Christmas cards for those that don't send you one?

[TootsNYC]

Every year since we moved to the USA 4 years ago (I am from Europe, husband is from here), I have created photo Christmas cards of my family and sent them to family and friends. I quite like creating the card online, but mostly do it because it seems to be a cultural"thing to do" here (at least here in Arkansas). But several of my husband's siblings never sent us a card in return (yes I am sure I have the right address for them), nor thank us for the card we sent, though we do meet up over the holiday season and they give small presents to our kids.  Etiquette wise, am I in the clear to stop sending them cards?

Of course you are! They've indicated that Christmas cards are not important to them, so feel free to stop if you'd like to.

There are probably formulas in some etiquette book or column somewhere that says "stop after year 3 if they don't send them to you."

[DottyG]

There are probably formulas in some etiquette book or column somewhere that says "stop after year 3 if they don't send them to you."

If so, I hope there's an addendum to it that says, "but only if you want to.  You can continue to send cards as long as you want to - whether you get one in return or not."

[TootsNYC]

I'm sure it would say, "you may" or "if you like."

[Bijou]

Another point, sometimes people might feel unequal in their situation.  For axample, I have no kids so no pictures of kids.  I don't look much different so I wouldn't send a photo of me.  Not really news about myself and once again no kids so no newsletter.  I frequently do try to get out cards but it is just a bit different.

I would say that probably 90% of the Christmas cards I've ever received had no photos or newsletter, just the card and a little note scribbled inside. Is this weird? I'd never think to feel inadequate if that was all I had to send.

Not weird, at all.  To me, that's a Christmas card.  Our family never did send photo cards and received only a few of them over the years.  The kind you talk about however were received by the gross.  The post office would deliver twice a day during the season, and would deliver bundles of cards tied together.  I loved that, as a kid.  I only send 9 to 11 cards because many years ago the local friends and family stopped sending cards to people they saw all the time.   I think I may get one local card, all others are from out of town.

[kareng57]

In North America, I think it's becoming less and less common.  Even when I was still sending cards, I just sent them.  I never kept track re who was sending them in return.  But I do realise that this was common at one time.  I remember my mother's printed "address book" in the 1960s having a sub-Christmas Card list, with a column for check-marks for "sent" and "received".  So I seems that the mindset was that you didn't send a card if you hadn't received one from them for the previous Christmas.

I didn't send any last Christmas when my late Dh was very ill, and I'm not planning on doing so this Christmas.  It's going to be even more difficult than last Christmas.  If any previous senders decide to "discontinue" me, I will understand.

[mbbored]

This is a bit of threadjack, but I heard an NPR piece the other day that reminded me of this discussion.

In the early 60s, a sociologist sent 650 Christmas cards from his family to perfect strangers living in nearby cities and towns. He received hundreds of cards back, not only that year but subsequent cards for years after that. The last Christmas cards stopped arriving 20 years his experiment.

Anyways, for those of us who don't keep track of who we receive from but panic that we might have slighted somebody who sent us a card.

[Bijou]

This is a bit of threadjack, but I heard an NPR piece the other day that reminded me of this discussion.

In the early 60s, a sociologist sent 650 Christmas cards from his family to perfect strangers living in nearby cities and towns. He received hundreds of cards back, not only that year but subsequent cards for years after that. The last Christmas cards stopped arriving 20 years his experiment.

Anyways, for those of us who don't keep track of who we receive from but panic that we might have slighted somebody who sent us a card.

Interesting!

[Miss Unleaded]

I don't send them because I don't like the idea of all the landfill created by discarded Christmas cards in January.  For me it's primarily an environmental issue.  I would not mind if people stopped sending them to me, and in fact I rarely get them nowadays.

[shadowfox79]

Slightly off-topic, but I had to laugh at one I got last year.

I had decided not to bother sending to one university friend, since we had no contact except via Christmas cards and she hadn't sent one the previous year. Much to my surprise, I got a card from her - I recognised her handwriting immediately. However, when I opened it, I realised why I was being honoured this year.

This friend lives in my hometown with her fiance of several years (one of many reasons we don't speak - she never forgave me for getting married first). Inside the card read "Here's my new address!"

Let me add at this point that when she first introduced me to her fiance she said "This is X, he'll be earning 50K a year soon." This is her mindset.

The new address was in one of the wealthiest areas of our hometown. 

In other words, "Look where I live! Impressed yet?"

I sent a card back, but also looked up her address on Google Earth. In an area full of cathedral-sized houses, it was a very small and run-down semi, but in the spirit of Christmas I remained dutifully impressed.

[Shoo]

I don't send them because I don't like the idea of all the landfill created by discarded Christmas cards in January.  For me it's primarily an environmental issue.  I would not mind if people stopped sending them to me, and in fact I rarely get them nowadays.

Wouldn't most people recycle them?  I do. 

[Sharnita]

I don't send them because I don't like the idea of all the landfill created by discarded Christmas cards in January.  For me it's primarily an environmental issue.  I would not mind if people stopped sending them to me, and in fact I rarely get them nowadays.

Wouldn't most people recycle them?  I do.

Probably depends, in part, on if there is recycling pickup easily available in their community.  It doesn't exist everywhere.

[bopper]

I would not expect someone to thank me or even mention that they got my Christmas card.  I also don't mind if I do or do not get a card from you. I like to send out bunches of cards.  I only drop you from my list if I haven't heard at all from you and we are not related and I am not interested in putting much effort in maintaining at least a "christmas card" relationship.

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

In today's mail I received a holiday card from the Obamas.  Do I have to send them a card now?   Will we be on each other's card lists for the next 20 years?

The card is very cute, with a photo of First Dog Bo in the snow in front of the White House. Link to photo of card:  http://www.peoplepets.com/people/pets/article/0,,20654125,00.html

[NotTheNarcissist]

Since you mention that it is not common to your original background:

People can thank you for a card but they don't have to.  People can reciprocate but it is not required.  You can use various criteria to decide who gets a card and who doesn't.  Some people use family closeness, other people base it on who sends them cards, etc.

In other words, they haven't been rude but if you choose to stop sending cards at this point neither are you.

Parking my pod here.

I send Christmas cards to people who never reciprocate & frankly I never even thought twice about it. In fact I never expect a return Christmas card. It's nice if it happens but I don't expect it. And I definitely don't expect to be thanked for sending a Christmas card no matter how much time, effort & expense I put into them.

It sounds like that in another country besides the US I would be considered rude

[Mr Wigglybones]

Christmas cards are not an obligation - send them, don't send them; do as you prefer. However no one else has to send them if they don't want to. Feel free to stop sending cards if you want.