Keep my head down and stay smiling...? Update #16

[hobish]

I need some advice on office etiqutte because i cannot remove myself from this situation.

Gish had an interview today with the company where I work. He made it clear in the phone interview with HR that his girlfriend works there.
His interview today was with people I worked with and really respect and like, but i haven't talked to in a while because our desks aren't near each other and our jobs no longer intersect. We're colleagues, not friends. I knew Gish's interview was with them, but there was no reason for me to go out of my way to be friendly or talk him up.

The HR bit is what has me antsy. The people i work with and who Gish would be working with know that i separate life and work. I don't know that HR knows that or what they would want to be sure of that? I should keep my head down about it and not volunteer to HR that we have no couplish-ness at work? No one has asked, and that surprises me.

My question is - should i introduce myself to the HR person? We've never met, but she knows my file or whatever...? I really do not know. Help?

[Sheila Take a Bow]

I wouldn't say anything unless HR comes to you. It's possible that they're not concerned about hiring someone who's in a relationship with someone who already works there, or it may be that the group interviewing Gish already knows your professionalism so is confident that your relationship wouldn't cause issues in the workplace.

[hobish]

That's what i am hoping. I know it will not be an issue from a business perspective on my level. The people we will be working with if Gish is hired have worked with us both. I'm just surprised and/or nervous no one has said anything to me, and i want to be prepared if they do.

[Sheila Take a Bow]

If I were in your shoes, I would just speak off-the-cuff if approached. I think I tend to sound less sincere when I sound rehearsed, so I would 't plan on what I'd say. (Of course, that may just be me.)

I think that as long as you're honest in your answers, then you'll be fine. But it really is possible that no one will ask you anything. If they already know you, they may already know your relationship is a nonissue in the office.

[Steve]

I agree that you should not say anything untill asked. Because if you do go to someone, you are showing them that you do take your relationship into the office. You would not go and speak to HR about every applicant they have, would you?

[O'Dell]

That's what i am hoping. I know it will not be an issue from a business perspective on my level. The people we will be working with if Gish is hired have worked with us both. I'm just surprised and/or nervous no one has said anything to me, and i want to be prepared if they do.

I suspect that no one is asking because they already know that it won't be an issue. Even if you've never stated your policy of separate work and personal lives, that sort of thing comes thru in your attitude. And I agree with Steve's point... *not* saying something is the way to demonstrate it won't be a problem.

If they do say something, say what you said here.

[camlan]

It's either an issue to have a couple in a relationship working in the same company. Or it's not.

The company has to play fair. Either couples can work there, or not. They can't make a special case for just one couple. That would be discrimination. So asking how a couple would handle the situation isn't necessary--because that's not the decision HR has to make. It's just not possible, assuming the OP is in the US, to allow Couple A to work at the company because they will handle their relationship discreetly, and not allow Couple B to work there because they might be less discreet.

So if Gish has told HR that his girlfriend is a current employee, then HR knows everything it needs to know. Either the company allows the relationship, or it does not. They don't need additional info from the OP because they already have all the facts that they need.

[hobish]

Thanks for talking me off the cliff. I'm so very buzzing with anticipation and hope and i kind of figured volunteering info wouldn't be smart, it's just hard to sit back and not do anything at all.

[amylouky]

I definitely wouldn't say anything.. to me, approaching HR (especially when it's people you know) for any reason would look like you're trying to point out that you know Gish and are trying to influence them to hire him.

[WonderWoman]

I have some personal experience here as my DH and I have worked for the same company. Very similarly, I already worked there when DH interviewed.

Definitely do not seek out anyone to talk about how you working with your SO wouldn't affect work, you're not couple-y, etc. Only if asked about it, volunteer some casual information about how you both separate personal and work life.

There was some concern from higher ups about having us both on staff. But I had a good reputation as being professional and drama-free and DH was an excellent fit so they gave it a shot. It has worked out great.

Our jobs don't intersect much. But if we find ourselves at a meeting together, we sit separately. We treat each other like co-workers. Definitely no kissy face, hugs, pet names, touching, etc.

In fact, unless they're told, most people have no idea we're married. It has led to some really funny conversations when people notice that he and I have photos of the same child in our offices.

Good luck - hope he gets the job!

[NyaChan]

I definitely wouldn't say anything.. to me, approaching HR (especially when it's people you know) for any reason would look like you're trying to point out that you know Gish and are trying to influence them to hire him.

This is what I was thinking as well.  No one has asked, so I wouldn't worry about it.

[gen xer]

I used to work with DH years ago....and I currently work in HR.  You have been straightforward and upfront from the start.  If there was any issue / concern it would have been HR's responsibility to have dealt with it at the time.
Personally I think it best not to plant ideas or sow the seeds of doubt in people's heads that may never have occurred to them in the first place.  If something comes up you will be able to deal with it as you sound like you are a professional and conscientous employee.
Good luck       

[hobish]

I have some personal experience here as my DH and I have worked for the same company. Very similarly, I already worked there when DH interviewed.

Definitely do not seek out anyone to talk about how you working with your SO wouldn't affect work, you're not couple-y, etc. Only if asked about it, volunteer some casual information about how you both separate personal and work life.

There was some concern from higher ups about having us both on staff. But I had a good reputation as being professional and drama-free and DH was an excellent fit so they gave it a shot. It has worked out great.

Our jobs don't intersect much. But if we find ourselves at a meeting together, we sit separately. We treat each other like co-workers. Definitely no kissy face, hugs, pet names, touching, etc.

In fact, unless they're told, most people have no idea we're married. It has led to some really funny conversations when people notice that he and I have photos of the same child in our offices.

Good luck - hope he gets the job!

I have worked with and work with people like you. There are at least three couples i can think of off the top of my head who i had no idea were married or what.

I have taken your collective advice and kept to myself as i usually do. I worked with and really respect the people with whom Gish had his interview; but i have not gone out of my way to talk to them.

[RebeccainGA]

My company (prior to the merger) was known as a 'family company' - in that many, many families started there. If you were single, folks would be on the lookout for your soulmate in a different department - I lost track of how many people there were married to someone else in the company, and there were even a couple of mom, dad, kid groups. (yes, it was a bit weird. It was Arkansas. Those things are normal there.... )

We merged, and now work for GiantCorp. We still have lots of folks that are newly married in the company. It's not an issue unless there's a direct supervisor/employee relationship - and the one of those I know of is going well.

[bah12]

I wouldn't expect that HR will contact you.  Like a PP said, office policies differ but either intra-company relationships are permitted or they are not.  If there are no rules against couples in the office, or if the position that Gish is applying for meets whatever couple criteria your company has (like no supervisory relationship or working in the same department), then they won't be asking you anything about your relationship.  Because it doesn't matter and making decisions based on what they "think" the couple will do vs. what the couple "actually" does is not wise.

Did him mentioning you in the interview come up from a question they asked?  If so, then he probably gave them all the info they need.  There's no reason for you to volunteer any more.