Author Topic: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy  (Read 19332 times)

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nuit93

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #120 on: December 05, 2012, 03:25:02 PM »
I think the discussions about people having open marriages and "what if the genders were reversed" are making this a bit more complicated than it needs to be - even if it was a man calling out to a girl, the first step should always be "tell them clearly you are not interested and that they need to stop".

Me too--it's kind of irrelvant to the conversation.  Even if OP and her husband did have an open marriage, it doesn't mean he has to tolerate Tammy's behavior.

Winterlight

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #121 on: December 05, 2012, 03:42:23 PM »
Good for DH! Hopefully she will get the point now.
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artk2002

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #122 on: December 05, 2012, 08:44:11 PM »
Great job, DH!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Amava

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #123 on: December 05, 2012, 08:56:53 PM »
So, a small update.

DH ran into Tammy last night when he was coming home from work.  They exchanged a very simple greeting and then DH proceeded to tell her that he did not appreciate her attentions towards him.  I think his words were "Please stop calling out to me when I am on my balcony.  I enjoy my private time without interruptions and I find your interruptions to be distracting and inappropriate.  The whole situation is making me uncomfortable and I want to make sure you realize that I am only your neighbor and absolutely nothing more."

He said she seemed to take it well and I hope the matter is resolved.  Still, we won't exactly be going out of our way to do any favors for Tammy.

You know something? I think he did her the biggest and most necessary favor he could have done her.
Without becoming insulting or rude, and in a totally reasonable way, he tried to help her see the reality, and gave her a chance to stop making a nuisance and a fool of herself.
I hope she puts this to good use and starts behaving like a normal neighbour now.
I hope it for your sake, for his, and for hers.

And if she does relapse... well, at least he tried.

NutMeg

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #124 on: December 05, 2012, 11:15:34 PM »
Perfect response by your husband. Polite, firm, and clear.
"You're hostages! This is a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it! We're your captors. We're armed. There's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this!" - Dr. Daniel Jackson                

Gyburc

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #125 on: December 06, 2012, 05:41:54 AM »
You know something? I think he did her the biggest and most necessary favor he could have done her.
Without becoming insulting or rude, and in a totally reasonable way, he tried to help her see the reality, and gave her a chance to stop making a nuisance and a fool of herself.
I hope she puts this to good use and starts behaving like a normal neighbour now.
I hope it for your sake, for his, and for hers.

And if she does relapse... well, at least he tried.

I completely agree. Well done, Devix's DH, and I hope she takes his very good advice.

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peach2play

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #126 on: December 06, 2012, 07:49:41 PM »
Go your dear husband!

crella

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #127 on: December 06, 2012, 09:27:26 PM »
Good for him! That was perfect.

Nora

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #128 on: December 07, 2012, 04:28:33 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

nuit93

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #129 on: December 07, 2012, 11:48:21 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.

Absolutely!

Oh, the stories I could tell... :-\

Raintree

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #130 on: December 07, 2012, 11:10:48 PM »
A married female friend of mine was visiting her hometown on vacation without her husband (she wanted to visit, he was working, it was all good with all involved parties). She was suntanning in a local park when some guy started trying to chat her up. She wasn't interested, but trying to be polite and give cues like inserting "My husband this, my husband that" into the conversation. So he wanted to know where her husband was, and she explained that he had not come with her on this trip. (I know, she shouldn't have felt a need to explain a thing, but that's her nature). So he made comments like, 'Oh, you must have a very open marriage then!" She did not know what he meant by that but it was still offensive to have a stranger making assumptions about her marriage.

Anyway, I think the default assumption should be "not an open marriage" until otherwise indicated.

weeblewobble

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #131 on: December 08, 2012, 06:28:56 AM »
WHOA!! Good for your husband!! That was perfect!!

weeblewobble

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #132 on: December 08, 2012, 09:36:44 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.

Wait, so because you have an open marriage, it's your responsibility to "improve their self-esteem?"  In their opinion, you're required to be open to everybody? That sounds like a massive, horrifying assumption.

Tea Drinker

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #133 on: December 08, 2012, 11:42:52 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.

Wait, so because you have an open marriage, it's your responsibility to "improve their self-esteem?"  In their opinion, you're required to be open to everybody? That sounds like a massive, horrifying assumption.

Massive and horrifying, yes--and the men who say that probably also feel entitled to sex with random single women, regardless of what the women want.
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Wordgeek

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Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #134 on: December 08, 2012, 03:20:25 PM »
Thread closed.  Please see the forum rules about appropriate and inappropriate topics for the reason why.