Author Topic: How to live next to a crabby neighbor  (Read 9709 times)

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Rusty

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #15 on: December 06, 2012, 06:38:28 PM »
I tlhink the pie and letter were a mistake.  It would have been better to approach them in person and explain your own circumstances without appearing to put the blame on them.  Something along lines of "I'm a bit of an insomniac and it takes me a while to get to sleep and then to be woken early means I'm suffering...".  Personally I would have looked a bit more closely at the rental property and taken some clues from what the Agent told you.

perpetua

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #16 on: December 06, 2012, 06:38:57 PM »
I agree with the previous posters. 6-6.30 is a perfectly normal time to be up, so I think you're being slightly unreasonable in expecting them to conform to your schedule, which is pretty late by most normal getting-up-for-work standards. I second the suggestions to move your bed into the other bedroom if it's bothering you.

Ohjustlovely

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #17 on: December 06, 2012, 07:11:47 PM »
I don't have any new constructive advice. Except seniors are known to be early risers. What noise you are hearing is probably an exercise machine that is knocking near the wall. Or somebody opening built-in drawers.

In any event, 6 am or so isn't unreasonable. Sorry for your problem. I guess have a programmable stereo play something soothing right before the neighbors wake you might help you.

Hijinks

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #18 on: December 06, 2012, 08:12:04 PM »
I'm trying to wrap my brain around the idea of someone refusing pie.  I ... just .. I can't.  I have no idea.

Is it possibile that they're just opening dresser drawers via getting dressed?

Regardless, if you can't afford soundproofing, perhaps you could set up a video camera on a timer and record their noise and then go play it for her. 

BarensMom

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #19 on: December 06, 2012, 08:16:15 PM »
If the landlord isn't willing to correct the sound problem, couldn't that be grounds to break the lease?


CakeEater

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #20 on: December 06, 2012, 09:03:46 PM »
I wouldn't eat anything left on my doorstep by someone I didn't know. I certainly wouldn't appreciate a criticism of my morning habits via note, and I'd view the pie as an attempt to 'butter me up'. 6am really isn't an unreasonable time to expect neighbours to be up and about. 4.30am - too early. 6am - not a problem.

My thought would be to try speaking to her again in person when she's had time to calm down.

Roe

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2012, 09:47:04 PM »
I see nothing wrong with being up at 6am.  I also see nothing wrong with staying up still midnight.  In other words, don't change your lifestyle to fit your neighbors needs.  You might resent them less if you just do things as you've always done them.  And if you can't stand waking up so early, the onus is on you to find a solution as 6am is pretty reasonable.

LeveeWoman

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #22 on: December 06, 2012, 09:55:01 PM »
If the landlord isn't willing to correct the sound problem, couldn't that be grounds to break the lease?

That's what I'm thinking but, Kitri and her husband have just gone through an expensive and difficult move.

mmswm

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #23 on: December 06, 2012, 10:01:08 PM »
The landlord telling me that he didn't get involved in tenant disputes would have been a huge, brightly lit, glowing, flashing red flag for me, and I would not have rented from him.  That said, you might want to consult a lawyer about the landlord/tenant laws in your state to determine what recourse you have in order to solve the issue of being unable to live peacefully in your home.  Every state/country is different (and I'm trying to to stray into legal territory), so a quick chat with somebody who's an expert might give you some ideas on how to get things resolved to your satisfaction.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #24 on: December 06, 2012, 10:11:27 PM »
DH gets up 2 hours earlier than I do and is a morning person.  He is up and at 'em, and finds morning the best time of the day to unload and load the dishwasher, take out the trash, and generally make a racket.  I have found that earplugs work wonders.

Emmy

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #25 on: December 07, 2012, 08:22:52 AM »
I think hindsight is 20/20 about the pie.  I can see why the OP thought it would be nicer than leaving just the note and did it with good intentions.  I can also see why the reference of 'moving furniture' would bother the woman.  It is very unlikely that she does that every morning.  I imagine that the noise is probably the shutting of doors and closing of drawers being done not so carefully.  I would look into soundproofing.  I would also be friendly to the woman and her husband and hopefully she won't be so crabby.  So sorry you got stuck with bad neighbors.

I was in my first night in a new place when I heard banging on the door at 4 in the morning.  The new place was a twin, but one section of the twin was divided into an upper and lower apartment.  I lived in the upper apartment.  I woke up and went downstairs and asked the person to identify themselves.  I had my phone in my hands, 911 dialed, and was ready to hit send.  When the person knocked several more times, I said 'identify yourself or I'm calling the police'.  The voice of an old lady identified herself as my downstairs neighbor so I opened the door.  She demanded to know what I was doing and why I was banging things around.  I told her I was asleep and her knocking woke me up.  Later my landlord called and mentioned the complaint.  I told them that I was sleeping, she woke me up, and I almost called the police.  Fortunately I didn't have any problems after that and she moved into an assisted living facility soon after (I heard she suffered from dementia).

camlan

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #26 on: December 07, 2012, 08:58:11 AM »
If the landlord isn't willing to correct the sound problem, couldn't that be grounds to break the lease?

Not in any rental I've ever lived in.

In most shared living situations, it's a given that you will hear noise from the other units. How much noise is the variable.

Not getting into legal advice, but the OP can check her lease and applicable state laws to see if there is a way to break the lease, but I doubt it.

Nor does the landlord have to provide soundproofing.

Most landlords hate noise problems between tenants because unless the landlord can be there when the sound is being made, it's pretty much a "he said/she said" situation. It can be very difficult to deal with. I've heard more than one landlord say that they keep completely out of noise issues because they haven't found any way to successfully deal with them, short of eviction.

Moving to the other bedroom sounds like the best solution. Yes, it's a hassle. But I think the only other thing that would work would be for the neighbors to change their bedroom and I doubt they would be willing to do that. Since the noise is apparently just their "daily living noise" and not music or TV, there's no way to ask them to turn it down. And just getting up early isn't grounds for a noise complaint.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn

DavidH

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #27 on: December 07, 2012, 11:55:29 AM »
I agree that this could have been handled differently from the start, but that's done now. 

I'd wait a week or so and then knock on their door or call and start by saying we seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot, can we start over.  If you get another rant, then give up.  If they are civil, then you can say that there seems to be some noise around 6 in the morning, what do they think it could be, and go from there. 

Personally, if I got a rant after a second, in person, visit, I'd make sure to be noisy right before bed, in the hopes they'd be tired in the morning and sleep in, but that is definitely not a recipe for harmony with your neighbors.


EMuir

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #28 on: December 07, 2012, 12:48:36 PM »
First, I wouldn't worry about changing your habits.  That will just make you resent them for restricting you.  Do what you want when you want, of course limiting excessive noise in the middle of the night.

Second, get a white noise generator, and hang some decorative quilts on the walls.   

Unfortunately, noise is part of living next to people.   

bah12

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Re: How to live next to a crabby neighbor
« Reply #29 on: December 07, 2012, 01:23:21 PM »
I agree that your first contact about the noise specifically should have been in person.  While I wouldn't throw away a perfectly good pie, or yell at a neighbor for leaving me a note, I would be put off a little by getting a note that hinted at an issue instead of a polite face to face conversation.

The noises, though, are a problem.  You rent a home with thin walls adjacent to a family that is on a very different time schedule than you.  And when living in multi-family homes there should be some consideration for other tenants.  I'm with you that neighbors should make an effort to be considerate with noise (as you have), but if the noises are everyday living noises (watching tv at a regular volume, conversations, etc) and at normal hourse for thise noises to occur, then I would say that the onus is on you to find some method that will help you sleep through them.  Whether it be soundproofing or working something out with your landlord.

I would agree that moving furniture at 5am is not normal.  But, I can also see where maybe an elderly couple wouldn't be moving furniture.  So maybe the noise is caused by something different.  And an elderly couple "yelling" could be them talking loudly because one or both of them are hard of hearing.  I'm not saying that it makes it ok for them to make these noises, but I am suggesting that perhaps they are not "evilly loud" and just don't realize how noisy they truly are.

Finally, I agree with PPs.  This isn't a dispute between tenants.  This is a noise issue that should be handled through your Landlord.  If landlords refuse to address the issue, then I suggest looking for another place to live (which I know is hard...).