Question about gifting event tickets.

[TurtleDove]

I don't know the exact dynamics of your relationship with Big M, but I do things with my DD's father and DD (so, just the three of us) relatively often because DD enjoys it - things like going trick or treating or out for pizza after a school conference or to Disney Princesses on Ice.  I am in a serious relationship.  I suppose there are unresolved issues between her father and me, but we do these things for no reason other than it makes our DD happy and that way she doesn't have to choose which parent to experience something with.  My SO, who also has children, encourages these outings because he understands it is not about me and my ex - it is for the joy of our daughter, who my SO cares about also.

I am not saying the OP should go to the game (and I know that's not an option anyway) but I would NOT assume Big M wanted to go to the game as some sort of date with the OP.  It could very well be he wanted to enjoy something as parents of DS.  It's not the same thing.

Edited because I forgot the word NOT which totally changes the point of my post!

[JenJay]

I think there is a history of Big M making it clear he'd like to reconcile with Sio if she were willing and I recall an older thread where he had even gone so far as to refuse to acknowledge her DH exists and insist her DH not be present at any function that Big M attends. I can see why the assumption that the 3 of them would go together would be an issue for Sio and Mrs. BigM.

[TurtleDove]

I didn't know that backstory, but isn't Big M remarried?

[Harriet Jones]

I didn't know that backstory, but isn't Big M remarried?

Sio mentions upthread that  Big M has a wife.

[TurtleDove]

I didn't know that backstory, but isn't Big M remarried?

Sio mentions upthread that  Big M has a wife.

Right, so he has moved on, right?

[NyaChan]

Apparently not.   

[TurtleDove]

Apparently not.   

I guess from that text exchange I don't know that is clear, unless he has very recently made it clear he wants Sio back.  I understood that when they first split he wanted her back, but time has passed and now they have both moved on.  The text exchange seemed more like a misunderstanding than some sort of overature for an extramarital affair.  I mean, the DS would not have to be there for that.

[Sharnita]

Apparently not.   

I didn't get that at all.  It soundsed like he was unclear on the intent from the invitation.  He mentioned the invite to his wife and was willing to decline if she really felt strongly that he shouldn't go, despite his excitement about going to a big game with his son.  OP's being there very well could have been incidental in his eyes.  Once it became clear she wouldn't be a fly in the ointment he was ready to go back to his wife for a more enthusiastic response.

[Mikayla]

Apparently not.   

I guess from that text exchange I don't know that is clear, unless he has very recently made it clear he wants Sio back.  I understood that when they first split he wanted her back, but time has passed and now they have both moved on.  The text exchange seemed more like a misunderstanding than some sort of overature for an extramarital affair.  I mean, the DS would not have to be there for that.

In Post 19, Sio says: The reason for the excitement is because he thought the three of us would be going. Its not so exciting now.

Big M has issues with us not being together.


I took this to mean he thought it would be some sort of reunion and his wife is just collateral damage of some sort.

I do agree with those saying that Sio shouldn't rescind DS's tickets if her son wants to go.  Maybe in the future with anything involving his dad, it should be worked through completely before her DS becomes aware of it.

[Sharnita]

I think Op might be assuming a bit too much there to be honest.  Both the cuase of the initial excitement and the perception that excitement has waned.  This communication is beign done long distance.  It seems possible that something might hve been misread/misheard.

[Zilla]

I think there is a history of Big M making it clear he'd like to reconcile with Sio if she were willing and I recall an older thread where he had even gone so far as to refuse to acknowledge her DH exists and insist her DH not be present at any function that Big M attends. I can see why the assumption that the 3 of them would go together would be an issue for Sio and Mrs. BigM.

Knowing this, it still doesn't change.  Now that she clarified that with him over the text, I would simply wait for his response.  If he says yes he will take your son.  Then text back that you will purchase son's ticket and make arrangements on him buying his own.  If he says no, then say that your brother will take him instead.  If he doesn't reply, OP, then wait another day and text that you will ask your brother to take him instead.  Then purchase the tickets for your son and brother to attend.
 

[Sharnita]

And if he really has lost his excitement he will say no and then the problem is solved anyway, right?

[SiotehCat]

Apparently not.   

I guess from that text exchange I don't know that is clear, unless he has very recently made it clear he wants Sio back.  I understood that when they first split he wanted her back, but time has passed and now they have both moved on.  The text exchange seemed more like a misunderstanding than some sort of overature for an extramarital affair.  I mean, the DS would not have to be there for that.

In Post 19, Sio says: The reason for the excitement is because he thought the three of us would be going. Its not so exciting now.

Big M has issues with us not being together.


I took this to mean he thought it would be some sort of reunion and his wife is just collateral damage of some sort.

I do agree with those saying that Sio shouldn't rescind DS's tickets if her son wants to go.  Maybe in the future with anything involving his dad, it should be worked through completely before her DS becomes aware of it.

I used to have no problem doing things with Big M and DS. We did plenty of things together. DH never cared, but I always suspected that Big M was hiding it from his wife. Summer of 2011, Big M managed to really upset me. I haven't accepted any invitations to do things with him and DS since.

He doesn't normally bother me unless I am in town. Then he gets drunk and texts me things that he shouldn't. His wife has found these messages before.

DS isn't really aware of anything yet. He told me about the game and said how much he would like to go. We talked a little bit about who he would go with. I don't think that DS even realized that I was serious about making this happen.

[SiotehCat]

I think there is a history of Big M making it clear he'd like to reconcile with Sio if she were willing and I recall an older thread where he had even gone so far as to refuse to acknowledge her DH exists and insist her DH not be present at any function that Big M attends. I can see why the assumption that the 3 of them would go together would be an issue for Sio and Mrs. BigM.

Knowing this, it still doesn't change.  Now that she clarified that with him over the text, I would simply wait for his response.  If he says yes he will take your son.  Then text back that you will purchase son's ticket and make arrangements on him buying his own.  If he says no, then say that your brother will take him instead. If he doesn't reply, OP, then wait another day and text that you will ask your brother to take him instead.  Then purchase the tickets for your son and brother to attend.

The bolded is pretty much what happened.

He messaged me once today, but didn't mention the football game.

[Winterlight]

Given this, I'd set things up for my brother to take him. My sympathies- your ex sounds like a treat. /sarcasm