Playing "Guess who's telephoning!"

[veryfluffy]

Telephone rings. I answer: "Hello?"
Caller: Hi!!"
Me: "Yes, hello?"
Caller "Don't you know who this is?"

I have one particular friend, "Jane", who always does this, and others do it as well.  Jane doesn't have a terribly distinctive voice -- particularly not just with just the word "Hi". She's not a very close friend -- I see her maybe once a month, or someone who it would be a wonderful surprise to hear from, which might make it more justifiable to be asked to guess, perhaps.

It may be that she telephones most friends on mobile phones, which would normally show her name if it was programmed in, but she calls me on my landline. Mostly I do know that it is Jane calling, although I refuse to play the game when she does this every time. This evening when she rang and tried to play the guessing-game I just said, "Someone who doesn't like to identify themselves when they ring?"

 I really don't know what a polite response would be if someone insists on doing this.

[Judah]

I don't play. It would go something like this:

Telephone rings. I answer: "Hello?"
Caller: Hi!!"
Me: "Who is this?"
Caller "Don't you know who this is?"
Me: "Who is this?"

If they don't identify themselves, I hang up.  This game irritates me to no end and it's one of my pet peeves.

[bloo]

Telephone rings. I answer: "Hello?"
Caller: Hi!!"
Me: "Yes, hello?"
Caller "Don't you know who this is?"

I have one particular friend, "Jane", who always does this, and others do it as well.  Jane doesn't have a terribly distinctive voice -- particularly not just with just the word "Hi". She's not a very close friend -- I see her maybe once a month, or someone who it would be a wonderful surprise to hear from, which might make it more justifiable to be asked to guess, perhaps.

It may be that she telephones most friends on mobile phones, which would normally show her name if it was programmed in, but she calls me on my landline. Mostly I do know that it is Jane calling, although I refuse to play the game when she does this every time. This evening when she rang and tried to play the guessing-game I just said, "Someone who doesn't like to identify themselves when they ring?"

 I really don't know what a polite response would be if someone insists on doing this.

Once she asks, "Don't you know who this is?" I'd respond with "Jane?" and then when she says, "Oh so you finally recognize my voice!" I'd say, "Not really, but since you're the only person I talk to that doesn't identify herself, I'm assuming it's you."  She doesn't have to know that a few other rude persons do it too. In fact, call everyone that does this Jane and when you have to explain yourself (especially to men) maybe they'll start identifying themselves.

But seriously, I'd be annoyed with this. I'm so rankled with it that I take great pains to identify myself when calling someone so they don't have the discomfort of the 'guessing game'. Whenever I answer my DH's or son's cellphone, I always say -to the effect of- "This is DH's cellphone, Bloo speaking." I do this so that someone obviously trying to get a hold of my DH isn't thrown when a female voice answers.

I've been thinking that proper phone ettiquette is being slowly eroded. And it's a shame.

Just saw Judah's post. You rock. Seriously.

[rose red]

"Don't you know who this is?"

"No."

[NyaChan]

"No, I don't.  Who is this?"

[Outdoor Girl]

I usually just keep them talking for a few moments until I can figure out who it is.  My nephews are not good at identifying themselves on the phone but at least they don't intentionally make it a guessing game.  And none of my friends make it guessing game, either, at least not on purpose.

veryfluffy, I like your response for the first time or two Jane tries this.  Then it is time to be blunt, like Judah.  'Jane, I would really prefer you identify yourself by name when you call me.  If I have to ask 'Who is this?' more than once, I won't.  I'm just going to hang up.'

And stick to it.

My passionate hate for people not identifying themselves may come from my childhood.  My Mom was a homecare nurse and often had patients or her supervisor calling the house, since she didn't really have an office.  So I had to answer the phone, 'Smith residence, Outdoor Girl speaking.'  But nine times out of ten, people ignored my greeting and assumed I was my mother, anyway.     Although it was really amusing/insulting to be mistaken for my brother on more than one occasion.

[camlan]

"Don't you know who this is?"

"No."

This. It's not rude at all. You don't know who's calling.

Someone may chose to get upset that you did not recognize their voice, but that's their choice. I'm horrible with voices over the phone and I just tell people that. If they want me to know who is on the other end of the line, they have to tell me. Keep me guessing too long, and I'll hang up, because anyone who won't identify themselves clearly has no real wish to speak to me.

[Tea Drinker]

I would probably go to "I think you have the wrong number" (on the assumption that if they had the right number, the person they were calling would know who it was) or a snarky "No, don't you know who you are?"

But that's partly because I go through periodic rounds of

Me: Hello.
Them: Hello.
Me: Who is this?
Them: Hello?
Me: Who are you trying to reach?

Followed by either a click or "sorry, wrong number." The answer to "Who are you trying to reach?" is never me or my husband.

[BeagleMommy]

POD to saying "no" if they ask "Don't you know who this is?".  Unless I talk to you regularly, I'm not going to be able to recognize you by voice.

OP, does she do this if she has to leave a message?  Something like "Hi, call me back" without leaving her name?

[MrTango]

I don't play. It would go something like this:

Telephone rings. I answer: "Hello?"
Caller: Hi!!"
Me: "Who is this?"
Caller "Don't you know who this is?"
Me: "Who is this?"

If they don't identify themselves, I hang up.  This game irritates me to no end and it's one of my pet peeves.

I've gotten to the point where I only ask once who is calling.  Maybe it's too many political and telespamming calls (on my cell phone, which is also registered on the national Do Not Call list).

Me: Who's calling?
Them: *not identifying themselves*
Me: If you aren't going to properly identify yourself, I will not continue this call.  *click*

[Slartibartfast]

Yeah, I ended up with an extra bridesmaid at my wedding because of something exactly like this.  (Short version of the story: I had called my college roommate and left a message.  When I got a "Hi Slartibartfast!" call back an hour later, I assumed it was her and excitedly told her I was getting married and would she be my bridesmaid?  Turned out it was a friend from high school - we had always talked about being in each other's weddings, but we hadn't really kept in touch.  I did end up having both of them plus my sister as my bridesmaids, and it came out okay, but I had really only intended to have two!)

[sweetonsno]

It could be that because you are not saying, "Hello, this is veryfluffy," she assumes that you also know who she is. This probably comes from the fact that she is using her cell phone and is used to caller ID for all. I don't usually say, "Hello, this is sweetonsno" when I recognize the caller on my cell phone. I figure that they know who they are calling.

If you are pretty sure it's Jane calling, I suggest going with bloo's idea. If you aren't totally sure, I'd go for something along the lines of "Sorry, but I'm not sure. I don't have caller ID on my landline."

[CrazyDaffodilLady]

A former coworker was married to a woman whom I believe was mentally ill.  She called him so often at work that he stopped answering his cell phone and personal work number.  She started calling the group hotline, which may be answered by any one of a dozen people and is, of course, for work calls.  We get hundreds of calls daily. 

The hotline is answered “Hotline. This is [name]”.  Coworker’s wife would responds, “It’s me (sigh)”.  Then she’d launch into a litany of complaints about her health and her relationship with her husband, including her fear that he was being unfaithful.   

Eventually we did figure out who she was.  But seriously, who is so narcissistic that they expect a group of strangers to recognize them from an “it’s me”? 

[Surianne]

"No, I don't.  Who is this?"

This is what I do.  I don't recognize voices -- it's not a capacity I seem to have, to the point where I don't even recognize my mother's voice half the time.  Nothing wrong with just asking them who it is! 

[Adelaide]

"Don't you know who this is?"

"No."

I'd use this. My grandmother does the opposite. She'll call like this:

Me: "Hello?"
Her: "Hello, uh...Cheryl?"
Me: "Adelaide."

or

Me: "Hello?"
Her: "Hello, uh...Bob?"
Me: "No..."
Her: "Cheryl?"
Me: "No..."
Her: "Oh Adelaide, it's you."

The kicker is that we don't have a land line anymore-she has to call our specific cell phones to get one of us.