Author Topic: I am confessing I snapped at someone - I resigned # 45 update #61 and #121  (Read 30362 times)

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Deetee

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I think (but please correct me) that if the Chairman and others had contacted you and thanked you for all your previous hard work and acknowledged your leaving and apologized for how you were treated, you would have been more receptive to easing out of your role and helping to train someone else.

However, the method of dealing with your leaving is similiar to how they are dealing with (or not dealing with) Dee. They really want to ignore things and hope they will go away and likely hope things will simmer down after the holidays.

Go Spine Go! And I hope you enjoy all the spare time you can devote to more appreciative people.

POF

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I think (but please correct me) that if the Chairman and others had contacted you and thanked you for all your previous hard work and acknowledged your leaving and apologized for how you were treated, you would have been more receptive to easing out of your role and helping to train someone else.

However, the method of dealing with your leaving is similiar to how they are dealing with (or not dealing with) Dee. They really want to ignore things and hope they will go away and likely hope things will simmer down after the holidays.

Go Spine Go! And I hope you enjoy all the spare time you can devote to more appreciative people.

You nailed it, a bunch of lets " write it off to girl fights " and not confront it. Frankly, I did leave instructions ( I had created a process manual last year ) and I have shown other people how to use it.  If I was leaving over a disagreement, or because I was just tired of the whole thing - I would have transitioned over or even a tiff with another voluntter.  But  I was verbally attacked BY A BOARD MEMBER _ who had been causing lots of issues, aggressive demeaning language was used and I left in tears.  THEY HAVE NOT EVEN SPOKEN TO HER ABOUT IT.  My DH who is very mild mannered is insisting that I do not help them at all.

Volunteers are not disposable.  They fail to realize how valuable donor and volunteer goodwill is to an non for profit.  So it feels good to shine up my spine.  if they kick Dee and the circus monkey out --- then I will at least transition some stuff next year.  But as I said in my email ... maybe Dee should spend some long winter evenings with the database.

Bijou

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I sent an email out that said given what happened its best for me to make a clean break. I also mentioned that by coming back to help I would be condoning my own mistreatment and that I would be setting a very poor example to my sons. I would in essence say that I accepted this mistreatment and did not have the guts to stand up for myself.

I am sure my "friend" will not be a friend anymore, but I do not care.  ( My Dh sort of thinks she is a user anyway )

I deleted all the emails today and I will archive off the data files.  ( I can't bring myself to actually delete them ... yet ..... just a Finance IT thing. )

I am not letting anyone off the hook or making it easy for anyone.
Your email could not have been more perfect.  Wonderful response!
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Bijou

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I think (but please correct me) that if the Chairman and others had contacted you and thanked you for all your previous hard work and acknowledged your leaving and apologized for how you were treated, you would have been more receptive to easing out of your role and helping to train someone else.

However, the method of dealing with your leaving is similiar to how they are dealing with (or not dealing with) Dee. They really want to ignore things and hope they will go away and likely hope things will simmer down after the holidays.

Go Spine Go! And I hope you enjoy all the spare time you can devote to more appreciative people.

You nailed it, a bunch of lets " write it off to girl fights " and not confront it. Frankly, I did leave instructions ( I had created a process manual last year ) and I have shown other people how to use it.  If I was leaving over a disagreement, or because I was just tired of the whole thing - I would have transitioned over or even a tiff with another voluntter.  But  I was verbally attacked BY A BOARD MEMBER _ who had been causing lots of issues, aggressive demeaning language was used and I left in tears.  THEY HAVE NOT EVEN SPOKEN TO HER ABOUT IT.  My DH who is very mild mannered is insisting that I do not help them at all.

Volunteers are not disposable.  They fail to realize how valuable donor and volunteer goodwill is to an non for profit.  So it feels good to shine up my spine.  if they kick Dee and the circus monkey out --- then I will at least transition some stuff next year.  But as I said in my email ... maybe Dee should spend some long winter evenings with the database.
There are the two people who were making your life miserable and your job hard to do, and then there were the people who let you down when you went to them for help.  So, you had two problems. 
In fact, I'm not sure which is the more serious and insurmountable of the two.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

RegionMom

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If Dee and circus monkey were reprimanded and dropped, would you go back? 
I think your answer needs to be NO. 

You gave lots, you donated time and talent and more than a tithe.  You said good-bye. 

Enjoy this Christmas and choose wisely how to donate next year.  A new year, a new perspective, a new start!

Merry Christmas, full of peaceful blessings!
 
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

eltf177

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I am polite but formal / cold to the leadership, I am not helping them out - it needs to be painful.  And of course ... Dee and Circus Monkey know EVERYTHING and should be able to figure it out.

I'm glad to hear you won't be wasting any personal time trying to help these two out. They created the situation, let them figure their way out of it! The same goes for upper level management for not doing anything in the first place, why should you help them either?

Winterlight

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I sent an email out that said given what happened its best for me to make a clean break. I also mentioned that by coming back to help I would be condoning my own mistreatment and that I would be setting a very poor example to my sons. I would in essence say that I accepted this mistreatment and did not have the guts to stand up for myself.

I am sure my "friend" will not be a friend anymore, but I do not care.  ( My Dh sort of thinks she is a user anyway )

I deleted all the emails today and I will archive off the data files.  ( I can't bring myself to actually delete them ... yet ..... just a Finance IT thing. )

I am not letting anyone off the hook or making it easy for anyone.

Glad to hear it!

I think the best thing to do at this point is block them and ignore. Do not respond to them at all. A final letter only works if that's your last word.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

BeagleMommy

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POF, I have visions of Dee 10 months from now whining "Well, I didn't know it would be this haaaarrrrrrdddd to change the database.  POF always did it so easily."

You deserve a peaceful holiday.

CharlieBraun

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Volunteers are not disposable. 

An amazing statement that should be emblazoned in the sky.
"We ate the pies."

eltf177

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Volunteers are not disposable. 

An amazing statement that should be emblazoned in the sky.

And part of the motto of any organization that relies on volunteers!

POF

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See - the thing with volunteers is that they will donate, recruit more volunteers, and will talk positively and align themselves with the goals of your organization. They are a valuable resource.

The old chestnut that if someone is happy they will tell one person, if someone is unhappy they will tell seven is true.

I have been very professional and discreet about my leaving.  I know that there is a lot of chatter at the volunteer center.  I was very well liked because ... I treated other volunteers as valued assets of the organization. I said please and thank you.  I was genuinely appreciative of all efforts.  If someone did something wrong, no big deal - we fixed it. It's not like there was a kidney in a cooler going to a transplant.

But what if I were vindicative... what if I got on Facebook and just said bad things.... because you know there are people who would have.

Most businesses - even if they are not at fault will send you a generic ... sorry our services not up to par, please give us an opportunity to make it better.

The board was very stupid not to have made some attempt ( even if they didn't really mean it )  to let me know that this treatment wasn't right.

 I did finally get a sorry you won't be with us email from the president and I said .. While its all well and good to say you will miss me what is missing is an acknowledgement or apology that how I was treated was wrong. Therefore, I have to assume that you condone this behavior or that you believe whatever spin Dee put on the episode.  No reply needed- I've moved on

And I have, I did not realize what a burden this toxic group had become. It was truly a blessing in disguise. I also saw first hand how words hurt and how even tough people can be blindsided.  Hard lesson, but important. I believe that I came out of this a better and stronger person.




boxy

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See - the thing with volunteers is that they will donate, recruit more volunteers, and will talk positively and align themselves with the goals of your organization. They are a valuable resource.

The old chestnut that if someone is happy they will tell one person, if someone is unhappy they will tell seven is true.

*snip*

Yes!  Yes!  Yes!!

Dearest OP, I'm so glad you have responded the way you have.  No one should treat a volunteer like crap.  You just don't do it because what you wrote is so true.  Volunteers can be the best and most cost effective form of advertising and growth for an organization!  Volunteers are an amazing resource. 

I volunteer and your story is a reminder to me, as an occasional leader, to double check how I treat those that are in my work group.   Actually, it's a reminder to me that even when I'm not "in charge" for the day to be sure and treat the other volunteers with respect. 

This is such a good thread.

LeveeWoman

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I did finally get a sorry you won't be with us email from the president and I said .. While its all well and good to say you will miss me what is missing is an acknowledgement or apology that how I was treated was wrong. Therefore, I have to assume that you condone this behavior or that you believe whatever spin Dee put on the episode.  No reply needed- I've moved on

I would hope that this would lead to some soul-searching by the president, but from the way she's acted so far I doubt it will.

Shoo

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I did finally get a sorry you won't be with us email from the president and I said .. While its all well and good to say you will miss me what is missing is an acknowledgement or apology that how I was treated was wrong. Therefore, I have to assume that you condone this behavior or that you believe whatever spin Dee put on the episode.  No reply needed- I've moved on

I would hope that this would lead to some soul-searching by the president, but from the way she's acted so far I doubt it will.

Me too.  I'm really glad you included this in your message to her.  I think it's important for 1) you to say it, and 2) her to hear it.

Sophia

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Many people think that things are worth what they cost.  Volunteers aren't paid.  Therefore they aren't valued.