General Etiquette > Family and Children

To avoid or not to avoid Xmas Eve get together?

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despedina:
My 15 yo daughter came to me last night to tell me that SIL had PM'd her through FB to ask what she wanted for xmas.  I told her just not to respond. Not sure if SIL is dense or what????  I question whether BIL1 has even told her we won't be seeing them. DH wanted to respond but I just told him I'm not sure what anyone could say at this point to her to make any difference.
I'm not happy that she bypassed DH and I to ask DD but again I have to look at who I'm dealing with here.

CharlieBraun:
I think it's time to block FB as well.  Your SIL may or may not know what is going on, but I give 6/3 & even odds that she does, and this is an attempt to subvert your authority and for that family to, as one used to say, "give themselves airs."

MamaMootz:
POD Charlie Braun - why is your DD even FB friends with her at this point. She needs to block that whole side of the family, as do both of you.

Danika:
Your SIL is what we would call a "flying monkey." Like Wizard of Oz, the witch has flying monkeys who do her bidding. BIL1 couldn't get what he wanted. Suddenly, SIL is being sent by him to accomplish his goal. I would ignore her, as you intended to do.

TootsNYC:

--- Quote from: despedina on December 07, 2012, 07:53:54 PM --- DH has not yet told her that we cannot be there at her house at the same time as BIL1. I've explained that he needs to do this soon, so she has time to plan and get used to the idea. She tears up everytime he talks to her about BIL1 so he's finding it difficult.  It may sound terrible, but I'm starting to wonder about her tearing up every time my DH tries to talk about the issue with her.  Seems like just a way to shut DH down.

--- End quote ---


Or maybe she just finds it upsetting. Maybe there needs to be a lot less talking and a lot more just plain doing when the time for it eventually comes.

"Sitting down and talking about" emotionally painful situations isn't always the best way to handle it. Your DH just needs to calmly state when you're going to be over:
"Mom, as you know I've decided that it's best to avoid Brother1 right now. So we'd like to come over to see you at X hours. Are you available then for us to visit?"

And then stop talking about it.

Just *live* with. So people can get used to it.

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