I wish I had...

[Snooks]

We have lots of posts on here about 20/20 hindsight and what we wish we'd done when faced with annoying situations and outrageous behaviour I thought it might be interesting to share them in a thread.  This may die a death but I'll start...

I wish last Christmas DH had called his parents on their behaviour when they spent 25 minutes in the car with us and failed to mention that SIL, who we are not on speaking terms with, was going to be at the destination.

I also wish we'd quietly "forgotten" the gift we were given then I wouldn't have been in the awkward position of having to justify a passive aggressive move with a thank you note.

[Free Range Hippy Chick]

Years and years ago - I hadn't been married long - we went to church with the ILs. DH is agnostic, I am atheist, but church-going was important to the ILs and we went to be polite. Nowadays I think I probably wouldn't, but never mind. Then I did.

The church was at that awkward stage where one minister has moved on, and they were having visiting ministers come and preach, to see if any of them would click with the congregation and want to stay.

It was a ThisDenomination church; the visiting minster preached for 30 minutes on how ThatDenomination was unchristian, wicked and just plain wrong, and by the way, all same sex relationships were also unchristian, wicked and just plain wrong. Neither of these is doctrine in ThisDenomination.

DH said I looked like an illustration from Body Language For Dummies, chapter 5, Taking Offence. Arms folded, legs crossed, shoulders hunched, barriers erected, head turned so far away from the minister that I was all but looking at the door behind me. A long way behind me - we were right at the front in a large church.

To this day - and this must have happened 25 years ago - I wish I had simply risen to my feet and left.

That mininster was not called to the congregation.

[PurpleFrog]

I wish I hadn't had a long time now ex-friend t my wedding let alone as bridesmaid. We've since worked out she's had baby rabies for a long tome and is dying to get married, moving in with one unsuitable man after another, and we can only assume her behaviour was down to jealousy.

She came to a dress fitting, proceeded to tell my mother who'd purchased the dress that I hated it, causing a world of trouble. 3 weeks before the wedding, after an apology and an explanation that she'd not ment what she'd said as it came out, on we go.

Day of: Myself, MOH and her husbands got up at 7am, as we had 1/2 hour shower slots, and two 8 month old babies to ready along with ourselves. I put breakfast on (mmm bacon) MOH showered, her and other bm (who'd just arrived) took over breakfast while I showered etc, MOH's husband fed and dressed both their baby and mine (total star). Where was ex-friend.....she'd gone back to bed, waiting to be served., and preventing us using the living room. She finally surfaces, takes 45 min in bathroom so we nearly miss the taxi.

At the hairdresser she took 20 minutes to decide on a style, (should have been done in advance) putting us behind.

refused to carry her dress and shoes on to the house incase she  chipped her nails.
Was absent during the entire getting ready process.

Refused to smile for pictures.

Had a crying tantrum in the reception.

Got outrageously drunk.

Told several people that the other BM's were picking on her.

Even took the groom's drink as she decided it had been bought for her.

Decided to tell several guests that I was really unhappy as I hated my dress.

Played scrabble with a guest on the toilet - loudly.


I could go on but you get the idea, obstructive attention seeking behaviour from start to finish. I sad my wedding caused me to loose a friend, but wish I'd seen through her sooner.

[happygrrl]

I wish I had ....lawd, there isn't enough bandwidth here for this....! 

[demarco]

My husband's brother's wife's sister's husband (got that?) pinned my husband to the wall on Thanksgiving, asking him a lengthy series of increasingly personal and detailed questions about his job.  It is hard to explain how invasive these questions were but they were deeply inappropriate and insulting. I knew DH did not want to answer him (DH never even tells anyone what he does for a living unless there is no avoiding it) but he didn't know how to shut him down without being impolite and he was determined to keep the peace. 

I have a stock phrase I use in situations like this when I am the one being questioned.  "Why do you ask" is very  powerful and  has worked for me without creating a stir.   I wish I had swooped in and used it on DH's interrogator.  Next time, next time....

[Kendo_Bunny]

I wish I had been more forceful about why I did not want to attend public school, and had spoken up when I was getting bullied. Since I was being severely bullied at school by classmates, and was being bullied at home by my sister and stepmother, I had no respite unless I was able to accept an overnight invitation to one of my two friend's homes. If I had maybe been able to go to a different school, maybe I would not have destroyed my health as a reaction to the abuse I was getting.

[gramma dishes]

I wish I had been more forceful about why I did not want to attend public school, and had spoken up when I was getting bullied. Since I was being severely bullied at school by classmates, and was being bullied at home by my sister and stepmother, I had no respite unless I was able to accept an overnight invitation to one of my two friend's homes. If I had maybe been able to go to a different school, maybe I would not have destroyed my health as a reaction to the abuse I was getting.

That's so sad.  The saddest part is though, that even if you had been allowed to change to a different school where there was no bullying, you would still have had to put up with it at home -- the one place where you should always be able to feel safe.
And since your stepmother was one of the people bullying you, who could you have turned to about the bullying going on elsewhere? 
Hugs, Kendo_Bunny. 

[Julia Mercer]

I wish I had two of my best friends stand up for me in my wedding instead of the one party pooper and her boyfriend (who was a groomsman), also, I wish I had someone else do my hair/makeup for me, the friend that set it up for me said that she would take care of paying the makeup artist, then months later the m/u artist (who I knew years ago), bombards me on Facebook about getting paid, and then she decides to tag herself in pictures she wasn't in, (luckily MOH, who had posted the pics) was able to untag her after I had blocked her). Now so called friend who set this up isn't even talking to me when I confronted her about it. She was one of the bridesmaids that I wish I had someone else stand up for me instead of.

[mmswm]

Shortly before his last operation, my oldest son was in an extreme amount of pain.  They couldn't get him scheduled for surgery for several weeks, but as the pain was in his left arm, and he's left handed, I got a little pushy on the topic of pain control. Unfortunately, his regular doctor could not see him right away and we saw another doctor.  I was frustrated, and trying to explain to her that I was upset because he was taking frequent, large doses of oxycodone in order to simply function at school and at home and they either needed to get him into surgery sooner or come up with something different for pain control to reduce the amount of narcotics he was taking.  This doctor's attitude was awful.  She said "What do you want me to do?  I'm not going to prescribe him any more narcotics".  I got the distinct feeling that she thought I was just after the drugs, when I'd told her several times that my whole point in being there was to REDUCE the narcotics use.  I was so flustered by her attitude that I was nearly speechless.  I really wish I had insisted on speaking to her supervisor at that point, but I was so exhausted and frustrated that I didn't do anything.

[Piratelvr1121]

I try not to have too many regrets but I guess I'd have to say I had been more private when I was younger.   Due to my folks ramming it down my throat that not sharing things with them was a lie by omission, I felt compelled to answer people when they'd question me about things that really weren't their business.

I made the mistake of, when chatting with a friendly crossing guard when we first moved that the reason was partly to put some distance between myself and my toxic parents.  Now anytime I see her she asks me about them.  Would I ever forgive them and let them back into my life? Do I look like them, do I have a picture? Do I know how they're doing?

After a while I started saying "No, we're estranged."  To the looks comment I just said "I look like my aunts actually." Which is true, I do.  The middle child no longer needs to be walked too and fro and when I do occasionally walk up there, the woman now avoids mention of my parents and so do I.