Question about gifting event tickets.

[SiotehCat]

How would your son feel about missing 1.5 days of seeing his father if it meant he got to see his team play? 

And I know you didn't bring this up, but I can't help but think that if it really means so much to your son's father that he spend time with his son -- to the point that you are worried about even asking him to miss 1.5 days with him -- then he would make it a point to see him at other times during the year, and not just once a year during the holidays.  I, personally, wouldn't give it another thought and I'd ask him if he would buy a ticket so he could take his son to the game.  If he declines, I would not hesitate to say well, then I guess he'll go with my brother.

Oh, I'm sorry but I didn't explain it properly. He sees him twice a year because we to down twice a year. During the holidays and during the summer. During the summer, I stay for the first half. DS then stays for the rest of the break and I fly him back when its over.

[SiotehCat]

I do have a kinda update.

I texted DS's father(Big M) and asked him if he liked The Football Team. He said that DS had told him about them. I told him that DS wants to go to the game on the 29th and that I would pay for DS's ticket if he wanted to take him. I told him that he could get back to me because , obviously, he needs to talk to his wife about it. He sounded really excited about it.

Then... he sent a weird text saying that he is really going to try, but his wife might not be up for it because she has problems with me.

I told him that he must be confused and that I would not be going. If I could take DS myself, why would I need Big M?

He said that yeah, he really misunderstood. He thought the three of us would go together. I told him that if he couldn't take DS to let me know. He is going to text me later tonight or tomorrow morning.

After that conversation, I'm not sure I even want to deal with Big M anymore. I am going to look football games in my area and see if DS is interested.

[NyaChan]

Isn't that good though?  He wants to go to the game with your son and he probably needs the time to explain to his wife what the actual situation was.  Unless you think there is something else going on?

[sparksals]

I don't get the problem either.  He is going to check with his wife and get back to you.  Give him a chance to respond.

Besides, wouldn't it be rude to change the plans unilaterally after he is expecting your son to be visiting him?  I don't think that is too fair to your son's father.

[DavidH]

It sounds like a good solution, I'm not sure why the conversation put you off the whole idea.  It seems like a simple misunderstanding

Why not just wait for his answer and then if he declines see if your brother wants to go?

[NyaChan]

Maybe in the meantime you can confirm with your son that he'd want to go to the game even if it meant missing out on time with his dad (just in case) and talk to your brother about helping out if DS' father doesn't come through.

[SiotehCat]

It sounds like a good solution, I'm not sure why the conversation put you off the whole idea.  It seems like a simple misunderstanding

Why not just wait for his answer and then if he declines see if your brother wants to go?

The reason for the excitement is because he thought the three of us would be going. Its not so exciting now.

Big M has issues with us not being together.

I'm looking into other games now so that I can tell Big M to forget about it.

[NyaChan]

Ohhhh ok, yeah, thaaaats awkward. 

[JenJay]

Hold up on canceling the whole thing. This gift was for your son, right? Because he loves this team. If his dad wants to turn it into a pity-party because you won't be playing Happy Family then cut him out of the equation and let your brother take DS. If you cancel everything Big M has managed to control the (now lack of) event with his drama.

Wait and see what happens. He'll either write back "Okay, I'd love to take him. I'll get my ticket." or "On second thought I can't make it. Blah, blah, blah, whine, drama..." in which case you say "Okay, I'll let Brother know so he can make arrangements to take Son."

[miranova]

I would also wait and see what his response is before you cancel the idea entirely.  If he says "cool I'll take him" then no harm no foul.  What he WANTS (in terms of having you there) doesn't matter, he isn't getting it either way so who cares.   If he says he will take DS, great, if not, then you can look into having your brother take him or whatever.  Either way you are not going with him so why not wait and see what happens?

[miranova]

Oh and also....if I was his wife I'd probably also have a problem with my husband going to a day and a half event with his ex and their child together...especially if there were any lingering feelings on either side.  So I can't blame her for that one!

[Sharnita]

I think it would be incredibly rude to withdraw the opportunity now that you've offered it.  Nothing wrong with getting a ticket for a game around you if he declines but you shouldn't slma a door you opened.

[bopper]

You have negative feelings toward your son's father so I think that is messing things up a bit.

Whatever you feel about your ex, he is still your son's father and you could say that part of the gift is time with his Dad possibly.  At this point you could text him and say "I need a go/no go by Dec 6th on the tickets".   Then when he says yes or no, you proceed thusly.  I am sure it is difficult, but if this is somethign you want to do for your son then you need to keep the OP/Ex relationship out of the equation.

[Fleur]

I am a little confused: are you saying that Big M wanted you to go as well, or that he didn't? And if he did, is it that that his wife has a problem with. I must say, if that is so then I think that you are in a tough spot and I don't blame you for withdrawing the offer, although to do so might seem a bit hard on your son. If I am understanding this right, I don't think M comes off all that well.

[Winterlight]

I think if you made the offer to your son then it would be unkind to withdraw it. I'd play dumb and pretend I didn't notice Big M's attitude. If he does the drama whine, I'd send son with my brother.