Help please: How much support is too much? - Long as always

[mmswm]

I've suffered from severe depression most of my life.  I really like the suggestion of going over and putting on a pot of coffee and just hanging out.  I have a good friend who's been known to do that to me, and it really helps.  It also helps that she's never said a negative word about how I get when I'm having a bad episode.  During those times, even getting a shower seems like an unattainable goal sometimes.

Something else that might help is to offer to take her kids somewhere for a couple of hours.  If you can't manage all the kids, offer to take one out for ice cream, and then take another kid another day.  Sometimes it helps to have the pressure of managing the kids taken off of you for a little bit. The time to drink a cup of coffee in silence, or surf the internet in peace can do wonders for one's disposition.

[JacklynHyde]

I agree wholeheartedly with mmswm (good to see you on the forum!) about just being there.  I'm in much the situation of OP's friend and can give some perspective.  Poverty can make for a feeling of isolation.  It's tough to see all those FB invites going out to dinners and to bars that are out of my financial reach. 

Don't offer to take her out and pay her way.  It's embarrassing to feel like a return favor or eventual repaid beer is owed.  Instead, offer a potluck with her and a few friends she may not have seen for a while.  Suggest catching a film at the dollar theater (that's should be in her reach).  Start a book club or something that can be done at home or at a local library.  Getting your friend out of the house and into something outside of her own head will mean the world to her.

Hopefully, she'll start taking the initiative for herself.  I'm having a potluck bourbon tasting here this week, so everyone who can only afford one bottle can sample what other people enjoy.  I'm also joining a book club because another friend suggested we start one.  It's getting me out of the house or bringing others in, which makes me happier than I have been in a while.

[RebeccainGA]

So agree that going to her may be a good option. Maybe even show up with some Febreeze, a new Swiffer, and some rubber gloves and a work apron, and offer to help her clean her bedroom/kitchen/living room or whatever she needs help with most (I know when I'm depressed, the house shows it!).

I must also say, I wish I had a friend like you around. I've been in the throes of anxiety/depression with the holidays/my birthday coming up, and all the other stuff that's happened the last two years (I sound like a freaking country song!). The seeming isolation is the worst part of it - I have, and still do, feel like I'm all alone in this. Knowing I wasn't alone would be one of the best gifts I could get. :-)