Author Topic: Please come to my shower, but please don't feel obligated to get me anything  (Read 3151 times)

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pearls n purls

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I met a friend for lunch last week and she surprised me with a generous gift card at a baby store.  Someone's throwing me a baby shower in January, and I'd like this friend to be invited.  However she spent a lot of money on me and I would feel really bad it she felt obligated to get me a gift.  On the other hand, I view showers as a fun get-together and don't want to exclude this friend just because she gave me an early gift. 

Would it be okay for me to let her know privately that she will be receiving an invitation to a shower and that I'd love for her to come but to please just bring herself?

BabyMama

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I think that'd be fine. I get really excited for peoples' babies and have to rein in my buying to prevent awkward social moments. She probably just got excited too :)

DottyG

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You might be able to gently let her know that you want her there and that the gift she gave you is sufficient. But I wouldn't outright forbid her to bring something. She might want to get you something small either to avoid feeling awkward as the only shower guest who came empty-handed (because, a shower is a known gift giving event) or because she found something special she wants to give you as an extra to what she already gave.

I think the intentions are great. But just be careful how you say it.



YummyMummy66

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You could also have the items you purchase with the gift card wrapped and at the shower, let said friend open them and be surprised! or open them yourself, even knowing what they are already are.

That way, said friend will not really be left out of the festivities.

DottyG

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YM66 has a good option, if the friend wants to do it that way.


shivering

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I think it's fine to gently tell her that she really doesn't need to bring a gift. Whether she brings a small gift, a card or just herself, I would acknowledge her at the shower while opening presents; "And thank you to A for the gift card to Babies R Us."

pearls n purls

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Thanks for the input!

Deetee

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I agree with the previous posters. Invite her and tell her that she has already given you a gift. Then (if you do the gift opening at the shower) thank her during the gift opening. In fact, if you have already used the gift card, you could put out those items and show off what she "actually" got you.

Hmmmmm

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You could also have the items you purchase with the gift card wrapped and at the shower, let said friend open them and be surprised! or open them yourself, even knowing what they are already are.

That way, said friend will not really be left out of the festivities.

I think that would be such a cute ide.

WillyNilly

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If you were planning on inviting her, still invite her.  Just let the hostess know to please put a note in her invite "I've been informed you have already given the MTB a generous gift, please feel no obligation to get anything further" or something like that.  Or you could just say it to her. 

And then at the shower when its gift opening time, just announce "and Mary gave a gift car last month to Awesome store!" with a big smile and let her get her little bit of smiles and maybe a smattering of applause or however people react to gifts in your circles.  Most likely you will get a few other gifts shipped to you, or given early so this will be a very normal thing for you to say.  (I have never been to a shower where the guest of honor didn't mention gifts given outside the shower.)

DottyG

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Quote
and Mary gave a gift car last month

Wow!  That IS a cool gift!  ;)


Sharnita

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I like the idea of bringing what you purchased with the gc, or a picture of what you have/will purchase if you already have it set up at home. I would let her know you plan to do this so she doesn't worry that people will look at her and wonder where her gift is.

jpcher

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I agree that friends gift should be acknowledged in some way at the shower.

I also think that this:

Would it be okay for me to let her know privately that she will be receiving an invitation to a shower and that I'd love for her to come but to please just bring herself?

is a perfect way to handle the situation.