New Neighbor: Peeping Tammy

[Barb3000]

how about mp3 headphones while he is working out? If it persists, I might consider videoing her from the balcony.

[BarensMom]

I think moving your shoji screen to her side is a very good idea.  To soften the sound of her voice, DH could wear earplugs.  Otherwise, he could say, "Please don't distract me during my workouts - I could injure myself.  My evil twin would say, "and if I'm startled, I could lose control of a weight and it would go flying (in her direction)."

Do you hear her when she calls out to your DH?  Perhaps when you hear her, you could go outside and just look at her like she's the most pitiful thing on earth. Then shake your head, kiss your DH, and go back inside.

[LadyJaneinMD]

Please don't flame me totally, but is it totally out of line to say to her, 'Do you realize how creepy you are being?  This is totally inappropriate and you are acting like a stalker.  Please stop.' 

[cabbagegirl28]

Please don't flame me totally, but is it totally out of line to say to her, 'Do you realize how creepy you are being?  This is totally inappropriate and you are acting like a stalker.  Please stop.'

Not OP or her DH, but I wouldn't use stalker, only because people like that would just laugh it off and saying he's being too serious. But I'd definitely say the rest of it.

[TurtleDove]

Please don't flame me totally, but is it totally out of line to say to her, 'Do you realize how creepy you are being?  This is totally inappropriate and you are acting like a stalker.  Please stop.'

I think this is valid.  I have personally done this, and it is awkward, but it has worked for me.  The "stalker" ends up feeling sheepish, which he (in this case she) should. 

[MrTango]

Please don't flame me totally, but is it totally out of line to say to her, 'Do you realize how creepy you are being?  This is totally inappropriate and you are acting like a stalker.  Please stop.'

Not OP or her DH, but I wouldn't use stalker, only because people like that would just laugh it off and saying he's being too serious. But I'd definitely say the rest of it.

Maybe change "stalker" to "creep"?

[Tabby Uprising]

The only additional advice I have pertains to your shoji screen.  If I were DH, I would have it on hand on the balcony before my work out.  When the neighbor starts angling for his attention he can stop, glare at her pointedly and then set up the screen.  I think that would send a very strong and direct message. 

Good luck!

[artk2002]

The only additional advice I have pertains to your shoji screen.  If I were DH, I would have it on hand on the balcony before my work out.  When the neighbor starts angling for his attention he can stop, glare at her pointedly and then set up the screen.  I think that would send a very strong and direct message. 

Good luck!

I'm sorry, but that's not direct, that's Passive Aggressive. Direct is saying "Stop! Don't bother me again.

[VorFemme]

The only additional advice I have pertains to your shoji screen.  If I were DH, I would have it on hand on the balcony before my work out.  When the neighbor starts angling for his attention he can stop, glare at her pointedly and then set up the screen.  I think that would send a very strong and direct message. 

Good luck!

I'm sorry, but that's not direct, that's Passive Aggressive. Direct is saying "Stop! Don't bother me again.

THEN if they persist in "calling" out to someone else from their balcony - put up the screen. 

[Tabby Uprising]

The only additional advice I have pertains to your shoji screen.  If I were DH, I would have it on hand on the balcony before my work out.  When the neighbor starts angling for his attention he can stop, glare at her pointedly and then set up the screen.  I think that would send a very strong and direct message. 

Good luck!

I'm sorry, but that's not direct, that's Passive Aggressive. Direct is saying "Stop! Don't bother me again.

I don't see it as passive aggressive.  I don't want you looking at me and I'm putting up something to keep you from staring.  Nothing wrong with outright saying "stop looking at me" as well. He can do both. 

[WillyNilly]

The only additional advice I have pertains to your shoji screen.  If I were DH, I would have it on hand on the balcony before my work out.  When the neighbor starts angling for his attention he can stop, glare at her pointedly and then set up the screen.  I think that would send a very strong and direct message. 

Good luck!

I'm sorry, but that's not direct, that's Passive Aggressive. Direct is saying "Stop! Don't bother me again.

I don't see it as passive aggressive.  I don't want you looking at me and I'm putting up something to keep you from staring.  Nothing wrong with outright saying "stop looking at me" as well. He can do both.

The reason I don't think this is passive aggressive is because there are other neighbors and other balcony's.  Yes she is harassing OP's DH with her cat calls but I bet the noise is disturbing other tenant's quiet enjoyment of their balcony's too. Calling out from one terrace to another is nothing short of obnoxious.  Right now its just her being obnoxious and rude to the whole side of the building.  If OP's husband starts shouting back responses, even if they are "stop it" responses, he is contributing to annoying all the neighbors.  If he silently indicates the screen and puts it up, he is communicating via body language "this is because of you and me wanting to block you out" without making noise that might disturb others.

[BeagleMommy]

Wow, she's taking obvious to an entirely new level, isn't she?  I'm 47 and would never consider wearing something that tacky even for DH's enjoyment!

OP, you've gotten some good advice here.  I'm going to POD that your DH needs to clearly tell her that her attentions are unwanted.

[whiskeytangofoxtrot]

I'm in agreement that the building management should be notified, along with a direct confrontation- from both of you at the same time. If she wants nothing to do with you, then it sounds like being present during his workouts might help, too.

[cicero]

ewww, how creepy.

I think her age is not relevant (only the fact that she is considerably older than your dh). i think that the outfit she wore is not relevant (whether it is or isn't appropriate for women over X years to dress like that). references to her "hormonal irrationality" suggested by Calypso are also irrelevant.

the fact is she is making the moves on a married man, she is being extremely disrespectful of a married couple, and - seriously? cat calling and wolf whistling? sorry, btu that is very very very wrong.

I agree with PPs who say that you (dh) needs to tell her to stop, now. and then you need to take this up the chain. document document because you never know when/how crazy she will get.

[LeveeWoman]

ewww, how creepy.

I think her age is not relevant (only the fact that she is considerably older than your dh). i think that the outfit she wore is not relevant (whether it is or isn't appropriate for women over X years to dress like that). references to her "hormonal irrationality" suggested by Calypso are also irrelevant.

the fact is she is making the moves on a married man, she is being extremely disrespectful of a married couple, and - seriously? cat calling and wolf whistling? sorry, btu that is very very very wrong.

I agree with PPs who say that you (dh) needs to tell her to stop, now. and then you need to take this up the chain. document document because you never know when/how crazy she will get.

Other than the age issue, her attire IS relevant because it showed she was trying to come on to him.