News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • October 23, 2017, 12:29:58 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy  (Read 50715 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Member
  • Posts: 10073
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #120 on: December 05, 2012, 02:42:23 PM »
Good for DH! Hopefully she will get the point now.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

artk2002

  • Member
  • Posts: 13811
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #121 on: December 05, 2012, 07:44:11 PM »
Great job, DH!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Amava

  • Member
  • Posts: 4556
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #122 on: December 05, 2012, 07:56:53 PM »
So, a small update.

DH ran into Tammy last night when he was coming home from work.  They exchanged a very simple greeting and then DH proceeded to tell her that he did not appreciate her attentions towards him.  I think his words were "Please stop calling out to me when I am on my balcony.  I enjoy my private time without interruptions and I find your interruptions to be distracting and inappropriate.  The whole situation is making me uncomfortable and I want to make sure you realize that I am only your neighbor and absolutely nothing more."

He said she seemed to take it well and I hope the matter is resolved.  Still, we won't exactly be going out of our way to do any favors for Tammy.

You know something? I think he did her the biggest and most necessary favor he could have done her.
Without becoming insulting or rude, and in a totally reasonable way, he tried to help her see the reality, and gave her a chance to stop making a nuisance and a fool of herself.
I hope she puts this to good use and starts behaving like a normal neighbour now.
I hope it for your sake, for his, and for hers.

And if she does relapse... well, at least he tried.

NutMeg

  • Member
  • Posts: 1801
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #123 on: December 05, 2012, 10:15:34 PM »
Perfect response by your husband. Polite, firm, and clear.
"You're hostages! This is a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it! We're your captors. We're armed. There's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this!" - Dr. Daniel Jackson                

Gyburc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1714
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #124 on: December 06, 2012, 04:41:54 AM »
You know something? I think he did her the biggest and most necessary favor he could have done her.
Without becoming insulting or rude, and in a totally reasonable way, he tried to help her see the reality, and gave her a chance to stop making a nuisance and a fool of herself.
I hope she puts this to good use and starts behaving like a normal neighbour now.
I hope it for your sake, for his, and for hers.

And if she does relapse... well, at least he tried.

I completely agree. Well done, Devix's DH, and I hope she takes his very good advice.

When you look into the photocopier, the photocopier also looks into you

peach2play

  • Member
  • Posts: 962
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #125 on: December 06, 2012, 06:49:41 PM »
Go your dear husband!

crella

  • Member
  • Posts: 1253
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #126 on: December 06, 2012, 08:27:26 PM »
Good for him! That was perfect.

Nora

  • Member
  • Posts: 3368
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #127 on: December 07, 2012, 03:28:33 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

nuit93

  • Member
  • Posts: 1094
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #128 on: December 07, 2012, 10:48:21 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.

Absolutely!

Oh, the stories I could tell... :-\

Raintree

  • Member
  • Posts: 6812
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #129 on: December 07, 2012, 10:10:48 PM »
A married female friend of mine was visiting her hometown on vacation without her husband (she wanted to visit, he was working, it was all good with all involved parties). She was suntanning in a local park when some guy started trying to chat her up. She wasn't interested, but trying to be polite and give cues like inserting "My husband this, my husband that" into the conversation. So he wanted to know where her husband was, and she explained that he had not come with her on this trip. (I know, she shouldn't have felt a need to explain a thing, but that's her nature). So he made comments like, 'Oh, you must have a very open marriage then!" She did not know what he meant by that but it was still offensive to have a stranger making assumptions about her marriage.

Anyway, I think the default assumption should be "not an open marriage" until otherwise indicated.

weeblewobble

  • Member
  • Posts: 2650
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #130 on: December 08, 2012, 05:28:56 AM »
WHOA!! Good for your husband!! That was perfect!!

weeblewobble

  • Member
  • Posts: 2650
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #131 on: December 08, 2012, 08:36:44 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.

Wait, so because you have an open marriage, it's your responsibility to "improve their self-esteem?"  In their opinion, you're required to be open to everybody? That sounds like a massive, horrifying assumption.

Tea Drinker

  • Member
  • Posts: 2139
  • Now part of Team Land Crab
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #132 on: December 08, 2012, 10:42:52 AM »
Good! I too hope it sticks.

And as someone in an open marriage I'd like to say that it's not awesome when people find out we are open (because my or his BF/GF comes up), and they immidiately assume this to mean we'll appreciate aggressive flirting. And if we (particularly me as the woman), turn them down nicely it's not unusual to receive a face full of verbiage on the topic of their low self esteem and my lack of "sportsmanship".

Do not assume "open marriage" means "open to you". Not cool.

Wait, so because you have an open marriage, it's your responsibility to "improve their self-esteem?"  In their opinion, you're required to be open to everybody? That sounds like a massive, horrifying assumption.

Massive and horrifying, yes--and the men who say that probably also feel entitled to sex with random single women, regardless of what the women want.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

Wordgeek

  • Global Moderator
  • *****
  • Posts: 2407
Re: New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy
« Reply #133 on: December 08, 2012, 02:20:25 PM »
Thread closed.  Please see the forum rules about appropriate and inappropriate topics for the reason why.


Sorry, this topic is locked. Only admins and moderators can reply.