Apologizing for social consequences

[SPuck]

So I was reading Dear Prudence today, and I was wondering, do you have to apologize for other people's negative reactions if someone commits a social faux pass as presented in the Mother Spoiled Engagement Surprise letter?

[NyaChan]

I wouldn't apologize, but if I'd already addressed the issue with the offender, I'd tell people that it was between me and the offender and that as far as I was concerned, the situation was resolved.

[doodlemor]

I would tell people that "mom goofed, but I did have a good idea that this was coming."

Mom did goof, big time, but I do think that it is rude for other family, etc. to chastise her about it.

[Luci]

Q.While it came as no surprise to me,...............
A:I'm assuming the proposal didn't come as a total shock and that you two had had conversations along the way that you wanted to spend your lives together

Looks as if even Pru doesn't read her letters carefully! Maybe the last part of the sentence in the answer could be said, but not the first.

I would tell people that "mom goofed, but I did have a good idea that this was coming."

Mom did goof, big time, but I do think that it is rude for other family, etc. to chastise her about it.

Agreed.

[O'Dell]

How are people hearing the story? The person telling people about mom's goof should stop. If it's the daughter, then she should apologize for spreading it.

Sometimes you apologize for things you aren't at fault for. When you want to express sympathy, for example. Here I think the daughter would be doing that plus expressing that she felt bad that mom was being chastised on *her behalf*. Hence, Prudie's advice that the daughter tell others to knock it off.

[Sharnita]

O'Dell, I wondered that, too.  If dd has been telling on mom then she needs to stop.