Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Dear Abby: Party Letter 12/3/12 Nightmare Guest

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The second letter made my jaw drop.

Short summary: The LW and her husband have a tradition of throwing an annual holiday party for their neighbors.  One of the neighbors, Jim, has a habit of inviting people (that the hosts intentionally left off of the guest list) because he thinks that the hosts "forgot" to invite them.  This means extra people the hosts didn't expect and don't particularly want in their house. 

Last year, the hosts excluded Jim from their invitation list, but Jim emailed them repeatedly, demanding the time and date of the party, so they relented and told him.  He forwarded that email to dozens of people, which meant even more uninvited guests.

Abby suggested not hosting the party for a year or two and then re-establishing the tradition without Jim. 

I think that's a valid suggestion, but I also think that the hosts need to "spine up" and tell Jim to cut it out.  If they want to have their party, they should have it.   And when Jim demands to be invited, tell him no.  And possibly tell the other guests why Jim isn't invited and to please not give him the date and time.

So my questions are:

1) Would it be rude to tell the other guests not to tip off Jim?

2) Would it be rude to turn Jim's uninvited guests away at the door?

3) How would you handle this situation?

I'd refuse to invite him despite his "demand" and tell him why. "I'm sorry, Jim, but we only have space for 15 guests. Every time we've invited you you've brought 10 extra guests we hadn't planned for and I'm afraid we can't accommodate you anymore."

I agree with both of you. 

I would definitely address this because it is beyond presumptuous.  Leaving him off the guest list was clearly an inadequate solution.

 Jim feels strongly that these people should be hosted--just not by him.  Cheaper that way. >:D

Why? Why pause/ruin the party for everyone? Why not just talk to the guy?


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