Being grilled at the table.

[Faerydust]

Lately, my stock response to personal questions is "that's an interesting question, what makes you ask?" or instead of answering, I ask them the same question, if it applies, then once they answer I ask more questions so the focus is on them and they eventually forget about it. 

[LeveeWoman]

I've asked "Why do you want to know?" of people who've asked intrusive questions.

[Venus193]

POD. I think the concept of "respect your elders" goes out the window when those elders don't behave in a way that deserves respect. I cannot believe she thought it was appropriate to discuss whether DH would cheat on you in front of your daughter!

I'll take it a step further than that.  You are now an adult.  Whether this neighbor knew you as a child or not you have the absolute right to adult boundaries, including with your parents.  You do not need to tell them anything that is none of their business just because they are older than you are, or your parents' guest.

The other suggestions are excellent.  I personally would start with the raised eyebrow and "I beg your pardon" and escalate from there with anyone who doesn't get it.

[nuit93]

she invited an elderly neighbor, Ms. Brenda, who doesn't get out much.

"So, Brenda, do you think there any particular reason that no one ever invites you out a second time?"

I like it

[jedikaiti]

Someone here once posted a stock answer to inappropriate or personal questions "It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels."

The sentence had nothing to do with what was asked, but was a great distractor.

I have GOT to remember this!

[sweetonsno]

Someone here once posted a stock answer to inappropriate or personal questions "It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels."

The sentence had nothing to do with what was asked, but was a great distractor.

I have GOT to remember this!

I also love this response.

As for this particular situation, I took a cue from the thread title and came up with, "If I wanted grilling at the table, I'd go for teppanyaki."

[jane7166]

I would also make it clear that Ms. Brenda is not to be in your daughter's presence when she is visiting her grandmother alone.  If this woman thinks those questions are appropriate for Thanksgiving dinner, what would she say to your daughter?

Yes, exactly.  My mom did this to a friend of mine when we were teens.  Friend was over for dinner and Mom kept asking personal questions and Friend was answering vaguely and trying to be polite.  I finally said, "Does the prosecution rest?" to my mom, who looked surprised and then said, "Yes, the prosecution rests." 

I am surprised I didn't get in trouble for that one. 

[LifeOnPluto]

How appallingly rude! (Brenda, not you, OP). I wonder if she's somewhat senile, because I can't believe a rational person would behave that way.

I'd be tempted to give cheeky, silly answers. Eg:

Brenda: Has DH ever cheated on you whilst travelling for business?

You: Oh yes, he has a wife in every city. I'm actually Wife Number 23, for the record.

[doodlemor]

..... I wonder if she's somewhat senile.....

Anything's possible.  However, I have known many older people, particularly women, who think that it is their deity given right to ask any question/say whatever they want.

If you are in a similar situation again, OP, I think that you can politely tell her to stop asking personal questions that don't concern her.  If she persists, I think that you should politely leave.

Your mother would be unhappy, but it would be a good example for DD.  You don't want to teach her that it is OK to let people bully her.

[miranova]

Our stock response when someone asks something too personal it's "that's classified information", said with a smile. 

[SoCalVal]

I was so shocked that it was happening and she was asking questions so rapidly that I didn't have time to recover.  The line of questioning I found super off-putting was asking me questions about my family members (I literally just met this woman like 5-10 minutes beforehand).  My family members?  Nowhere near here and only entered the conversation because the woman started interrogating me about them.  Fortunately, I am already rather private so I didn't answer her question.  I just repeated her question in a puzzled fashion and gave a non-answer and, I think, stated I found it a rather odd question.  Should I encounter here again, I'll be better prepared mentally to not answer her questions (I'd love to just tell her off, but the only place I'd encounter her is at her son's house so I can't).

[VltGrantham]

Thanks for the good advice everyone.  It is much appreciated!

[bopper]

Also, it may be that Miss Brenda is getting older and perhaps starting down the road to dementia or somesuch and is starting to lose her filter.  I would mention what happened to my mom and that it was not enjoyable.  The next time your mom invites you over, ask if Brenda is going to be there, and if she is, then tell your mom you would like to meet up with her another time.

[Ms_Cellany]

Someone here once posted a stock answer to inappropriate or personal questions "It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels."

The sentence had nothing to do with what was asked, but was a great distractor.

I've used that one. It works like a charm!

[jedikaiti]

Someone here once posted a stock answer to inappropriate or personal questions "It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the existence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels."

The sentence had nothing to do with what was asked, but was a great distractor.

I've used that one. It works like a charm!

I'm thinking a refusal to confirm or deny the existence of extraterrestrials on US soil could work very nicely, too.