When someone is just really bad at their job-making a complaint

[Softly Spoken]

I used to work in ResLife, and you would not believe how frequently roommate mediations are required for roommates who aren't getting along simply because they won't communicate with each other. It gets old, and you can get burnt out pretty fast. You might also be surprised at the high number of manufactured incidences like the broken frame. I wouldn't have taken the frame as evidence, personally. There's no way to prove whose foot broke it. Texts are another matter, and it is worrisome that they weren't taken seriously. I do have to wonder what could have possibly been floating through the assistant director's head to think that *hugs* were in any way appropriate, though. That's just ridiculous.

I would *not* approach this as "the AD isn't doing her job" (since there is most likely way more to the job than mediations), but to express that you were not satisfied with how it was handled, especially regarding the texts & hug thing. However I would try and keep in mind that most likely you are already not looking very good to the housing department, either, assuming that Paula went through the school to finally move out. (I am assuming that she would have brought up that she was being basically shunned.)

Parking my POD here. This is a difficult situation because it mixes subjective feelings/relationships with factual reality. Unless you can point to written rules that were violated, the AD only sees four girls who aren't getting along. Figuring out where to put the line between "work it out" and "so-and-so should leave" is a job I would not want.

That being said, I think encouraging college-age room mates who are mad at each other to hug is naive, condescending and inappropriate. I mean, I'm all for hugs but that is not how mature grown-ups resolve their issues. I would only hug a friend, and only after we had actually worked through our issue, not if I was still miffed at her! It would be like a boss telling two arguing coworkers to hug it out! Ish-y!

[Danismom]

I honestly do not see the point in writing a complaint letter to the person you are complaining about.  Pointing out "hey, I don't think you did your job in this situation.  In fact, I think you did a horrible job in this case, and here's why"  is not likely to go anywhere but in te circular file.  Instead, I think that if this is something you feel strongly about and believe that the AD needs to work on the way she handles these situations, I suggest you write the letter to her boss.  If you want to keep everything out on the table, you can cc: her.  Still, her boss can make sure her process is reviewed and ensure that she's following organizational policy.

[SPuck]

I think the new assistant director lost all credibility when she tried to get Janet and Paula to hug.

[ellebelle]

I would strongly suggest that the OP spend some time on her letter. The example provided, would make me as a supervisor in Higher Education roll my eyes and not take it seriously. It comes across as "I didn't get my way so now I am going to complain."

I understand that the AD may not have been great, but unless you can point out specific policies and procedures that should have been followed and were not then you really won't have much to stand on. I think choosing words like 'abuse' and 'bullying' need to be done carefully. You would need absolute proof that Paula's actions were abusive before raising such an issue. I think it is a pretty serious charge to make against another student.

[Twik]

We weren't taken seriously. This wasn't just a matter of us just not liking her, Paula verbally abused Janet.

Abuse is a pretty strong word to throw around.

Also, one person's "verbal abuse" is another person's "she talked mean to me."

Well, yes. "Talking mean to" is verbally abusing. It's one and the same.

[Giggity]

I don't think they are the same. It's entirely possible to be mean without bullying.

If we are redefining the entire spectrum of meanness as bullying, I'm not on board with that.

[CaptainObvious]

We weren't taken seriously. This wasn't just a matter of us just not liking her, Paula verbally abused Janet.

Abuse is a pretty strong word to throw around.

Also, one person's "verbal abuse" is another person's "she talked mean to me."

Well, yes. "Talking mean to" is verbally abusing. It's one and the same.

I disagree. You can use a "mean tone", or use harsh words, but  it is not the same as verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is a term that is thrown out way too lightly.

[ellebelle]

I agree that verbal abuse is used too frequently.

I have been verbally abused. My father is a physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive person. I take GREAT offense at people using the term abuse so lightly. It is a VERY serious charge to throw at some one. If I tell my daughter no in a stern voice that makes her cry, I am being a parent, not verbally abusing her. If I call my daughter S$(% and tell her that she is useless, etc. THEN I am being abusive.