General Etiquette > Family and Children

Holidays and spending time with non-related family

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bopper:
How far away are you from the usual locations?

Do you see the immediate family on Xmas eve as well?

If so, then you could just say that this year (which may turn into forever, or alternating years) you are going to see immediate family on Xmas eve but are going to stay at home on Xmas.  You could exchange gifts with them on Xmas eve or meet up with them another day.

Is your immediate family aware of your nontraditional relationships? Could you invite your immediate family to join you all for brunch etc?

Tea Drinker:
I think the only absolute rule is to explain calmly and politely, in the same way as you would say "no, we're not coming to your town for the holiday, we're staying home with just our kids." Explain as much or as little as you feel appropriate: "we're going to be spending Christmas with our friends Opal and Jet" is fine if you'd rather not make clear that they're more than just friends.

At this point, it's understood that my husband and I spend Thanksgiving with my girlfriend. Depending on who we're talking to, we may make clear--or have made clear in the past--that she's my partner, or not. My mother knows, at the same level of detail that she knows about my personal life with my husband (so nothing that couldn't be comfortably discussed on the bus, but she knows that it's a committed relationship. My girlfriend's mother just knows that she and I are good friends and that my husband and I spend the holiday with her, because that's what she's comfortable sharing.

nuit93:

--- Quote from: bopper on December 05, 2012, 11:03:32 AM ---How far away are you from the usual locations?

Do you see the immediate family on Xmas eve as well?

If so, then you could just say that this year (which may turn into forever, or alternating years) you are going to see immediate family on Xmas eve but are going to stay at home on Xmas.  You could exchange gifts with them on Xmas eve or meet up with them another day.

Is your immediate family aware of your nontraditional relationships? Could you invite your immediate family to join you all for brunch etc?

--- End quote ---

Nope, hopefully next year we'll have that discussion but it wasn't one I intended to have right before the holidays. 

We live really close to my immediate family--a ten minute drive, fifteen if there's traffic.

MrTango:

--- Quote from: nuit93 on December 04, 2012, 09:39:56 PM ---What I'm not clear on is, what is the etiquette when doing holiday "who gets what holiday" when dealing with non-relatives or non-traditional relationships?

--- End quote ---

My thought is that, no matter what structure your relationships take, you get the holiday to decide with whom you want to spend it.

Mikayla:

--- Quote from: MrTango on December 05, 2012, 01:48:03 PM ---
--- Quote from: nuit93 on December 04, 2012, 09:39:56 PM ---What I'm not clear on is, what is the etiquette when doing holiday "who gets what holiday" when dealing with non-relatives or non-traditional relationships?

--- End quote ---

My thought is that, no matter what structure your relationships take, you get the holiday to decide with whom you want to spend it.

--- End quote ---

I like this, and I don't think non-traditional relationships are a factor either way.  My family is very cool with all of this, and we have an unspoken rule that nobody ever challenges someone else's plans. 

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