Dawn wedding + evening reception... is this unusual? #37, #67 She went =)

[hobish]

OP here.

As far as I know, friend is still going to the wedding , she was just filling me in on the horrors that await her. I'll check back in with her if there is any feedback on it (it's sometime in the next few weeks, I'm a little fuzzy on the dates, think it was weekend before christmas).

Please do update. I really hope it is nicer than it sounds. Maybe the sunrise wedding is something the couple fully understand not everyone will attend. Maybe they're cool with people showing up to the ceremony in pajamas. Maybe the remote location is somewhere really cool to hang about with nothing to do. It really does sound unusual but maybe it could be fun.

[sammycat]

The only word I can think of for this is "obnoxious".  I would not go, period.  It could be my best friend in the whole world (well no it couldn't because I could never be friends with let alone best friends with someone who would plan this), but lets say it was my brother or my parent - the answer would be "no".  Its obnoxious.  I would not sleep in dorms, I especially would not pay for the annoyance of sleeping in dorms.  I would not get up at 5:30 am - I certainly would not get up earlier then 5:30 to get dressed and done up! I would not go to a wedding before breakfast.  I would not give up an entire weekend essentially to have nothing to do.  I would not want to be out late in a remote location on a work night.  Just "no" to every single bit of this.

I agree!  This whole thing reeks of selfishness, self centredness, rudeness and being just plain annoying.  I loathe gaps between ceremony and receptions as it is, but this scenario takes the cake. 

As another poster pointed out, the guests will likely have to check out at noon or whatever, which means they wouldn't have access to their room for changing, showering etc later on.

There's no way I'd attend.

[cicero]

let's not forget the the OP's friend doesn't know the couple. it may very well be that this is something that would be OK for *their* guests.

see, personally, a 5.45 am wedding wouldn't bother me, as i'm up early anyway. i wouldn't be happy with the dorm accommodation but it could be that the other guests are OK with that. I don't think it's universally rude to hold this kind of event, if you know that your guests will be comfortable with it. Just like we can accept regional differences (e.g., potluck, dollar dances, money envelopes, etc), I think that sometimes there is a 'know your audience'. if the guests are all hardy, like to sleep in remote areas in dorm-type accommodation, and have done this type of all-weekend-long shindig, then i wouldn't say it's rude. i might not want to be there, but that's a different issue

[camlan]

So this couple wants the spectacular sunrise wedding (let's hope it's not a cloudy day) and the glamor of a formal evening reception?

Someone needed to tell them that while they can have anything they want for their wedding, they can't have everything they want. Combining all their "wants" has created a wedding day from h-e-double toothpicks for their guests.

My ideal wedding would be a sunrise wedding, but I know my family and friends. I'd have to move it to about 10 am. And then I'd follow it immediately with a formal morning reception (yes, you can have a formal event in the morning), with a lovely wedding breakfast of waffles and strawberries and whipped cream and mimosas (well, brunch really, because of the time of day. I just want my waffles and strawberries). Think formal garden party. There'd be a chamber quartet playing the in background, everyone would be all dressed up in formal morning attire, we'd practice our best manners for a few hours. And then we'd all go home.

This happy couple is pretty much forcing the majority of their guests to give up two nights and a day, pay a lot of money for very basic accommodations and to spend an entire day focused on the wedding. Plus travel time. And lack of sleep from the early morning wedding and the evening reception.

Yes, you can do anything you like for your wedding. That doesn't mean you can ignore the comfort of your guests.

[Outdoor Girl]

How the heck are they having a dawn service at 5:45 am on December 23rd?  I can't think of anywhere on earth that the sun would be up at 5:45 am 2 days after the longest night of the year.

[greencat]

Southern hemisphere it's the shortest night of the year and the sun is coming up before five AM...
But if it's taking place in the US or UK or Canada or another Northern-hemisphere country, they probably want the guests seated and in place (shudder) and the ceremony to begin before the sun comes up so they can be saying their vows as it rises.

[Outdoor Girl]

Whoops - Northern hemisphere here.  Forgot there was a whole 'nother half of the earth.     And also got confused with the equinox when everybody gets 12 hours night and day.

[WolfWay]

Long weddings with sunset photos must be turning into a trend, as must keeping your guests hostage for the entire day. Different wedding to the one I mentioned in the OP, but same sort of obnoxious hostage taking of the guests.

A coworker was trapped at a 12 hour wedding yesterday. It started at 10am. The service was a Catholic service, but  mostly in a foreign language (this isn't by any means a [foreign language] speaking country and the vast majority of the people attending didn't speak [foreign language], so the sit/stand/kneel bits of the service had to rely on the officiating priest gesturing vigrously to indicate to the crowd when to do the appropriate actions, and very little of the service could be participated in by the guests who didn't speak [foreign language]). There were also looooong speaches in [foreign language] that only a tiny minority of the attendees understood.

Starters were served at 12. The mains came at 3pm. Dessert was served at 8pm. This was not a problem with the kitchen, this was how the entire dinner was planned by the happy couple to prevent people leaving until they'd had their sunset photos. Coworker finally got to leave at 10pm. 

[Talley]

If a wedding is planned to take 12 hours or so just because the HC wants to have a certain time of day to take photos, I would consider that weird. Although unless someone told me that this was the specific, stated reason, I might not even wonder about it.

In some places/cultures 12 hours for a wedding with ceremony, reception, dinner etc. would be considered perfectly normal and even expected. My own wedding went from 1 pm, when the ceremony started, to about 4 am the next day, when the DJ started packing up...  And yes, dinner went from around 7, when appetizers were served to around midnight, when we cut the cake. It was a six course meal, and between the courses there was dancing. And this was not the longest one I've been to - DH and I left the wedding of his best friend around 7 am, and the wedding ceremony had also started at 1 or 2 pm the previous day...

[WolfWay]

If a wedding is planned to take 12 hours or so just because the HC wants to have a certain time of day to take photos, I would consider that weird. Although unless someone told me that this was the specific, stated reason, I might not even wonder about it.

In some places/cultures 12 hours for a wedding with ceremony, reception, dinner etc. would be considered perfectly normal and even expected. My own wedding went from 1 pm, when the ceremony started, to about 4 am the next day, when the DJ started packing up...  And yes, dinner went from around 7, when appetizers were served to around midnight, when we cut the cake. It was a six course meal, and between the courses there was dancing. And this was not the longest one I've been to - DH and I left the wedding of his best friend around 7 am, and the wedding ceremony had also started at 1 or 2 pm the previous day...

I got more information from coworker: the wedding took place on the 12/12/12, and they also wanted a 12 hour wedding as well, even though it is NOT normal for either groom or bride's culture and they did not at any point tell the guests that they would be trapped there for 12 hours, and many of the guests have to work the next day as well.

[Talley]

If a wedding is planned to take 12 hours or so just because the HC wants to have a certain time of day to take photos, I would consider that weird. Although unless someone told me that this was the specific, stated reason, I might not even wonder about it.

In some places/cultures 12 hours for a wedding with ceremony, reception, dinner etc. would be considered perfectly normal and even expected. My own wedding went from 1 pm, when the ceremony started, to about 4 am the next day, when the DJ started packing up...  And yes, dinner went from around 7, when appetizers were served to around midnight, when we cut the cake. It was a six course meal, and between the courses there was dancing. And this was not the longest one I've been to - DH and I left the wedding of his best friend around 7 am, and the wedding ceremony had also started at 1 or 2 pm the previous day...

I got more information from coworker: the wedding took place on the 12/12/12, and they also wanted a 12 hour wedding as well, even though it is NOT normal for either groom or bride's culture and they did not at any point tell the guests that they would be trapped there for 12 hours, and many of the guests have to work the next day as well.

That's rather over-doing the 12/12 thing...  I suppose the 12 o'clock slot for the ceremony was already booked?  Having a 12-hour wedding for the sole purpose of it lasting 12 hours is strange, IMO.

[WillyNilly]

How were they trapped? Why not just get up, find the bride & groom, thank them & say "it was lovely" and go home? I wouldn't go to a Wednesday wedding, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't stay late thus ruining my Thursday - I'd already be looking at a killer day of extra work for having missed Wednesday!

[Corvid]

How were they trapped? Why not just get up, find the bride & groom, thank them & say "it was lovely" and go home? I wouldn't go to a Wednesday wedding, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't stay late thus ruining my Thursday - I'd already be looking at a killer day of extra work for having missed Wednesday!

Agreed.  I would participate only as much as I chose and if I found the set-up to be too inconvenient for a reason I didn't consider particularly valid, I might not participate at all.  I assume there aren't armed thugs kidnapping people and forcing them to attend and stay at these nuptials.

If people would quit going along with this kind of inconsiderate nonsense, bridal couples might start making different decisions.

[pinkyblue]

That's on par with the most elaborate wedding I went to (which happened to be a sibling's).  First, it was in Europe (we live in the U.S.), so there was a plane flight, time off work, and hotel reservations in a major city involved.  The wedding itself was at a castle at 10:00 a.m.  After that, we had to travel across the city for the wedding brunch (and wait a couple of hours for the couple to arrive after photo-taking).  At about 2:00 we were all cut loose and left to our own devices until 7:00 p.m., when we traveled to yet another location (a hotel with a top-floor restaurant) for the wedding dinner, cake-cutting, and dancing, etc., and were expected to remain until 4:00 a.m. when a breakfast was served. 

It was all beautiful, but it was exhausting and seemed to go on and on forever, and I confess I came away with the feeling that it was a huge show/circus designed to be as impressive and opulent as possible. 

If it hadn't been family, I wouldn't have attended.  And I couldn't have handled one of those marathon weddings starting at dawn, that's for sure!

[Shopaholic]

Long weddings with sunset photos must be turning into a trend, as must keeping your guests hostage for the entire day. Different wedding to the one I mentioned in the OP, but same sort of obnoxious hostage taking of the guests.

A coworker was trapped at a 12 hour wedding yesterday. It started at 10am. The service was a Catholic service, but  mostly in a foreign language (this isn't by any means a [foreign language] speaking country and the vast majority of the people attending didn't speak [foreign language], so the sit/stand/kneel bits of the service had to rely on the officiating priest gesturing vigrously to indicate to the crowd when to do the appropriate actions, and very little of the service could be participated in by the guests who didn't speak [foreign language]). There were also looooong speaches in [foreign language] that only a tiny minority of the attendees understood.

Starters were served at 12. The mains came at 3pm. Dessert was served at 8pm. This was not a problem with the kitchen, this was how the entire dinner was planned by the happy couple to prevent people leaving until they'd had their sunset photos. Coworker finally got to leave at 10pm. 

This is what I call an "I hate my guests" wedding.