How to say that I won't be babysitting anymore.

[Jules1980]

Hi all,
I've been babysitting for a friend for the past few months.  She does pay me, but I consider it more of a favor than a job since I wouldn't have done it for anyone else.  The money was just because she felt like she was taking advantage if she didn't.

However, I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and bigger than I was when I delivered DD.  I can't keep picking the baby up.  THey are 18 months and weighs as much as my DD that I was told to stop carrying last appointment.  I can barely lift them to the changing table and I can't change them on the floor because I can't get back up.  LOL.  Also, I'm just so tired.  I go to bed before 8 most nights.  I feel like my DD is getting short changed and she needs some time before the new baby comes.

I just need to know how to phrase this without JADE-ing or sounding whiny but not be rude at the same time.  Also, If I let her know this week, she'll have 3 weeks to find other arrangements due to the holidays so its not like I'll leave her high and dry for tomorrow morning.

I never say things right so I was hoping for some ideas.  Thanks in advance.

[Outdoor Girl]

I'd go with 'Doctor's Orders'. 

'Hey, friend.  Just wanted to let you know I can't babysit anymore after this week.  The doctor told me I'm not to lift DD anymore and your little (guy/girl) weighs the same.'

[Eden]

I agree with Outdoor Girl. This is a medical issue. You do not need to feel bad or cushion it. "Friend, my doctor has let me know I need to rest more and not lift things. I'm afraid that means that, after this week, I will no longer be able to babysit."

[Luci]

Yes. Just stick with the medical.

The other mom either doesn't remember or never had the exhaustion so won't understand it anyway. (I didn't get that way, but I've seen many who have, so you really have my sympathy!)

[Roe]

I'd go with 'Doctor's Orders'. 

'Hey, friend.  Just wanted to let you know I can't babysit anymore after this week.  The doctor told me I'm not to lift DD anymore and your little (guy/girl) weighs the same.'

Yep, very matter-of-fact.  Don't JADE. It's doctor's orders.  A true friend wouldn't dare think to question.

[cicero]

I'd go with 'Doctor's Orders'. 

'Hey, friend.  Just wanted to let you know I can't babysit anymore after this week.  The doctor told me I'm not to lift DD anymore and your little (guy/girl) weighs the same.'

this

the not-jadeing part would be if she starts "demanding" or asking or coming up "compromises"  that she thinks could work. if that happens (and here's hoping it won't), then you just need to lather-rinse-repeat. Smile, say sorry but I won't be able to baby sit after this week.

[bloo]

The only problem I see with 'doctor's orders' is what happens when OP gives birth? Jules, is your friend the type of person who will make plans for alternate babysitting temporarily, thinking that maybe six weeks or so after delivery you'll be ready to get 'back to work'?

I'd go with, "Hey Friend, I can no longer babysit. I need you to make other arrangements by such-and-such date. I've enjoyed your little ones but it will no longer be possible to watch them." 

If she's a close enough friend and you like her (which is what it sounds like - otherwise you wouldn't be doing her this favor) you can answer questions - such as the doctor has told you to stop lifting and you want to make sure your DD gets enough attention before and after the baby is born, but keep peppering the conversation with 'so this will no longer be possible, Friend.'

[Roe]

After baby is born, she won't have time to babysit.  (or at least, that's what she can say)

[BeagleMommy]

POD to saying "doctor's orders".  Very few people will challenge that.

[NyaChan]

I think you should have given her more notice - surely you knew as you approached your delivery date that you wouldn't be able to help her anymore.  Still, tell her as soon as you can.  "Friend, I'm sorry for the short notice, but I can't babysit for you anymore after Xday.  With my pregnancy, I simply can't manage it and my doctor has also ordered me to be resting/not lifting."

[Jules1980]

I miss counted the with the first post.  I'll keep the baby for two more weeks then she'll have 2 weeks off for Christmas vacation.  She won't need another babysitter until after the new year.  I was going to keep him till the end of January but I just don't see that being possible.  This fatigue and backache hit me out of nowhere.  I was great with my first pregnancy.  I was never tired or sick or anything and this time every minor thing that can happen in pregnancy has happened.

Also, as to keeping him after the baby is born, if I go full term I won't be able to lift 40 pounds for 12 weeks due to repeat c-section and she'll only have 2-3 more weeks until summer vacation.  SO even if I keep him after that, it won't be for that long.

[NyaChan]

Whoops, I am sorry Jules1980 - actually, I'm the one who misread your post, I didn't realize your were giving her 3 weeks notice (for some reason I thought it was only 1).  My bad!

[Roe]

Considering that friend is aware of the pregnancy, I'm surprised she hasn't stepped in to say "I have someone on backup, let me know when this no longer works for you."

[doodlemor]

I'm really, really concerned for you, Jules.  You need to watch over yourself.

I think that you need to speak with your doctor as soon as possible, and tell him exactly what activities and lifting the baby sitting involves.  You don't want to take any chances with your precious baby.

Your friend probably does have an idea of someone else who can take over, as PP have said.  If she is truly your friend she would never want to put you or your child in harm's way.

You aren't letting your friend down if you tell her "doctor's orders" won't permit you to continue.  It sounds like you have already gone above and beyond to help your friend. 

[LongtimeLurker]

I POD the doctor's orders.

Quite frankly, I would give her 1 week only, and that would be generous, because your health needs to come first.  In the meantime, whatever notice you give, do you have someone who can come in and help you for even a couple of hours each day to give you a break?