Author Topic: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?  (Read 7292 times)

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Jones

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #60 on: December 01, 2012, 11:46:22 PM »
When I was in HS there was a young man with special needs who had been urged at some point to ask girls to "be his girlfriend". He'd talk about kissing etc. all the time. People thought it was funny and girls agreed to be his "girlfriend" so he'd get a big smile, a hug and walk away. I was uncomfortable with it and did not play along as I could see a situation such as the one described in the OP, in which he would act inappropriately, not know or understand it was inappropriate and perhaps become upset when the women of the world didn't play to his rules.

As for volunteers wheeling people out to pickup, my son had a surgery this week and a bright, chatty girl wheeled him out with us. She talked to him in an engaging manner (it was the first time in his little life that he strung two words together) and then she returned the wagon so we didn't have to. It was a great service IMO, but I can see how easily someone could choose to gain access somewhere they aren't needed and become an annoyance, too.

kareng57

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #61 on: December 02, 2012, 12:25:12 AM »
I think that the best scenario would have been to say "I'm busy, thank you" rather than "go away".


sunnygirl

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #62 on: December 02, 2012, 12:47:08 AM »
I am under no obligation to speak to anyone just because they approach me.
This, this, this.
We woman are programmed to be "nice", even if we are uncomfortable, and this makes us vulnerable.
We feel guilty, and we shouldn't. Etiquette does not dictate responding to strangers. We teach our daughters not to talk to strangers, then as we grow into women, we are taught that it is "rude" not to.
His "special needs" are a red herring, if someone sets off your hinky-meter, you are under no obligation to interact with them.

POD this x100000000000000
The idea/social conditioning that women are supposed to be 'nice' and that owning a vagina means you're obligated to make nice to men and participate in social intercourse if a man incites it - regardless of whether that man is a potential predator, a stalker, or makes her uncomfortable - is one of the main contributing factors to rape culture and the fact we live in a rape culture is one of the biggest threats to women our society faces and is something all women (and men!) should actively fight against.

The only negative reaction I have to this is that not all women were taught this, and thus "we women" is not appropriate.  I do not like being lumped into a category to which I do not belong just because I have a certain set of genes.
Imo Western society as an entity teaches this -- simply living in a patriarchal rape culture that promulgates certain messages and social conditioning systems about gender and power affects everyone, regardless of your own upbringing and what effect if any it had on you. I mean, I don't feel I was ever directly taught that either -- I was raised in a radical feminist household and went to a very liberal school and I feel that pretty much ameliorated whatever larger social messages I was exposed to. But I still feel rape culture is a universal social issue whether it affects one directly or not.

Which is getting off the topic; sorry - I think the OP could have handled it in different way, sure, but I don't think she was rude or obligated to deal with it differently. And I know it's impossible to generalise without knowing the exact nature of this man's disability, but I have severe learning disabled relatives and in my experience you sometimes need to be blunt. The fact this man has a history of ignoring direct rebuffs (e.g. continuing to ask strangers to be his girlfriend after repeatedly being told "No I'm not interested and am married") suggests bluntness might be necessary.

Winterlight

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #63 on: December 02, 2012, 01:04:01 AM »
I think that given the background you handled it appropriately. If this was your first meeting, I'd say you were rude, but Bill has not taken a hint in the past and you had no reason to think that had changed.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

zyrs

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #64 on: December 02, 2012, 03:16:22 AM »
Everyone is assuming that Bill doesn't remember the OP.  That is probably the case, but it's also possible that he does and tried to 'start over'.  It's also possible that Bill decided to be where he wasn't supposed to be because he saw the OP go into the area.  Bill is not supposed to be interacting with patients, Bill seems not to have interacted with the other patients in the waiting room, only the OP.

I think you handled it fine OP.  I think the volunteer coordinator isn't handling it well.

nolechica

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #65 on: December 02, 2012, 03:56:34 AM »
So, spine clinic and primary care office... Anyone else wonder if the volunteer is sensitive because these are not his only assignments?

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Dealing with a "flirtatious" volunteer - did I handle correctly?
« Reply #66 on: December 02, 2012, 04:31:02 AM »
Everyone is assuming that Bill doesn't remember the OP.  That is probably the case, but it's also possible that he does and tried to 'start over'.  It's also possible that Bill decided to be where he wasn't supposed to be because he saw the OP go into the area.  Bill is not supposed to be interacting with patients, Bill seems not to have interacted with the other patients in the waiting room, only the OP.

I think you handled it fine OP.  I think the volunteer coordinator isn't handling it well.

Yes, I thought all of this.



So, spine clinic and primary care office... Anyone else wonder if the volunteer is sensitive because these are not his only assignments?

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean?