Author Topic: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?  (Read 6026 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2012, 02:59:19 PM »
I think that if 90% of your circle doesn't do it then it probably doesn't seem all that strange not to be sending a card without photos or letters.  If you are getting alot with pictures and or letters it is probably a bit different.

DaDancingPsych

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #16 on: November 28, 2012, 04:02:54 PM »
I agree with the others; you are free to stop whenever you wish. Reciprocal cards are not required.

I will say that I had never realized that there was a segment of people who didnít like them or felt that they were outdated. I have sent them (off and on) thinking it was it was caring statement. Maybe Iíve been mistaken! I will probably continue sending (off and on) with the assumption that itís a thoughtful thing to do, even if the other person doesnít do it.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #17 on: November 28, 2012, 04:11:55 PM »
I'd say our receipt of photo vs non-photo Christmas cards is about 50/50.  I do find that most of the photo ones are from families with human kids, but we also receive a few of the with canine and feline kids as the photo centerpiece.  I also have one set of friends who are child free and they send a photo card each year of them on one of their vacations.

I enjoy getting the traditional cards, too. The cards are usually very pretty or sentimental and are attractive to display.

Less than a 1/3 of the 40 plus cards we receive each year has a newsletter with it. 

I seldom thank anyone for a Christmas card or acknowledge it in anyway unless I mention the content of the card.

But I agree that if it is becoming burdenson then it is fine to stop sending cards to anyone you choose.

rigs32

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #18 on: November 28, 2012, 05:39:58 PM »
With some of my siblings-in-laws though, I technically don't even know they are getting them- we don't really talk outside of the holidays, some live half the country away, and frankly, yes, postage is an issue for me too, it adds up and feels kind of wasted when I don't get a card or a thank you. I don;t think they are rude for not sending any, but it just seems a very one sided thing. 

But didn't you say that YOU started sending cards once you moved here?  You started something new and are now annoyed with family that hasn't jumped on the bandwagon?  That doesn't seem fair.

Lynn2000

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #19 on: November 28, 2012, 06:49:04 PM »
I send cards to people regardless of whether I get one in return.  I just like sending Christmas cards!  It's something my mother always did, and now I do it.  People have been crossed off my list for various reasons over the years, but none of them because they didn't send ME a card.

But to answer your question, it's perfectly okay to stop sending cards to someone for any reason that suits you.  Cards are optional in the first place.

Lots of interesting perspectives here. Shoo's is the one that most matches my own feelings. I don't include pictures, newsletters, or even personalized notes so my cards are very low effort. But, more effort than sending an email or posting "Happy Holidays!" on Facebook. To me they're just a happy little "I thought of you" to the person in question. And, honestly, I do it almost solely for my own benefit, because I enjoy it, and I don't notice who sends me one "in return" or mentions it to me. (Okay, actually, last year I noted who sent me one in return, but just because I like data and was curious. It did not in any way affect my list for this year and I don't even remember now who sent me one.)

If someone asked me to stop sending them or just generally mentioned their dislike of them, I would take them off my list, because I don't want to do something that upsets them. One person was removed from my list a couple years ago because they declined to provide me with their current mailing address when I asked for it (citing Christmas cards)--I took that as a sign that, for whatever reason, they didn't want one. No skin off my nose.

To answer the OP's question, I think if sending cards to certain people has become more burden than fun to you, you should just stop sending them to those people. Make your list of card-receivers a list of people you can smile at, not people who make you anxious re: cards.
~Lynn2000

Penguin_ar

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #20 on: November 28, 2012, 07:29:27 PM »
But didn't you say that YOU started sending cards once you moved here?  You started something new and are now annoyed with family that hasn't jumped on the bandwagon?  That doesn't seem fair.

It was my understanding that it is "normal/ expected" in the USA to send cards; certainly, I am getting cards from some family, friends, neighbours etc.  And I have seen cards displayed in those family members homes who do not send them (not all of them, some live so far I never visited their homes)- though not always ours.  Sending cards was new to me too, not something done in my culture :)  Maybe I was just wrong in thinking it was the "done" thing, like sending thank yous after a gift is received or rsvp to invites?

Sharnita

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #21 on: November 28, 2012, 07:36:23 PM »
It is a personal taste kind of thing.  SOme people go to church, some don't.  Maybe more or less than other cultures or countries.  Or abstaining from/consuming alcohol. Or watching football.

DottyG

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #22 on: November 28, 2012, 07:39:21 PM »
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I send Christmas cards to people I care about, never thinking about receiving a card in return.

This.  I've never thought it a "tit for tat" type of thing.  If I want to send a card, I do.  I don't pay attention to whether they did the same.  Nor did I realize I had to be thanking people for sending them.  I've never realized that was required. :(


Sharnita

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #23 on: November 28, 2012, 07:43:37 PM »
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I send Christmas cards to people I care about, never thinking about receiving a card in return.

This.  I've never thought it a "tit for tat" type of thing.  If I want to send a card, I do.  I don't pay attention to whether they did the same.  Nor did I realize I had to be thanking people for sending them.  I've never realized that was required. :(

I don't think it is.  I can see that if you are trying to decide which of the eligible people/households you know will actually get cards, considering who has sent cards might be helpful.

DottyG

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #24 on: November 28, 2012, 07:44:33 PM »
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I will probably continue sending (off and on) with the assumption that itís a thoughtful thing to do, even if the other person doesnít do it.

I will, too.  I don't see them as "outdated" at all.  I sure hope they never become such.  That would be kinda sad, in my opinion. :(

DottyG

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #25 on: November 28, 2012, 07:46:10 PM »
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I can see that if you are trying to decide which of the eligible people/households you know will actually get cards, considering who has sent cards might be helpful.

Actually, you bring up a good point.  There are some people that I need to wait for a card from them to make sure I have the most current address for them.  In fact, that's another reason why I love getting cards; it helps me know I have their correct address without having to ask them yet again to send it to me via email!


DottyG

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #26 on: November 28, 2012, 07:48:43 PM »
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It was my understanding that it is "normal/ expected" in the USA to send cards

Not at all.  It's completely a personal preference thing.


Yvaine

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #27 on: November 28, 2012, 07:50:11 PM »
But didn't you say that YOU started sending cards once you moved here?  You started something new and are now annoyed with family that hasn't jumped on the bandwagon?  That doesn't seem fair.

It was my understanding that it is "normal/ expected" in the USA to send cards; certainly, I am getting cards from some family, friends, neighbours etc.  And I have seen cards displayed in those family members homes who do not send them (not all of them, some live so far I never visited their homes)- though not always ours.  Sending cards was new to me too, not something done in my culture :)  Maybe I was just wrong in thinking it was the "done" thing, like sending thank yous after a gift is received or rsvp to invites?

It's not nearly that mandatory.  :) Some people send them, some people don't, and it's not rude to send them or rude to not send them.

ETA: It's less like an etiquette rule and more like a tradition. Some people like to drink eggnog at Christmas, or sing carols, or put up lights, but it's not rude to not do those things. Christmas cards are more like that. I like getting them, because they're a nice little reminder that someone thought of me, but I don't feel slighted if they don't send them, and I don't get around to sending them every year either.
« Last Edit: November 28, 2012, 07:51:49 PM by Yvaine »

Sharnita

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #28 on: November 28, 2012, 07:52:26 PM »
Now there might be some circles where it is the done thing - certain families, social groups, workplaces ...

shivering

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Re: Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?
« Reply #29 on: November 29, 2012, 01:39:34 PM »
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ETA: It's less like an etiquette rule and more like a tradition.

This is the best way to look at it. Not responding to an RSVP and not sending a TY note is an etiquette faux pas while holiday cards are about personal preference. Some people send them, some don't; some send photo cards while some send traditional cards. There's no real tit for tat or acknowledgement required.

More people (esp. young and single) are sending an email holiday card or sending holiday wishes through text or FB. I'm on the top end of the younger generation and admittedly a lot of my friends rarely use regular mail if there is an easy electronic alternative or it's a very formal occasion (e.g., wedding). I still like sending cards by mail, but fewer of my friends do it then say my parents' generation.