General Etiquette > Family and Children

Holidays and spending time with non-related family

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nuit93:
With Christmas coming up, the BF and I have decided to adjust our plans from the usual.  Typically we spend Christmas Eve with my extended family (anywhere from 20-35 people depending on who shows, who brings a friend/coworker/neighbor/etc., it's pretty casual and fun), and Christmas Day with the immediate family (opening gifts and having a small brunch with anywhere from 4-8 of us).

This year we've been planning on spending the 25th with our other partners and possibly some other close friends, all of whom we do consider close family to us.  I know it's typical for, say, married couples to alternate holidays with one partners' family one year and the other partner on the off years.  This is what my sister and her husband do, since both our parents and his live locally (my BF's family is out of state).  Among the family, it's just accepted that that is what happens when you're married--"custody" of holidays is shared and to my understanding this is considered acceptable etiquette.

What I'm not clear on is, what is the etiquette when doing holiday "who gets what holiday" when dealing with non-relatives or non-traditional relationships?

SPuck:
There is no etiquette rule that says you have to spend holidays with certain people. You get to do whatever you want though if you want to be polite you could inform the people that you usually see that you won't be seeing them for the holiday.

Sharnita:
I think there are a vast number of things to consider.  For example, do some of the people you might want to spend time with have really young kids? It might be easier to go to them than for them to roust the kids and go to some other location.  It might be fun to see the kids on CHristmas morning but other adults on New Years. If there is somebody who has health issues is it easier to visist them or would it be better to host so they don't have that burden?  Do some people in your family or family of choice like to host?  Are others stressed by it? Would even a short trip on winter roads make some of the people you want to see nervous?

All of these things might be taken into consideration as you make your plans and decisions.  I think there will eventually be "rules" and patterns that emerge for you, your family friends, etc. but circumstances will do a lot to direct those.

nuit93:

--- Quote from: Sharnita on December 04, 2012, 11:17:43 PM ---I think there are a vast number of things to consider.  For example, do some of the people you might want to spend time with have really young kids? It might be easier to go to them than for them to roust the kids and go to some other location.  It might be fun to see the kids on CHristmas morning but other adults on New Years. If there is somebody who has health issues is it easier to visist them or would it be better to host so they don't have that burden?  Do some people in your family or family of choice like to host?  Are others stressed by it? Would even a short trip on winter roads make some of the people you want to see nervous?

All of these things might be taken into consideration as you make your plans and decisions.  I think there will eventually be "rules" and patterns that emerge for you, your family friends, etc. but circumstances will do a lot to direct those.

--- End quote ---

No kids, no health issues.  We're in the Pacific Northwest so winter roads are rarely an issue.

Auntie Mame:
The best holidays I have ever had have been with friends.  I simply told my family I had other plans and enjoyed my day. 

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