( why yes it is ) ... and even if you are not helping out, I am sure you will come and walk me all through this in 10 months time.

I want to respond very rudely, but in this case the silence will be deafening.  I am being used.  Really, I get bullied out, no response from the board - but I am going to help you figure it all out next year. I am really not that desperate for friends and especially this kind of falsity.

Its called consequences people .

I wonder if it would be better to respond now with a quick, "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

1) It prevents the organization from being left in the lurch next year.

2) It doesn't allow the board to stay in denial and pretend that there will be no consequences from your leaving or for allowing Dee to continue to behave as she does.

3) It prevents you from being sucked back in to helping them next year, when you may have had time to calm down and your (totally appropriate and deserved) indignation gives way to missing the work you did for the organization and being willing to help. 

Let them feel the consequences now, before they can paint it with a big denial-ly brush of their choosing.

[BarensMom]

I would reply to that person, "I will not be available for further assistance.  I am moving on and am finished with (Charity)."

[Tabby Uprising]

"I will put forth the same effort into assisting you as you put into addressing my concerns with Bully."

I'm so sorry, POF.  I've read through this thread and stories like this are a kick in the gut.  You sound like a brilliant volunteer and I'm sorry you had to endure such shoddy treatment from the organization.  Take care of yourself!