Author Topic: Who gets the family documents? Update post 71  (Read 10917 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Yvaine

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8713
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #30 on: December 08, 2012, 03:18:00 PM »
But fidn't Cuz2 also have a chance to say"I'd like a chance to see pictures and documents when he found out his mom would be moving out and his sister would bw ckeaning the house? Maybe offer money for shipping/copies/help?

From my reading of the thread, he both has a health issue and lives far away. He didn't just not help to be a grinch. Add in that the siblings don't communicate much, and we don't know how much warning of the move he got, either.

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21353
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #31 on: December 08, 2012, 04:25:49 PM »
I an talking about simpy saying "Please give me anything like documents or picturez". Since he was able to tell OP that despite distance and health issues I would think he coyld tell his sister.


Miss Unleaded

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1723
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #32 on: December 08, 2012, 04:29:46 PM »
Yes, the OP was able to get them so if they were that important to Cuz2 he could have done the same.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #33 on: December 08, 2012, 04:32:14 PM »

You have misinterpreted the situation quite a bit.  I'm offended at being told it would be mean of me to do something that I quite clearly have no intention of doing. It is indeed my decision to make as to which cousin gets the original documents for their family, and it's a sticky situation, which is why I posted here.

I have not pulled the "she gave it to me, so it isn't hers anymore" card.  I don't know where you got that idea.

My "place" is to sort through the boxes of documents, to sort and catalog them, and to pass them on to their rightful owners, which has to be determined by me.  It will take a huge amount of time, effort, and expense to do this, but I'm happy to do it because I consider the documents to be an invaluable treasure.

An, as has been pointed out, Aunt did not die. She's in a nursing home.


I'm sorry OP, but it is in no way your decision who these document belong to.  They belong to your aunt and since she is unable to make a decision in her current state, the decision of who gets them is up to her children (ETA:  or whoever is in charge or her possessions or legal decisions which isn't an etiquette issue).  That means that both your cousins should talk it out and decide where the documents will go, regardless of who you think owns them or will in your opinion make better use of them.  It is not your place to determine who the rightful owners are.

ETA: Your etiquette issue is how to respond to these requests from the cousins I think.  The best response is to politely say "I am happy to sort through these items and let you and your siblings know what is in here.  If you know who is in charge of decision-making for Aunt, please let me know, and I will speak to them about returning the documents to the rightful owner."
« Last Edit: December 08, 2012, 04:44:35 PM by NyaChan »

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21353
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #34 on: December 08, 2012, 04:41:35 PM »
Since Cuz1 is taking care of things does she have legal power of attorny or something?

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1219
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #35 on: December 08, 2012, 04:45:28 PM »
O.P. here.  How have I wound up being the bad guy?  I'm the person who cared enough about the documents to make an effort to rescue them (with gratitude to Cuz1 for sending them) and am the only person willing to sort through them.  Only a small portion of the 130 pounds of documents are for the cousins' separate family.  I do not want the cousins' family documents.  I want to turn them over to the right person, and the whole point of this thread was to determine who that is. 

At this point, I agree that it's probably best to let the cousins duke it out.  I will make an effort to make high quality copies (as much as possible) for the loser.

It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

DavidH

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1665
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #36 on: December 08, 2012, 04:59:00 PM »
If your aunt's mental state is adequate, I'd tell her you're interested in family history and would like to look through the documents, but also know that Cuz1 and Cuz2 would like them.  Had she thought about who she'd like to pass them on to when the time comes.  It's not a perfect representation of the situation as it stands now, but it would be one way of getting aunt's input without explicitly telling her that her home was cleaned out which it sounds like you don't' want to do. 

If you can't get her input, I think the idea of making copies so that everyone has access is the best solution, as far as that is practical.  For an odd sized document, a high quality digital picture can be a good option too, if scanning doesn't work.


CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1219
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #37 on: December 08, 2012, 05:12:45 PM »
The most valuable of the genealogical documents are over three feet wide and are in a bound volume.

I have been clearly instructed not to involve my aunt, a decision I agree with.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

Miss Unleaded

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1723
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #38 on: December 08, 2012, 05:23:53 PM »
...
I have been clearly instructed not to involve my aunt, a decision I agree with.

I don't think you're the bad guy.  But I do agree with everyone who said to let the siblings hash it out between themselves and not to get involved.  If you make a decision based on who you think will appreciate it more, likely someone is going to get their knickers in a bunch and they will probably blame you.

If I understand correctly, you are worried that Cuz1 will keep the documents or dispose of them instead of passing them onto Cuz2, correct?  Can you call Cuz2 and give him a rough idea of what documents there are and ask him to hash it out with CUz1?  That way you will put the decision back on those two and avoid getting involved.

Perhaps I am biased but I am thinking of my own family here.  Neither of my parents are particularly interested in genealogy but they do like to look at old photos and read old documents.  A year ago my grandfather died and one of my aunts took a bunch of papers (amongst other stuff).  My parents asked her to be allowed to scan some of the photos and take a look through what was there, and to my knowledge she won't let them.  It's a bit of a sore spot for my father because the only thing he wanted from the estate was copies of the family photos. 

Deetee

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5485
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #39 on: December 08, 2012, 06:03:55 PM »
You mentioned that some of the documents are odd shapes etc.. I just downloaded an app for my phone (camscanner) that was free that allows me to convert pictures to pdf as you photograph them.

edit: I know I gave only practical advice, but I think that after you are done with them, you could contact Cuz 2 and say "Hey, it turns out Cuz1 wants the documents back and as she is the one who gave to me, I think I should give them back to her. Sorry about that. But, I made scans of a bunch of stuff so did you want those?"

Or you could send all the scans to both Cuz1 and Cuz2 and send a joint email saying you are done with the documents for yourself and ask them to decide between themselves who you should send the documents too.

(I might have missed something, but it sounded like the documents in question are actually a small part of the overall 150 pounds)
« Last Edit: December 08, 2012, 07:06:53 PM by Deetee »

Shoo

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 16393
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #40 on: December 08, 2012, 07:00:19 PM »
I really don't see where you have any decision to make here.  Since Cuz1 is who gave them to you, that is who you should return them to.  And after you do that, call Cuz2 and tell him that you gave them to his sister, and he should get in touch with her if he decides he wants any of it. 


Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21353
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #41 on: December 08, 2012, 07:59:49 PM »
Some thoughts

Good people make mistakes.  Posters saying they believe you made a mistake is in no way making you " the bad guy".

That being said, I don't think you were heroic either.  You asked for something you wanted and in the middle of taking care of the house and her mom Cuz1 obliged by sending it to you.  Unless there were major details missing from all your posts, like Cuz1 announcing she intended to throw out all documents and photos I see no reason to claim you rescued them.  Rescued from what/whom? At the very least Cuz was a co-rescuer.

I do think you made a mistake in not offering what was left or of no use to you back to the person that went to the trouble and expense of providing them to you in the first place.  I do not think you were a/the bad guy.

dawbs

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4421
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #42 on: December 08, 2012, 11:05:11 PM »
Yes, the OP was able to get them so if they were that important to Cuz2 he could have done the same.

Not necessarily.
I would pass on, in a heartbeat, some of the originals of family paperwork I have inherited to Sis1 or cousins 2-8 (my grandma's recipes, etc)
I would not pass them on easily to sis 2 or cousins 1, 9-13, etc.

SpottedPony

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 106
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #43 on: December 09, 2012, 10:49:06 AM »
How about this, when you get all of your Aunt's stuff sorted out of what belongs to your family, make a detailed inventory of it, including what can and can not be scanned and copies made, and send a copy of the inventory to each of the cousins.  Ask them to thrash out who gets what, then you'll copy what can be copied, and send each what they aggreed that they want. 

Can these items be sorted as to their importance to a geneologist?  Then the documents most import to geneologist would go to cos2, and the rest to cos1, with their approval, of course. 

Good luck.

Spotted Pony

Minmom3

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2402
Re: Who gets the family documents?
« Reply #44 on: December 09, 2012, 01:37:51 PM »
The most valuable of the genealogical documents are over three feet wide and are in a bound volume.

I have been clearly instructed not to involve my aunt, a decision I agree with.

Do you have a camera and a tripod you could set up to take pictures of the documents while the relevant pages are weighted open?  Is the entire bound volume of interest or just a few assorted pages?  What a neat opportunity to have to be able to look at old documents like that, even if it is labor intensive for you. 
Mother to children and fuzz butts....