Author Topic: Expensive gifts for children OK?  (Read 4485 times)

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JenJay

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2012, 08:36:15 PM »

When asked what his children might appreciate as gifts this year, DH's brother responded with an email listing some very expensive gifts for the kids.


Who asked, and who was it sent too? If it's the same people, it's not as weird. If Grandma and Grandpa asked and they sent this to everyone that would be off.

DH's brother asked all of us how much we wanted to pitch in, saying that he and his wife would pitch in the rest.

This seems especially bad. Because it sounds like they asked people who might not have been planning on getting anything at all. I think they would have been fine giving a few ideas and then adding a big present that people could chip in on if they would prefer, but to have that the only option is awkward.

If they are into sports, it might also be possible to find books or other things related to those sports that would interest them.

The grandparents asked.

I am seriously considering writing back and asking what smaller gifts they might appreciate.

So the grandparents asked the parents what the grandkids might like for Christmas, and the parents responded by sending everyone the kids' wish lists with the very expensive items? Eesh! Double the awkward.  :-\

That's like when a random friend posts to their facebook or sends a group email "I know this is my fourth baby but everyone has been asking if I'm having a shower so I went ahead and made a registry. Here's the link!" Okay, you can't ask people to buy you stuff under the guise that they were probably going to ask if they could buy you stuff.  ::)

I think since you didn't request the wish list you're free to completely ignore it. If you're comfortable you could even reply with something like "We've budgeted $20-$30 (or whatever) per kiddo this year. Is there anything in that range they'd like or would a gift card toward Expensive Item be better?"

Lynn2000

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2012, 08:45:43 PM »
Since it was just the grandparents who asked, but the reply was sent to "everyone," I think that falls more on the rude side. You, personally, didn't ask; maybe you had your own ideas about what to get the kids, or weren't planning to get them anything, or whatever. I think it's established that it's rude to send gift ideas without being asked first, right? Of course, in general, there's always the possibility of a miscommunication or technological snafu--not sure if that's applicable here.

Beyond that, for me it also depends on how it was worded. I like DavidH's comments--that if they'd mentioned the kids were saving up for X from StoreA, so gift cards to StoreA would be appreciated--it would be more palatable. The wording as described by the OP (plus the fact that she didn't ask for the list in the first place) makes the parents seem rather presumptuous.

I think I would just get the kids whatever I'd been planning to get them before. Or, if I didn't have any ideas before, maybe something related to the list items, like a hockey-related book for the hockey player. Something I thought they'd like, but not something I felt was dictated to me.

My friend was just telling me how her 13-year-old niece's wish list had nothing on it less than $100. My friend had budgeted $25, so she just sent that as a gift card. But it left a bad taste in her mouth. Not that someone should put cheap junk on their list that they don't want, of course, but I think there's gracious ways to get the message out to people, and ungracious ways. Like if you know you only want expensive stuff, go the "saving up" route, which implies you're going to buy it anyway regardless, not that you're expecting someone to provide it for you.
~Lynn2000

katycoo

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2012, 08:55:02 PM »
I suspect that there are some smaller gifts that the kids would like, but that the parents want to give a few gifts, or perhaps some from Santa, which affects their ability to fund a larger gift entirely.

I think that the family going into get a larger gift is a fine idea, as long as its optional, and everyone who contributes gets their name on the card.
I actually like this idea.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2012, 09:15:40 PM »
As Katycoo indicated, who is going to be credited with giving the expensive gift?

If it's just the parents being credited, I definitely wouldn't contribute.

If it was just me being credited, (ie I chipped in $25, and the parents paid the remaining $175 or whatever) I would feel very uncomfortable. I'd feel like I was claiming the glory of giving an awesome, expensive gift under false pretences.

If everyone who contributes gets credited, and people can chip in however much (or little) they choose, I wouldn't have an issue with it.

cheyne

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #19 on: December 06, 2012, 10:30:11 PM »
The OP states that the aunts/uncles do not always give a gift to the nieces/nephews.  For BIL to put $300 gifts for 4 kids in an email seems rude and gimmie piggish to me.  I would ignore the email and do whatever I had planned on doing for the kids.  If I had planned on spending $25. per kid, or hadn't planned on buying them anything, that's what I would do.

If the kids want expensive sports equipment, it is up to their parents to buy it.  If grandparents requested a wish list, they can decide what they want to spend.  But to randomly request high dollar gifts from people who may not have planned to buy gifts at all is a bit over the top.

Mikayla

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2012, 02:29:56 PM »
I agree this is entitled on several levels.  Is it not ok anymore for parents to tell kids they can't afford something on their wish list? 

For everyone else, I think there's a lot of gray area between contributing to the expensive must-have vs a $25 gift a child would enjoy and use. 

rm247

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #21 on: December 11, 2012, 04:28:51 PM »
There are times where i've gone in with someone else to buy an expensive gift, such as a Laptop. However it was something i discussed with the other present buyer before suggesting it to the receiver, if she would rather have BIG present from both of us combined or if she'd rather we get her individual stuff. I've enevr been asked to chip in to a big present.

One question for the OP, how old are the kids? If they're 10+ then they would understand that "equipment" is a joint present from V,W,X,Y&Z If they're younger than that I'd be worried about the big expensive present being from "Santa"

bopper

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2012, 03:53:26 PM »
On the other hand, if Joey wants some skis, why not contribute toward the skis?  "Bro, this is the budget we have toward Joey's gift. Should I send that to you on behalf of Joey to pay for part of the skis?  Make sure to put our name on the gift tag."

wellisawstar

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #23 on: December 13, 2012, 11:47:23 AM »
There are times where i've gone in with someone else to buy an expensive gift, such as a Laptop. However it was something i discussed with the other present buyer before suggesting it to the receiver, if she would rather have BIG present from both of us combined or if she'd rather we get her individual stuff. I've enevr been asked to chip in to a big present.

One question for the OP, how old are the kids? If they're 10+ then they would understand that "equipment" is a joint present from V,W,X,Y&Z If they're younger than that I'd be worried about the big expensive present being from "Santa"

The kids are 16, 12 and 9.

DavidH

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Re: Expensive gifts for children OK?
« Reply #24 on: December 13, 2012, 02:47:39 PM »
I don't like the wording, but the idea seems good to me.  If the kids want a particular item, then receiving a number of small items they may or may not want isn't as useful to them as a contribution to the major item.  I don't think the idea is inherently rude, just the way it was asked.