General Etiquette > Family and Children

Holidays and spending time with non-related family

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Tea Drinker:

--- Quote from: nuit93 on December 05, 2012, 12:57:29 PM ---
--- Quote from: bopper on December 05, 2012, 11:03:32 AM ---
Is your immediate family aware of your nontraditional relationships? Could you invite your immediate family to join you all for brunch etc?

--- End quote ---

Nope, hopefully next year we'll have that discussion but it wasn't one I intended to have right before the holidays. 

We live really close to my immediate family--a ten minute drive, fifteen if there's traffic.

--- End quote ---

This makes sense, and in fact I came back to this thread to suggest not combining the two conversations, of "no, we're not coming to see you for Christmas" and telling them about your nontraditional relationships. It avoids possibly having two arguments at once, or having your family of origin blame your other partners for "taking you away from them."

nuit93:

--- Quote from: Tea Drinker on December 05, 2012, 04:56:56 PM ---
--- Quote from: nuit93 on December 05, 2012, 12:57:29 PM ---
--- Quote from: bopper on December 05, 2012, 11:03:32 AM ---
Is your immediate family aware of your nontraditional relationships? Could you invite your immediate family to join you all for brunch etc?

--- End quote ---

Nope, hopefully next year we'll have that discussion but it wasn't one I intended to have right before the holidays. 

We live really close to my immediate family--a ten minute drive, fifteen if there's traffic.

--- End quote ---

This makes sense, and in fact I came back to this thread to suggest not combining the two conversations, of "no, we're not coming to see you for Christmas" and telling them about your nontraditional relationships. It avoids possibly having two arguments at once, or having your family of origin blame your other partners for "taking you away from them."

--- End quote ---

Oh, believe me, that was the last thing I had on my mind.  It's a conversation that will need to happen eventually* but major holidays are not the time for that.  We will be bringing them to the large family gathering on the 24th (as 'friends', other relatives do this all the time with neighbors or friends of theirs).  This way the conversation can at least start with "hey, do you remember those friends of ours that came to the gathering?".

*BF and I have discussed at length the possibilty of living with our other partners instead of each other. 

Sterling:
I would just nicely tell your family that this year you have made plans to do something slightly different.  If you have time try and arrange a time to visit with them before or after the holiday but just be polite and firm that this year you have plans but you will miss them dearly.

Unless you have family that takes EVERYTHING personally they should be ok.  I won't say they won't be disappointed but as family members grow up and relationships evolve most adults are able to understand that traditions can't always stay the same.

And definitely wait on the other conversation until after the holidays.  No sense confusing people right before a big family event.

Hmmmmm:
I don't believe the nature of your relationship with these friends plays a part in your decision on where to spend Christmas Day.  All you need to do is convey that you will be attending the Xmas Eve celebration but you've decided to accept a different invitation for Xmas Day. 

Your immediate family will miss having you in attendance but as we've seen on this board, even you if were spending it with a spouse's family they could be just as hurt. 

Deetee:

--- Quote from: Hmmmmm on December 06, 2012, 05:32:23 PM ---I don't believe the nature of your relationship with these friends plays a part in your decision on where to spend Christmas Day.  All you need to do is convey that you will be attending the Xmas Eve celebration but you've decided to accept a different invitation for Xmas Day. 

Your immediate family will miss having you in attendance but as we've seen on this board, even you if were spending it with a spouse's family they could be just as hurt.

--- End quote ---

This. When I read the OP I missed that there was any aspect of non-traditional relationship and I just thought that you spend Christmas where you want (and I think about half of the holiday related anguish on this board would disapear if people just did that).

How and if you relate anything else to your family is entirely seperate and can be dealt iwth seperately.

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