Question about gifting event tickets.

[SiotehCat]

My DS wants to attend a football game for his favorite college football team. Its going to be 6 hours away from "home" and I wont be able to accompany him. It is also at the end of December. I have two options for this.

Option #1-  DS would love for his dad to go with him and I know that his dad would love to go. He doesn't get to spend much time with his dad because of how far away we live. However, this is right in the middle of the holidays and his dad does have a wife and step kids. Is it reasonable to ask him to accompany DS? Can I ask him to pay for his own ticket?

Option #2- My brother would probably very much like to join DS. Its also his favorite team and where he went to college. In this case, I would be paying for both tickets. This has the potential to really hurt his dads feelings though.

I don't know how to go about this. Advice?

[Moray]

Is there any reason why you can't call your son's father and ask him? Just say "Hey, I was thinking about this gift for DS; would you be interested in getting a ticket and going with him, or should I arrange for him to go with his uncle?"

[NyaChan]

 I'm sorry, I can't remember how old your son is.  If he is old enough that it wouldn't be hard for him to hear that his dad can't go, I would have your son ask his dad to take him & then you offer to cover your son's ticket if you think it appropriate to offer.  If he is not old enough to handle that, I would call his father, explain that your son wants to see the game and that you know he'd love to see it with his dad.  Then ask if he thinks that'll be possible & offer to cover the cost of your son's ticket. 

[lowspark]

Can you give his dad the right of first refusal? Just tell him that you want to give your son a ticket, that you figure dad might want to go with him which would be ok with you, as long as he pays his own way, and that if he doesn't want to or can't go, then you'll arrange for your brother to go.

This gives Dad the option without forcing either situation on him.

[SiotehCat]

Is there any reason why you can't call your son's father and ask him? Just say "Hey, I was thinking about this gift for DS; would you be interested in getting a ticket and going with him, or should I arrange for him to go with his uncle?"

I have to be careful how I say it to him. If he can't/won't go, he might also decide that he doesn't want DS to go because it is interfering with their time together. Then he would guilt DS into also not wanting to go.

[NyaChan]

Is the game during time he would normally spend with his father?  If not, then how would it cut into his time with him? 

[Moray]

Is there any reason why you can't call your son's father and ask him? Just say "Hey, I was thinking about this gift for DS; would you be interested in getting a ticket and going with him, or should I arrange for him to go with his uncle?"

I have to be careful how I say it to him. If he can't/won't go, he might also decide that he doesn't want DS to go because it is interfering with their time together. Then he would guilt DS into also not wanting to go.

Oh, so you're trying to schedule something during his visitation? That does change things; it makes it all the more important for you to confer with his father.

[SiotehCat]

Is the game during time he would normally spend with his father?  If not, then how would it cut into his time with him?

Yeah, it is. We would be in the area for the holidays. That's the only time that DS gets to see his father.

[SiotehCat]

Is there any reason why you can't call your son's father and ask him? Just say "Hey, I was thinking about this gift for DS; would you be interested in getting a ticket and going with him, or should I arrange for him to go with his uncle?"

I have to be careful how I say it to him. If he can't/won't go, he might also decide that he doesn't want DS to go because it is interfering with their time together. Then he would guilt DS into also not wanting to go.

Oh, so you're trying to schedule something during his visitation? That does change things; it makes it all the more important for you to confer with his father.

Its not "visitation", its just time that they would normally be together. We are only going to be in the area for a week and a half this time. DS doesn't spend the whole time with his dad, but they would lose about a day and a half if DS went without him.

[bonyk]

How badly to you want DS to be able to go?  Is it worth paying for Dad's ticket?  If so, I would call up the dad and tell him that you are giving DS 2 tickets.  Would he like to be his chaperone or should you find someone else?

I think it would be better received if the ticket is free.

[Moray]

Ok, so you don't want to ask him. I think it's not very kind to take a large chunk of the time your son's father would have liked to spend with him, but you'd be the only judge as to if this works for you

So, I guess you don't ask him and just proceed with making plans for your son and his uncle.

[lowspark]

Ohhh. I didn't realize that. In that case, I'd say that Dad really does sort of have a say in whether son goes or not. So I'd probably present it to the dad something like this:
Son really wants to go see this game and it is during the time he will be with you. If you want to take him, I'll spring for his ticket.
You might even suggest that they can certainly make it a family (as in Dad's family) event if they want since you mentioned your concern that it might take time away from them.

Alternatively, I agree that if the son is old enough to handle it, he should do the asking. And he can say that he really wants to go to the game and that you've offered to pay for his ticket if dad can take him.

Now, if dad says no, he can't go, then you can bring up your brother. But really, I can kind of sympathize with dad that if he can't go, he'd rather son didn't go either since it would seriously cut down on his time with dad.

[JenJay]

It sounds like Dad does spend time with your son while you're in his area but it's not like you drop him off with Dad and that's their time. I do not think Dad gets to say "I don't want DS to go to the game." because the trip wouldn't cost him a day with son, he'd just see him a different day. (I'm assuming Dad hasn't already arranged to have that day off in anticipation of being with DS?)

I would purchase two tickets and let him know "Part of son's Christmas gift is two tickets to Game at Place on Date. I'm sure he'd love it if you were available to go with him, but if not my brother can take him. Talk it over with Wife and let me know." If you think he'll jerk you around you could add something like "If I haven't heard back from you by Date I'll arrange for Brother to take him."

[WillyNilly]

Honestly the normal etiquette of giving tickets, which we actually just discussed in a few recent threads, is that you always give 2 tickets so the recipient can take along someone. 

I get that this is your son's father, so the waters are muddied a bit, but considering your current situation with not knowing who to send along with your son I think you should default to the standard and buy your kid 2 tickets and then have your son call and invite his dad to come with him. Alternately you can have your son invite him before purchasing the tickets, if you think that would be less drama.  But either way if you can afford 2 tickets if your brother was going, you can afford 2 tickets if his father is going. 

The cost of the second ticket is the cost of giving your son tickets as a gift, who his guest is shouldn't affect that.

[Shoo]

How would your son feel about missing 1.5 days of seeing his father if it meant he got to see his team play? 

And I know you didn't bring this up, but I can't help but think that if it really means so much to your son's father that he spend time with his son -- to the point that you are worried about even asking him to miss 1.5 days with him -- then he would make it a point to see him at other times during the year, and not just once a year during the holidays.  I, personally, wouldn't give it another thought and I'd ask him if he would buy a ticket so he could take his son to the game.  If he declines, I would not hesitate to say well, then I guess he'll go with my brother.