General Etiquette > Family and Children

"Most offensive Thanksgiving dinner ever" letter

<< < (2/11) > >>

CaptainObvious:

--- Quote from: BarensMom on December 04, 2012, 09:51:07 AM ---Well, there's always "the branch doesn't fall far from the tree" argument.  The LW would have to decide based on her BF's behavior if he shares the same ugly opinions as his family. He could be on his best behavior right now because he is in medical school and/or trying to impress the LW.  Once he marries her/becomes a doctor, that veneer could slide right off.

Personally, it would make me take a giant leap back from the relationship and observe his interactions with others w/o the rose-colored glasses.

--- End quote ---

That is a bit of a leap, there are a lot of people who are not anything like their family, nor do they sudden;y transform after marriage.

Sharnita:
Do you apologize for the sins of others?  I mean, what does that accomplish?  They aren't regretful and they aren't going to try to change.  She already knows he isn't like that and he did warn her ahead of time.  I am not really sure what she means be that or what an apology from him would do. For me it would probably be pretty meaningless.  He isn't their parent so it isn't like he had any part in raising them - to look to him for apology or explanantion would likely make him more defensive.

Venus193:
My college buddy became a victim of reverse snobbery when he got married.  He could not tolerate his in-laws, most of whom were openly against higher education and some of whom were outright dishonest in ways that went way beyond social lies.  Early in his marriage he told me he hated spending any time with them.  I suggested that he do so on the things that need to be on the calendar (like Christmas and his MIL's birthday) out of respect for his wife.

I don't think he did and eventually his wife drifted away from him in ways beyond the normal stuff that couples fight about.  She served him with divorce papers at his office... on Valentine's Day.

GSNW:
If the boyfriend really understands how offensive and hateful his family is, why would he expose gf to that?  I would not be prepared for a lifetime of putting up with crude and vulgar behavior and the arguments that would result (especially since the boyfriend seemed mildly embarassed, which IMO is not a strong enough reaction).  A difficult family is one thing, hate and prejudice is quite another. 

wolfie:

--- Quote from: GSNW on December 04, 2012, 10:42:24 AM ---If the boyfriend really understands how offensive and hateful his family is, why would he expose gf to that?  I would not be prepared for a lifetime of putting up with crude and vulgar behavior and the arguments that would result (especially since the boyfriend seemed mildly embarassed, which IMO is not a strong enough reaction).  A difficult family is one thing, hate and prejudice is quite another.

--- End quote ---

Because they are his family and he has wonderful memories of them in other situations were race and sexuality never came up. It's really really hard to just drop your family when you have actual abuse against you - I can see why he just ignores it with a "well that is how they are". He is probably also hoping that it really isn't that bad... maybe they changed in the meantime...

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version